I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog. It is about a TV show that I watched that triggered the sadness of AD loss for me. Have any of you had a similar experience of something unexpected and simple setting you off?
I watched the same TV show last week and yes, just watching the reminiscing between the two made my tears roll. There is no more reminiscing with my dh and myself. He remembers nothing of the children's childhoods, our early marriage. Today is today and that is it. In fact I asked him if he remembered what the weather was like on our wedding in December, 1954, 57 yrs. ago. I thought maybe long term would be better. He shook his head NO. I said it was a beautiful sunny day. He said, "That figures because I don't think I would go out on a rainy day." More tears.
That used to happen all the time. Still does, I guess. Just takes me by surprise, but it's not frequent anymore. It is true that he has no clue what shows are about. Recently he watched Avatar with me and thought it was about Vietnam.
I find listening to music that once meant something to us both can sent me into a tailspin. My husband loved SCUBA diving and ocean songs bring me to tears.
How ironic! I was going to write about this a few weeks ago when this happened to me. That exact feeling overcame me when we were travelling & stopped at a Wendy’s for lunch. About 6 to 8 couples around 60ish came in for lunch. They were obviously travelling together & they were having a good old time talking & laughing going from table to table probably talking about where they were going or where they had been. As I watched them I couldn’t help but think that we should be in a group like that. We didn’t really have a group of friends that we hung around with because we were always so busy working & doing things with our kids (sports parents), but I just knew that once they were grown & gone we would make friends & do things with them. HA! After seeing them I was overcome with such sadness. We were actually on our way to our son’s house, but DH had no idea that we were even going there. What used to be a nice drive full of comments on the beautiful scenery & excitement on seeing the grandsons has become a drive full of questions about where we are going & why are we going &………….
I watched the same show,Joan and like you I know it is a show but I was jealous of the way they understood what the other as thinking.I miss that closeness and I miss all the times that we were planning to have in th future. I HATE THIS D--- DISEASE!!!!!!!!!
ElaineH, Boy can I relate! We just spent a weekend in Boston celebrating our 25th anniversary. A few years ago, this would have been a wonderful long weekend get-away. This year it was just kind of sad all around.
One night we went to a comedy club. It was a cozy, dimly lit club filled with couples – all engaged in conversations – happy and loving. The men had sparkles in their eyes. Wow! I had almost forgotten what that looks like – having a partner sitting next to you who is engaged and engaging! We sat in silence for 20 minutes until the show started. It was all I could do to keep from crying, realizing I was never again going to have what those other couples have.
When this sadness threatens to overwhelm me I remind myself of all the wonderful years we did have – and I know that we’ve been blessed because not everyone gets that. And, as my mother always taught me, no matter how bad I think I have it – there are always others who are far worse off…. I guess the fact that we are earlier in our journey makes that perspective easier for me. I don’t know how I’ll hold it together further down the road… I guess when I reach that point, I’ll have to follow the example of all you wonderful folks who post on this site.
I’m with you, bak - I HATE THIS D--- DISEASE!!!!!!!!!
Ditto.. I HATE THIS D--- DISEASE!!!!!!!!! Dh can rememebr when he was very young, talks a lot about his army days, his first job, and his terrible time in a child migrant institution...but can't remember the last time we were very close and shared an intimate moment together..
What haunts me is everything from the movies we have seen to just driving through town taking some of the shortcuts that DH taught me to get to places to just going out in the back yard and seeing the little garden wall and sidewalk he installed all by himself ( with a little help from me)...or almost worse, coming across something he wrote..just a grocery list he may have jotted down even just a year ago that I found today while cleaning out a drawer...makes me sad and at the same time just haunts me...somedays I wonder if I will ever be able to stay in the same nice town we live in now....later on...or will I feel forced to move...it just makes me feel all hollow and sad inside...
I know exactly what you mean by having triggers to sadness, I have a few too. My number one trigger is romantic songs that bring up memories and then to go along with that seeing other men showing their wives affection. Even worse yet is when the men show me some attention...