Some time ago, Divvi had the idea we should write a soap opera about our experiences. I was looking in my "Documents" on my computer and found this. Maybe I was trying to come up with something. Anyone care to write the next lines or two, or more?
As The World Turns Opening scene: the kitchen of a detached house. It is a large, pleasant room with a cherry wood dining table set near an open window. Birds can be heard chirping in the Sweet Gum tree outside. Radio set to a Jazz station in Tacoma playing Diana Washington’s “At Last.” Martha, a woman of indeterminate age with a slightly harried look, is preparing breakfast for her older husband, Harold. She hasn’t been to the hairdresser’s for about a month, but her Capris from Chico’s are bright-patterned and clean. Harold, who is older, has Alzheimer’s. He can be heard out in the garden yelling at the garbage men who have just stopped their truck in the lane. Martha hurries out to try to calm him down.
MARTHA: “Harold….” She moves closer to him and takes his hand. “Come on in, honey. Your breakfast is getting cold.” HAROLD:
MARTHA: " Harold please don't go outside without your pants on." HAROLD: "I have my pants on.... MARTHA: "No, honey, those are your shorts. I mean your long pants." HAROLD: "Where are my long pants. You didn't tell me which ones I should put on".... "but look....I have my slippers on." MARTHA: "Great hon, at least you feet won't be wet from this damp grass" Martha.. takes Harold's arm and gently guides him back into the house....All the time Martha is thinking...Thank God none of the neighbors saw him without his pants on and that is bad enough, but he didn't even have his shirt on and they would have seen all that hair on his back. Ohh...well at least I don't have to shave that back hair any longer...just one less thing I have to do.
HAROLD: I couldn't find my long pants, and I wanted to catch the garbage men before they left. I know you've got your eye on the driver. Why else are you so dolled up?
Martha: Oh please. I know why you went out without your pants on, Mrs. Ellis across the street was checking you out, I can smell her baking cookies for you now..
Of course Martha is just trying to divert his attention as she...
grabbed the electric razzor and eyed Harold's back. For all she knew, Mrs. Ellis go turned on by all that hair on Harold's back. Now, if Mrs. Ellis would like to take Harold over for 4 hours a day, that might not be so bad."I could get my hair done," Martha thought. "Maybe phone someone for lunch." But who?
oh my oh my I have not laughed so hard in months, mary75 you are a hoot!!
Anyway...
Martha thought and thought about who she could ask for lunch, and then, bingo! Well of course she could ask Mrs. Ellis, and somehow cajole her into shaving Harold's back!! She could pretend that she did not know of the crush Mrs. Ellis had on him, and just say how she had heard what a great shaver she was, that she herself kept skinning him, couldn't you see the scars.
Also, the 4 hour a day with Mrs. Ellis would allow Martha to...
Martha, finding Harold's pants. Picks them up and out falls a bottle of nasal spray and a hand full of cough drops. How long has Harold been hiding these things. O well it keeps him happy. Putting the items back in the pocket she gets the pants on her husband. Martha, Your eggs are ready. Harold, What eggs. Martha, You said you wanted eggs. Harold, I don't like eggs. I want yogurt. Martha, We don't have any yogurt, that is why you agreed to eggs. Harold, I'm not hungry now. Martha.........
(sorry...I would participate, but I'm refraining because I would at this point be compelled to have Doctor Who's blue police call box land...with that aaaarnnnk aaaarnnnk noise...in Harold and Martha's backyard. It just wouldn't fit in.)
why was it no surprise that Harold wouldnt remember he asked for eggs? you would think this far as his sole caregiver I;d remember this, Martha thought hard and long and decided her sanity wasnt worth arguing over this trivial change of mind. all of a sudden Martha heard a loud noise and Harold had somehow managed to escape AGAIN, dang martha had forgotten to relock the deadbolt on the front door. as she runs to the front door apron on, she is desperate as Harold is no where in sight! she decides to hide the razor in her apron pocket as last time she left it out, harold shaved one of his eyebrows off and it hasnt grown back yet. she knows its only a matter of time to find him or she could lose him once again ... should i go get him or just take my time and see where he winds up??? then out of the blue she hears a police siren..
