My hb has started missing the toilet bowl when he urinates, what can I do. Another issue I have is my hb is diabetic and has pretty much stopped eating the rights foods to control his sugar. I have to hide some things from him in order for him not to have access to them. My point is he's diabetic and has a deadly disease (dimentia). Should I allow him to eat what ever he wants since he's going to eventually die someday and let him enjoy eating what he wants for the time he has. I am tired of arguing with him regarding what foods not to eat but he does it anyway. Of course I don't give him sweets but he loves pasta breads and ice cream amongst other things. I am so worn out I don't know how much more I can hold it together. Repeats things over and over again plus he talks more to himself than with me. I guess that's ok with me but I'm so tired of him putting me down when he talks to himself and how he feels incarcarated at home. These are things he used to say when he was in a facility. Any good advise for me.
Just the past several days I have started going into the bathroom with my husband and getting him to sit down rather than stand. It's the only way to keep the urine off the walls, off his pants legs (I'm tired of going through three pairs of jeans a day) and not tracked around the floor.
As for foods he shouldn't eat--I don't buy them. Since they are not in the house, he has no access to them. If your husband is still able to go out and buy these for himself, then of course, that's a different story.
Hi Lee...I have the same problem with the bathroom. I go with him when I can, and I make him sit down. He may fight it at first, but he'll get used to it. As for the food....my DH isn't diabetic, but all he wants to eat is junk, cookies, ice cream, candy etc., I just let him. I'm very careful to pick my battles, and that's not one I choose to fight. If he were diabetic, I don't know. Alzheimer's is a fatal disease, so if it makes him happy, I'm okay with that. Unfortunately, there's no getting around the repeating. It drives me nuts, but I can't stop it. Hope this helps. Good luck, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.
I have brought the Incontinence discussion to the top for you. Since there are so many comments in it, if you skim through it, you will find a lot of good suggestions from our readers.
As for the diabetes and making him eat what he should - My husband is also diabetic. I couldn't get him to eat what he should when he DIDN'T have dementia, never mind now. His diabetes doctor started to give me instructions on bringing him to nutrition classes and restricting him from eating this, that, or the other thing. I told him quite honestly, that I didn't have the strength to be the food police in addition to everything else I do related to his Alzheimer's. He put his arm around me, told me I was doing a great job, and not to worry if he eats too much of what he shouldn't sometimes. The diabetes pills are doing their job for now.
I don't mean to sound cruel, but I feel he'd be better off if diabetes kills him before he has to suffer for years through the late stages of Alzheimer's Disease.
I agree with joang and Diane V. Since AD is a fatal disease, they might as well enjoy what time they can, even if it causes earlier death, so they don't have to suffer through the end stages of AD.
I don't think your comment is cruel at all Joang. I took a tongue lashing from the Dr. Yesterday because I allow my dh to have ice cream every night. He's not diabetic just loves his ice cream. She told me I could be sitting him up for a stroke and I need to be more in control.
I don't know how the rest of you feel, but I get sick of the Dr's thinking they have all the answers when it comes to taking care of an Alzheimer's patient. Book smarts is one thing but till you walk this journey, you don't have a clue. I sure don't need to be lectured because he eats ice cream. I think I would feel better if I had told her how I felt but I got it off of my chest here. Oh well, he's eating ice cream as I type this and I'm not feeling guilty about letting him have it.
I still make sure he has ice cream available if he wants it every night. After all - it has calcium, protein, low in cholesterol and sodium, trace elements of other vitamins too.
Ditto on all your comments. I don't know what percentage of our Doctors have a spouse or loved one they take care of with Az. but until you DO, no books or schools will give you all the information.
My dh loves candy bars and gets one every day. I do feed him real healthy vegetables, yet growing up Native Hawaiian they LOVE their meat and rice, which I have had to learn how to cook lol.
I think I will give him so extra candy tonight!
He is starting to "miss" the toilet seat too, this has been such a helpful subject.
As many of you know, I am managing my 93 year-old father's care - he lives in the ALF next door to my Independent Villa. He does NOT have Alzheimer's. He's just old and now physically disabled. So while I'm letting my diabetic AD husband eat pasta and cookies a couple of times a week, my father's doctor wanted him on a "heart healthy" diet. He had a bypass operation 20 years ago. He loves his chocolate, and has a drawer full of Hershey kisses. I let him eat whatever he wants. He's also on a "I'm 93 years old, and I don't have to eat my vegetables if I don't want to" kick. So we don't make him eat his vegetables. It's not as if he's going to die young if he doesn't follow the American Heart Assoc. diet.
My DH is diabetic on insulin..he too has odd eating habits now. He never used to be a sweet eater and now he has to have something sweet... So I keep a good check on his glucose reading and most of the time his glucose is on the lower end so I let him have something sweet since getting him to eat much of anything at all is the larger challenge. But for desserts I keep the WW ice creams and the Skinny Cow treats on hand along with some ice creams...and he enjoys lemon muffins and I give him a half ro as little as a fourth of one. I would let him enjoy some treats but try to monitor it if you can.
