I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read my newest blog about my Day Care decision process. I have written it in hopes that it will help those of you who are considering Day Care for your spouses.
I am currently comfortable with my decision, and am also realistic enough to know that things can change in a minute.
I agree Joang-sounds like your Sid would not be ready for Daycare yet.Hopefully it will be a long time before he reachs that point.My Paul goes at least one day a week sometimes two,but he can not stay by himself for even a few minutes. He does not join inthe activities,but he goes willingly and they take very good care of him,so for that I am happy. He sleeps alot while there in a big comfy lounge chair and they watch him very closely. He never liked to play any kind of games or puzzles so to expect him to do it now is out of the question. At the stage we are in now I am just glad to have a safe,comfortable place for him to go to when I have to be away for the day. It was very hard to leave him the first day-kindof like the day you leave your first child at school!!!
In our small town we have an ALZ Center and I've helped in fund raising quite often and donating things to them. They have a hard time with funding. But, DH is certainly not ready for that! Mostly patients who cannot participate in most activities and most are elderly women. It seems more like a nursing home. I have taken DH with me when participating in something there and he always refers to it as a nursing home. Thank goodness he can still entertain himself with his laptop, crosswords, TV, I give him manicures and rub his back with lotions. He's content and I can still leave him for a couple of hours at a time.
It really pays to check them out ahead of time - they are all different depending on their patients.
Joan, my husband goes to daycare one day a week. When he started going, he might not have been ready, but now he seems to like going. He has friends there, and he does participate in activities that I would have thought he would hate. When I picked him up today, he told me he played games, something he has always hated to do. He said they played Apples to Apples and he won twice. The director told me that whenever they play music, he gets up and dances. He always takes his laptop, and he spends a lot of his time there playing solitaire on it, but that's what he does at home anyway. By going to daycare, he's seeing other people and participating in some of their activities. And it's allowing me time to do what I want or to go to doctor's appointments and get errands done. If he will go, I say that, for your sake, he should go!
Joan--I have about 5 years' experience with daycare. When I read your blog, I agreed that since Sid can still stay home alone safely, you may not want to send him at this point. However, it occurred to me that most of us feel/felt that our LO isn't ready for daycare yet. Once you enroll them, I think it is sort of a rite of passage in the disease process--you realize that they have actually reached the level where a dementia-oriented program is appropriate, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. It is concrete evidence of the decline, more or less, and most of us have a hard time facing that.
I found major differences in the way the centers are run, the population they serve, etc. So no one should assume that what they find in the first one they visit will be pretty similar to all the others--they are not interchangeable, in my experience.
About two years ago, I started DH one day a week at a 'Senior enrichment" program and gradually added two more days. At first I thought he was in better shape than the others, mostly older women. He really like the program and loved the older women. They did bingo and bunco, lot of crafts, exercises and lunch and was from 9 to 1. This program was church sponsored, run by one women and some volunteers and had 8 to10 participants. In the spring DH was having many problems with pains in arms and legs, later diagnosed as polyneuropathy. He did not or could not participate and I had to remove him. After many doctors and tests and physical therapy, he was put on medication for the neuropathy and anxiety. He was home with me as his only caregiver and bored. I enrolled him in in a full day program twice a week. This program is social, but also keeps people as they decline, gives medication and attention to special needs. At first I thought DH was more advanced than many in the program. I would go to pick him up in the afternoon and saw them playing word games and realized DH was not advanced, but others there were better of than him. He goes tow days a week now and I am considering a third day. He goes in around 9 to 9:30 and I pick him up around 4. He likes it and misses it when it is not his day to go. He always sits with the older ladies and they like him a lot. He is 73 and there are people there younger and older. They have a director and a staff of 4 or 5 other people. The cost is based on the level of care the person receives. DH is at level one because he can take care of his personal needs. It is the best thing for us at this point, he gets his social time and I get some time for errands and for myself.