)))ps, Mary75 i have thought of getting back to this for a while... so much fun! thanx. you are a great writer!
...a police siren, off in the distance. Oh dear...Martha runs in the bathroom to quickly brush her hair, then gets in the car to try to follow the sound of the siren. A few blocks from her house, she spots the police car...an officer is trying to put a man in the back of the cruiser...it's Harold!
"hi Martha, i think we got him quickly this time", officer Franklin rubbed his brow as he helped put harold in the back seat. 'its pretty easy to recognize harold these days with one eyebrow and no pants, but we are going to have to ask that you keep a better eye on him'.. you know with colder weather coming its going to be harder on him if he escapes again." the squad car follows martha back to her house and they begin to unload harold into the driveway. mrs ellis from across the street is waving frantically as she runs to meet them, desperate to tell martha that while she was gone..
a handsome man was at Martha's front door. Being the quinessential nosey neighbor, or best neighborhood crime watcher, description depended on what day it was....Mrs. Ellis went over to see if she could help. The man identified himself as an old college friend of Martha's. He had stumbled on Martha's profile on facebook and since he was in the area decided to stop by and see her. Told Mrs. Ellis...she still is very
Martha's sister-in-law came with one shopping bag full of vitamins and new herbs from Alaska and another bag crammed with fresh fruits and veggies for Harold. "Your sister-in-law only wants what's best for Harold," said Mrs. Ellis. "She's so sweet." "Sweet, my ass," muttered Martha and managed to bump into Mrs. Ellis as she pushed Harold towards the front door. "She's at my house now," said Mrs. Ellis. The cookie baker must be either deaf or thick, thought Martha. "Oh, look!" cried out Mrs. Ellis. "Here she comes now. Bless her heart."
I looked out the window and there they were. The last time I'd seen them like that was at the train station. It was burned in my memory. I wore grey, they wore blue while they stood there in the rain. A hard rain. I waved to them.
Martha and Demetri had met in College at Harvard the first year of law school. Demetri was a foreign student whose father was an italian ambassador and had pulled strings to get him into Harvard. martha on theother hand worked her butt off and worked 2 night jobs to make it thru those hard years. but lucky for her she had a great firm offer her an internship early on, and then another offer to clerk for one of the supreme court justices. unfortunately shortly before, she met harold a dashing older gent who was in the political scene from DC and swept her off her feet. she recalled how she and Demetri parted at the train station and she was acutely aware of the pain in her heart. 35yrs after here she is again in the midst of that ardent love affair with Demetri, not looking a day older than she remembered. suddenly she was aware of how old and haggard she must appear, far from the beautiful, sleek blonde shed been in college. mrs. ellis had a firm grip on his arm, and as they approached, said with a distinct accusing remark....
"Martha, I thought you were going to let ME shave Harold! You are doing such a lousy job and forgot to put antibiotic cream on the deep cuts you made!"
Martha was going to reply, when a small misty rain started, and she could hear a distinct clackety clack of a train in the distance. Then there he was, yes he too was aged, but in his eyes nothing had changed. Demetrius knew and respected the fact that Martha was married, but he had heard of Harolds illness and came by to offer...
two days had passed and martha knew Harold had suffered during the last 'runner' episode as she entered the ER entrance. the orderlies transferred him hastily and rushed him to the waiting 3rd year medical student Dr Josh.. pulling weekend duty. ' he's got a really bad pneumonia', and marthas heart was beating in her throat as she concentrated on the student dr. 'we need to admit him into the hospital and hope for a turnaround pronto." from out of the corner of her good eye, she saw Demetrius rush thru the doors of the ER and she motioned for him as she broke down and cried on his manly hairy chest.(somehow she always winds up with hairy men) 'oh demetrius, harold may be in critical condition and its all my fault!"" all Demetrius could think of was here she was once again in his arms... the dr came back and had a serious look on his face as he said, .....