DH just this year started having diabetes. I get the Ronzoni Smart Taste pasta. And have a salad or green beans with the pasta. Half the rice and more veggies. And so far so good. I also got DH to eat baked sweet potatoes and when doing a regular baked potato use smaller ones. Half his plate is veggies or fruit and the rest is meat and starch. He loves his ice cream so I have found Bryers carb smart. It seems to do the trick. I also keep chocolate hidden and give him a few kisses every few days.That always makes him smile. I know it is the last thing I wanted to deal with. But we do what we have to do. And I have lost a few pounds too.
It takes about 10 years of poorly controlled diabetes before the complications start. My husband changed his diet when he was diagnosed with impaired glucose tolerance, so his was well-controlled until recently. So I've told him he doesn't have to worry about his diet any more, he might as well enjoy himself while he can.
Children need a well-balanced diet because their bodies are developing, and adults should watch their weight. But when someone has AD, I'm inclined to let them have the sundae with choc syrup & a cherry on top. They have so little in life to enjoy. My DH never had diabetes and he never had a sweet tooth, but with AD he did develop a sweet tooth and that's common. On the 'cruel' scale, I don't know if denying sweets to someone w/AD is better or worse, I guess everyone is different. There are ice creams & candies that are sugar free, including popsicles and I think whole wheat pastas are better and there are special diabetic breads. I don't know what will happen if a serious diabetic ate too much ice cream. Besides health food stores, there's a world of diabetic food on the Web.
I'm a disaster in the kitchen. My daughter actually sent me a recipe for boiling water! Yes, they exist, look them up. You can only force someone so far--especially w/AD--to do something for their own good. But you can do something for your own good, and as caregivers we often overlook that--none of us can always be perfect and that's OK. Oh, the guilt if you can't get him to take that pill or he eats the wrong thing. You only have so much control and doctors are often clueless about what goes on in the home. On top of everything else, you are expected to be a nurse, a nutritionist, a handyman, a psychologist--and everything else! My children always said, 'Please, Mom, we don't want to lose you to the same disease.' Even for myself, one specialist says eat lots of leafy greens and another says don't eat anything leafy green like lettuce or spinach; one says don't eat sweets and another says eat Ice cream--I like him the best. Thankfully, if I can use that word w/AD, I only had to deal w/AD. I feel concern for those of you who have to monitor other medical conditions, but I have no magic advice on what to do, just take care of yourself. I know, I know, not always so easy.
That would be a hard one for me, I guess it would depend on their overall health and what Alzheimer’s stage they are in. Lynn isn't diabetic, but my niece who lives with me is type 1 (juvenile diabetes) a whole different animal than type 2. My only concern would be for spouses who aren't very far along in Alzheimer's developing complications from unmanaged diabetes. I am just thinking of the overwrought caregiver having even more responsibility. Last thing any of us need.
On my Dad’s side of the family type 2 is common later in life. They are thin and always ate well so I am not sure why. I remember as a young child visiting my Uncle who had to have first his foot and then his leg amputated. It was a different time then, nowadays it is so much easier to manage with medication, insulin and so many more food choices are available. So for what it is worth, my two cents would be to let them have treats but not overindulge.
As for the ice cream, Lynn’s doctor actually put on his chart that he is to have ice cream offered at every meal! Funny how different doctors can be. Lynn’s is a gem and I am so grateful we have him!
To give a little warning: My wife is a mild diabetic, on metformin and glyburide. Last Fall her doctor reduced the doses of medication because of some side effects. Then, over Christmas, she ate lots of candy and other "goodies". Just before New Years she became very lethargic and then almost unresponsive. In the ER they found her blood sugar over 600. As soon as they got it down she was fine. So you do have to be a bit careful. I would suggest checking blood sugars fairly regularly and either cut back on sweets, or increase medication (after consultation with the doctor) if the levels start to get too high. On her present program my wife's sugars in the morning are around 175. I'll watch it closely over Christmas this year.
i tend to agree with dr marsh. there really is a dilemma in chosing not to encourage basic good health here. as power of attys for healthcare which most of us have, we have 'witnessed' that we will do whats necessary to take over their care when needed. and that means making their lives as good as can be expected under the circumstances. - but.. without causing unecessary risk factors that could put them in worse conditions. ie= if they are diabetic or high blood pressure, etc, and need meds to control and or a basic control over thier intake then thats whats 'expected' of us legally.. i know i know. most of us just say its better they go from something else, me included. but we cant be the cause due to 'benign neglect' that they go from something else per se. its a moral and ethical issue as well to make sure they receive the best care they can get while under our visuals. to ensure they dont suffer or cause them undue harm in the meantime. sorta like the hippocratic oathe 'do no harm.' my DH was also diabetic (medically induced)for a bout 18mo and it was hell keeping him from bad food choices but the alternatives are comas, high risk blood sugars, and a miriad of other dire consequences that could occur if its not monitored. like most of you i think an occasional treat maybe sugar free is surely reasonable and wouldnt cause too many ramnifications. , knowing they are incapable of making their own healthcare decisons leaves the burden on our shoulders and thats both in the sense of morally and legally i would think. but of course these are my own personal reflections here-not everyones.