i looked at some daycare centers in mid stage as well but my concern was always DH predicatability issues. he was ok for the most part, but if another patient picked or shoved him i was very concerned he would punch him out. he wasnt aggressive unless antagonized but i could never be certain someone there wouldnt be a focal point if that happened if i wasnt there to supervise. plus he was very sensitive to loud noise and several people milling around made him ansy. so i never got him enrolled due to these particular reasons. once he was mellowed out enough i brought in aides to stay with him and its been a good arrangement so far. its a tossup sometimes whether they are able to attend a social atmosphere and enjoy it or not. i think it really depends alot on the individual personalities and how they tolerate interaction at the level of the disease they are in.
divvi, you hit the nail on the head! It also depends on how they assess the situation. In our case my DH thought it was a nursing home & he didn’t want anything to do with it. I’m thinking that as he declines he might be more accepting of going, but it remains to be seen.
like everything else AD if things dont work out, you wait and try again later. what they wont accept at one point can change dramatically in the future
DH goes to Day Care 3 days a week. They pick him up and drop him off. He doesn't like it much, but he goes, and yes, even has fun on occasion. This was necessary as I work 3 days a week and there is no way he can be left alone. DH is also sensative to loud noises, but they have a "quiet room" there, and he apparently spends alot of time in there. He is surrounded by Veteran's, so they talk war stories, although I'm sure even the same stories are a little different with each telling <wink>. I think I had a harder time with this decision than he did because it was like admitting out loud that he was progressing to this point. It's exactly like Bak said, I felt as if I were sending my 5 year old of to Kindergarten for the first time! :(
My husband goes to day care 5 days a week now. He started with 2 days, went to 3 days for about 18 months and he just started going 5 days. I drop him off and pick him up. I don't work but this enables me to run the errands and help out with my parents. My dad has had a bad year healthwise and since my mom doesn't drive, I have taken over driving her places to run their errands. Plus it gives me a break from constantly being alert as to what and where my husband is.
His neurologist brought the subject up with regard to Day Care and when I told him I didn't think he was that far along, he looked me in the eye and said yes he is. The doctor told me it was better to have him go while he was still slightly social and not afraid. At first it was very difficult to leave him and it took time for him to adjust. For the first few months, I had to tell him what time I was coming to pick him up and he was always waiting for me. Now they have to go get him when I come. There are people who attend at all levels. My husband is in the middle of the age group of those who attend. He is 62. Some older people are even there just because due to their age they cannot be left alone. There is at least one woman who is 100 and she helps out.
There are also a bunch of veterans that attend since it is a VA contracted Adult Day Care facility. My husband hangs around with a man who is a vet and around the same age. Neither one of them speaks much but they seem to be able to communicate quick well with each other. They always shake each other's hand when they see each other in the morning.
NW IN in the country 1/2 way between Chicago & Indianapolis. A day care in Lafayette, 45' south of us, closed w/o notice last year. We were going to support groups on Tues. & Thurs a.m. there, but since hb fell and knocked himself out, he's been in hospital and then the memory wing of a nearby (7 mi) care center. He'll be there until the end of October since I'd already made plans to visit our son in SB, CA. Yes, I feel guilty and like a wimpy caregiver. Will see how he is at the end of the month. He's obviously advanced/regressed since his fall, but he was moving down more rapidly. A couple aggressive incidents earlier this week, but better now.
Zibby - never feel guilty or a wimp. Caregiving is not for everyone. We are all different. I do not even know if I will be able to handle him when he gets more needy. I know I don't want to and that will make it harder to do. Because we did not have the happiest marriage, my feelings right now are - as soon as they will accept him in a facility he will go. Until the time comes, none of us know.
I appreciate your research, deb. I couldn't access the first website because my computer got a big red danger symbol saying the site might try to take over my computer or some such; so I clicked on "get me outa here." :)
2nd one listed our town's hospital as providing day care; it doesn't. I'd only want to drive 30' max for day care. I do have a woman who will come to our house to sit w/hb and walk w/him whenever I need her.
Guess my day care problem is no more since he's in the memory wing of our local care center 'til the end of the month at least to recover from fall and receive physical and occupational therapy. I'm very seriously considering placing him there permanently--or until he's bedfast (ref Sandi* and ref Charlotte re marital treatment).