I am posting this so that I have to face the reality of living with a spouse with dementia. I found this forum a couple of months ago and have been reading every night. I have learned so much here and most of all learned that I can't fix it, can't reason with it, can't argue with it, and count to ten and start over. "IT" is dementia. DH has COPD and was diagnosed with cancer two weeks after retiring, Surgery,radiation, chemo, and a colostomy followed. He then had a stroke but appeared to recover at least physically after several months. Shortly after that he became violent attacking me. I talked to our PCP who had him come in under a pretext and after some talking and tests said it was dementia. He started him on Cymbalta and Elavil in addition to the multitude of other drugs he was on. He was inappropriate in company and lost all inhibitions.DH then had several witnessed TIAs and began a shuffling gait and extreme slowness. This is a man who was formerly a hurry hurry human dynamo physically and mentally. He turned over all of the finances, driving and decision making to me. He was a contract manager handling hundreds of thousands of dollars and lost the ability to pay bills. Within the year he developed diabetes (he is not overweight and never smoked) which led to a hospital stay and a three way heart bypass followed by a pacemaker. Something definately changed after the heart surgery. The third day he was up walking the hall pushing his IV and the fourth day he was hallucinating, incontinent and didn't know any of us. The nuero keep saying it wasn't a stroke but couldn't give a reason. DH was sent to a NH where he underwent therapy for a couple of months. He is home now and very cooperative, gentle and mild. He sleeps 18 hours a day. Goes to bed at 7 or earlier, gets up around 10am, eats, 'reads' the paper, goes back to bed about 1pm and sleeps until 5 or 6pm, feeds the dogs, eats dinner and back to bed. Surprisingly to me his memory is still pretty good. lol, some days its better than mine. Once I noticed he was getting aggressive and sure enough he was skipping his med. I keep a close eye on that now. He continues to do his own ADLS, meds and insulin 4xday but I have to occasionally get firm about showers. He is becoming incontinent but we are dealing with it and when we are out he trails behind me about ten feet. I no longer let him use the motorized carts without being next to him as he recently had a TIA while on one. I recently left him momentarily in a restaurant and I realized on coming back that he looked like a lost child so won't do that again. So in reading back over this I can't deny the facts. It isn't just being tired or residual from chemo.......he has Dementia. I so appreciate everything that has been posted here, coming here has been the most help of anything I have done. Jan
Jan, I understand the feeling that it is a residual from chemo. I noticed changes in my husband in 2005, about a year after he had treatments for bladder cancer. We all put it off as "chemo brain" from the chemotherapy he received. At that time my husband even said that his brain felt foggy. As things got worse, I had him checked for other medical problems and he was first diagnosed with depression. After being placed on cymbalta and it having no change on the way he was acting, they did a MRI which showed atrophy of his frontal lobes. He was then diagnosed with probable FTD (frontemporal dementia). This was in 2008. Three years later his language is virtually gone.
Sorry Jan - sounds like you and your husband have been through the wringer. I am glad you have found us. Sounds like there are many things involved, not just dementia. But, you can't deny the facts.
OH how hard it is I cannot believe the strength that has to be dug up just to survive. Jan I am so sorry it is so hard for you, what a load. And I think I have it difficult, ....I know I do but your challenges are way way more.
And before I found this site, I too had my times of wondering, if it was dementia. Of course the doctors said so, but you still hope. My dh has had that shuffling walk for at least 6 months now, and sometimes he takes time to move his legs
I am sending good wishes, prayers, and cyber hugs your way.
Phew! It's amazing that your dh has survived all that. Does he realize what is happening to him? I do hope you have some help? Just knowing that there are others out here who understand a bit of what you're going through is helpful, I know, but, still your walk is unimaginable. So sorry. My prayers are with you.
DH is in the early stage I guess and he does know, I finally told him after a year of 'hiding' it from him and our sons. Three out of four are in total denial. I have noticed that he will go along at a level and then a sudden 'dip', rather like stairsteps with the changes. He seems so accepting even of his physical condition now. He calls his med the 'good boy pill' which I never said so he is aware of being aggressive and nasty tempered without it. Also lately I have noticed he is forgetting things from ten minute ago but the longterm memory is excellent. He does get that blank stare when I say something to him so I repeat constantly. Only big smackdown was over Craigs List - he bought two classic cars and a Corvette without my knowledge!! Imagine that surprise. I blew up bigtime and it scared him so he doesn't buy things now. Sold two of the cars but the Vette still sits out there and he daydreams about it. It has been disabled and he shows no desire to drive. I have things so much easier at this point than 99% of the people posting. Actually after dealing with all of his physical problems this is not difficult yet. I worked (nurse) with people who were in advanced stages and I still cannot begin to imagine my DH at that point. Jan.
Jan, my heart goes out to you too..you are going through so much That's the scary part...the advanced stages and what we have to face yet. I think my DH is stage 4, maybe a little more...