I'm happy to tell you the pneumonia is all cleared up but we need to keep Harold here for a few days to let those razor burns on his formerly hairy back heal. Why don't you and your friend go get some rest, Martha...
Martha said: "D" as Martha often called him instead Demetruis. "Would you like to meet me at the Blue Lagoon on 5th Ave. for a light lunch and maybe a glass of wine I just feel like I need something to relax me"
D said: " Wonderful idea Maggie"...they both laughed ..."You know Maggie you were the only one that every called me just "D".
Martha said: "And you were the only one that ever called me Maggie"
An hour later sitting across the table at the Lagoon and on their 3rd glass of wine D places his out stretched arm on the table. Maggie looked down and knew he wanted her to place her hand on top of his. But, Maggie saw how hairy his fingers were and she wondered....Did "D" have a hairy back too??.....She couldn''t remember...but, what she did remember was...........................
d
. We both have our own cars so I will meet you at the Lagoon.
15 mins. later at the Blue Lagoon after having each having just a salad Martha and D are on their 3rd glass of wine.
D has laid his arm on the table with his out stretched hand on the table almost inviting Martha to touch his hand. Martha accepts the silent invitation and places her hand on top of D's hand as she looks down at his hairy fingers she is wondering ......did D have a hairy back too...but, before she could remember D said.....
..."Maggie, have you ever heard of "manscaping?" Perhaps your would not injure Harold so much if you got it done professionally."
Martha thought to herself, as she tried to pat down a bit of rooster hair standing up....should I confide in D. about Mrs. Ellis, how I am trying to get her to pay more attention to Harold so I can have a break?
Maybe D. will think I am trying to fool around on Harold, or even worse, he will think...
"I'm booked in at the Wedgewood Hotel nearby," D. said, "and we have a lot to talk about. We'd have more privacy there." Maggie felt the wine make her lips tingle. Three glasses. Maybe she should have stopped at two. Without thinking further than that, she stood up and gaily swung her purse. "Well, D baby, let's....
D says....yes....but, it might be best if you went alone and then call me later. Maggie...hesitate for a minute wondering if this was brush off, but she said "OK" I'll call you later. They walked out to their cars and......
Then D. Remembered how cute Mrs. Ellis looked and he wondered if she had any expertise in "manscaping" so...he thought he might just run over to see if she could do anything with his hairy hands and chest while dear Martha checked on Harold.
But then Demetri thought...do I really tell them why I am here and why I am so alone after all these years? I became a judge and married well. My darling wife, so precious, so lovely, a former Miss America was recently placed in a nursing home. Diagnosis....
..with a sudden, extreme fear of hairy hands. Would she ever be able to over come her fear. Demetri needed someone he could talk to, was Martha that person. He had to know......
in the meantime, martha was battling her own fears as Harold had become unruly aggitated and the nurses were unable to keep him in bed with the oxygen mask. they brought him an ativan to relieve the anxiety but martha decided to take it herself instead of giving it to harold. it wasnt the first time. feeling a bit lightheaded and whoozy she was anxious now to' mentally' rekindle that flickering flame with Demetrius, but then something unexplainable happened..
She remembered that men had nose hair and ear hair that had to be mowed once in a while. Did she really want another hairy male in her life. ( Sorry, but this ole lady has forgotten about romance. I am even skipping over the heavy breathing discriptions in the novels I read so what am I doing messing up the story line here. Tell me to take a hike and leave this story line alone.)
Harold's eyes grew round and filled with what seemed to be horror. Maggie turned to see what he was staring at. It was his ex-wife that he had divorced 20 years ago. Ignoring Maggie, she came towards Harold's bedside. "Oh, you poor darling," she cried. "Your sister phoned to tell me that Martha had left you here all alone. That you'd been sick because she hadn't fed you properly. That dear Mrs. Ellis has tried to help out with cookies baked with wheat germ. Everyone knows that's the sure cure for anything. And, not only that, but.... Oh, is that you, Martha?"
But it wasn't Martha. Harold had a horrid reaction to the wheat germ in his nose hair and picking up a large lamp began clubbing objects outrageously, "Bam! Bam! Bam!", he struck the grandfather clock which broke into pieces, and bounding around the room with the vigor of a much younger man, swung his large club wildly.
....damn window or the alarm will go off. Martha rushed to the draw and pulled out a patch type medication the doctor had left for her to use when Harold would go into an extereme rage. She pulled off the tabs and slapped the patch on Harold's hairless back. Much to her surprise and alarm Harold fell quickly to his knees pulling the floor lamp with him. Martha struggled to get Harold off the floor and onto the couch. Just as Martha was getting Harold onto the couch she looked up and saw "D" standing at the window. Martha was so startled to see D at the window she almost dropped Harold back to the floor.
After getting D on the coach Martha walked over to the sliding door and motioned for D to come into the house. D hesitated and then said to Martha.......
But I need to talk to you! I promise you as I promised Bama...no funny stuff. I need to tell you about my wife. But then Harold groaned....Martha looked nervously from Harold to D. Many thoughts running through her tired, stressed brain. Harolds first wife, his horrible children, (all hairy by the way) and now D...what was a woman to do?
harold was already on the floor and in no fear of falling or breaking anything, so martha decided to give D the benefit of the doubt and motioned for him to enter. 'maggie, i know its been a very long time, but i just havent been able to crush these feelings for you!' but we can discuss that 'after'... i left my wife after i discovered she had been involved with my twin brother Darius. she swore she didnt know it wasnt me. but i could tell by the way she smirked she was lying. darius doesnt have hair on his back either like all the rest of the family members. the only real telltale sign is the one blue eye and one brown eye. but overlooking all that, i havent stopped loving you all these years. that day at the train station is forever etched in my mind. harold stirred on the floor and asked where his mother was in a childlike voice. ' i am right here, honey'.. explains martha. "D, i just cant see a future for any of this at this point in my life, i am pooped from taking care of harold and we will just have to put all this on the backburner'.. harold needs me, and i have a real concern that even with all these years of psychotherapy, i will never be able to overcome my phobia of hairy knuckles." all of a sudden, ....
Drat Shaw Cable. Nothing but problems with that company. I have Bama's phone number and know how practical she is. Sure enough, although she's making jam, she offers the solution. "Pull the power cord for one minute, then start it up again." It works. Oh, oh, now the screen is full of credits.
Producer: Joang Story line: Divvi Production Manager: Elaine H. Writers: mary 75*,Judith KB, Coco, blue, emily, divvi. bella, scs, Wolf, Weejun, Bama
OH drat drat drat!! thought Martha, WHY do I have to have this Demetrius come back in to my life NOW??? And oh how I pray he does not find out about the time after a bit of wine, and a very dark night, I too, mistook Darius for him! I was a bit too buzzed to even notice hair on his back or knuckles or anywhere...!
Harold called again for his Mother, and just then Mrs. Ellis came in the door with a fresh batch of wheat germ cookies. That settled him down for awhile. Mrs. Ellis on the other hand had a very sour look on her face, and said to Demetrius..
Thanks, everyone! Can't remember when I've laughed so hard and for so long. Brilliant writing. scs, I love the hairy stepkids. Divvi, maybe Maggie should check out the hairless twin brother (Bama, I mean later, of course).
thanks to all of you who participated in the silly soap. we used to do this every so often some years ago, and mary75 brillantly starts each and every one of them. its a fun escape from all the stress for a while. and i KNOW alot more of you read and LOL even though you couldnt bring yourself to add a silly line or two. great therapy for us all. silly yes but we all need a smile now and then.
mary75 -we will be awaiting a new story line again soon!
Yes Mary and Divvi...it did help to stop thinking about AD for a while! Await story line...but will keep the hairy, bratty, self centered, money hungry step children on hold!fun ty
Well, I miss one day here and look at what mischief all of you have gotten into! Bravo!!!! (I was hoping for a sex scene for poor Martha, or at least a chaste kiss from Demetrius.) Isn't that what soaps are all about?