this is great advice mary75 and Bama. Keep the conversation brief about our mate, and don't talk about it too much.
Of course then they will WANT you to, but I have noticed lately when they call, I say, please let's talk about YOU it is best for now. They love it! And I like to hear what is going on with them.
I do get short and tempered though when the platitudes start, I am going to have to just learn to zip my lip. Yesterday at the Farmers Market, when one of my friend vendors said again, Oh you have to be strong... I kind of snapped at her and said, Di, I know you mean well but please stop saying that, I KNOW I need to be strong, but sometimes I just am not!
She got nice and said, 'You know if it was my husband, I would not take care of him, he is such a grouch"
I am actually a bit "proud" of taking dh to my weekly market, which is how I make all my income. He is still a help to a point, then I send him for breakfast. I am always watching where he is, and we don't seem to be at a place where he gets lost yet.
Breaking down the tent and putting things back is a challenge, every week he has forgotten the "rigamarole" I will have to not take him at some point, and hope for that day to be "my" day. (someone to stay with him?) A day to shop without a shadow and a very slow walker. And having to look for a restroom everywhere.
Aside from the bad days, oh yes, when he is really "off", generally he has a nice temperament. This week, as I clung on the rope, I have managed to swallow some of my resentment at having to do everything...
Ok, you have given me some courage to get through this lunch. I will keep it simple and smile. Busy Oct., lunch with friends, trip to Beef & Boards Dinner Theatre to see my cousin in It's A Wonderful Life.
Today was a beautiful day - weather wise. We had to go buy another water pressure regulator as the four we had - we could not stop them from leaking and this park has great water pressure so is needed.
Also made the decision to put DISH on 'pause' to save money ($5 vs $85). The park we have moved to offers cable as a perk. Comcast will allow us to get converter boxes for free so we got two. We disconnected the satellite cables and got the front TV working but the one in the bedroom was not as easy. For those not familiar with RVs - the cable will come in usually at the back of the RV through the walls to the front, then split with one running back through the walls to the back TV. Anyway, this morning we were watching recorded movies on the DVR with no problem. When we hooked up cable, there was no signal going through the cable to the back. This took many changes of cables to verify this. So, now we have a cable from the splitter up from that runs down the hallway to the cable box on the back TV. My fingers are sore from screwing and unscrewing the stupid cable so many times, and my brain is tired trying to explain to hb what we were doing/trying to figure out. At least both TVs work. Now that the back box is working I may try hooking it up the way it should be and see if it will work now.
He is having trouble getting use to the new system: we both miss being able to stop, back up, play over a scene, and the guide you get with satellite. Oh well - hopefully he will adjust.
Tomorrow I start my new job. This RV park is so old fashioned - reservations kept in an appointment book, no deposits - very simple. They use an excel spreadsheet to keep records in. The manager that hired me is leaving Nov 6 and when she was telling me today what goes on here, I don't know if we will be staying. There is a guy here that is good friends with the owner and thinks he knows better. If he doesn't like where someone is parked, he is known to tell them to move. He also is known to police as a person that 'cries wolf'. I told her if he or anyone tries to play games or yells at me, we will pack up and be gone - no hesitation.
"He also is known to police as a person that 'cries wolf'
Well tell him to find his own corner. I'm already crying on this one. More howling. No...wailing, more wailing. Snap like a dry twig Wolf. Bo gangling nerves. Slightly insane edge to his voice Wolf. Wild, crazed look in his eyes muttering under his breath Wolf. Anyways, send him round and I'll give him an attitude adjustment with my tire iron. There's nothing like getting the medula oblongata ringing in middle 'C' for gaining a fresh perspective.
I got a sad phone call yesterday from my wife's sister (5 years younger). She calls every couple of months to see how her sister is doing. Last night, after the usual discussion of my wife's condition, she told me that her husband had noticed "short-term memory loss" and that her doctor had started her on Aricept. I had wondered about this the last time I saw her (in June).
Good luck Charlotte hope all goes well for you this winter. Maybe the guy who "helps" will recognize you don't need or want his help. You sure don't need any more problems. Always nice to have cable. This was usually a luxury we didn't have as we camped off the beaten trail most of the time. If we had cable and sewer wow! that was really uptown for us.
Feeling pretty sore from an accident on Saturday at noon. I had stopped at a pedestrian crosswalk out on the University Campus to let a golfer cross over to the other side and was rear-ended by an BMW speeding. The driver admits full responsibility. He told the police that his eyes were not on the road. My car is totaled. Family doctor says I was lucky. Scan at VGH Emerg. showed no neck fractures, or brain hameorrhage. Still sore, but it's from soft tissue injuries in the arm and chest area under the seat belt. My first thought when I was hit, and knew it was a bad hit, was "Who will take care of Eric?" Then, "Eric's dead." Next thought, "Are there children alone at home?" "No, they're all grown up and gone away." "Any cat or dog that needs fed?" "No. Then you have nothing to worry about."
Weejun, thanks for your kindness. I just took that life expectancy test on another different posting and learned that I've already exceeded my limit. According to it, I should have died in May. So I guess it's all free roses from now on.
A rainy, cold day here today in KY after the storms passed through last night. DH slept through it all, Millie had on her Thundershirt - and slept through it all - and I stayed awake to keep watch! LOL
Took DH to podiatrist this morning, then came home and gave him a manicure. He loves that and keeps holding up his hands/fingers to see them. NOW if I had someone to give ME a manicure! Guess that's another thing I have to do now.
made it thru my surgery,spent 3 days in hospital,Dr. said I could stay another day if I wanted to.Was tempting,but knew DH was starting to panic.The staff was wonderful,they are always great at that hospital. Dr.thinks operation went well. Have to go back and get stent out in 3 weeks.When I got home DH had fed the kittens(got them out of my barn a couple days before surgery),filled their food and water dishes,but neglected to put the dishes back in the cage, pour things were starvinG.The 5 adult cats I had just had fixed seemed to be OK.They are in a dog kennel I just purchased for them.I am determined to cut down on the feral cats around here.I don't think DH ate much while I was gone,he doesn't seem to recognize things anymore,even tho I put labels on things in frig.Another stage I guess.His mind seems almost completely gone but still continent and very good physical condition. He will not let me get anyone in to stay with him,but I need a couple more surgeries this winter and am afraid to leave him alone,how do others get their spouses to accept help?We don't even have neighbors close enough to keep any eye on him.Anyone need a cat?
I'm glad your surgery went well. I think it was Divi ? Carosi? who suggest that you start getting DH used to having someone come in now so that he will get used to it. Tell him the person is there to help you with chores. Then when the time comes for your other surgeries, DH will be used to your helper being there. This is one time you have to decide to override his decision. It gets that they won't let anyone else do anything for them. Not good. Other people will have to be attending to them, sooner than later. Better that they should get used to it now.
The comments by Mary are very well stated. Mary is so right about her suggestion of getting someone in now once a week or whatever so your dh gets use to them before you need to be gone again. Of course you will need to keep the fact that winter is right around the corner and he could go outside and forget how to get back in the house, or forget his key, whatever. What they can remember to do today can't be counted on for tomorrow.
Just one more thing to be concerned about...right??
Finished the t-shirt quilt today and now its ready for the quilter to pick it up at the quilt shop!!!! This has been an ongoing project since - I hate to say - February. BUT it will be ready as a gift for eldest son, a former ultra-runner and present day race organizer, at Christmas. Yea!!
JudithKB is right. My DH makes popcorn every day. The other day he just stood there in the kitchen not know what to do. Yes one day they can do something and the next it is gone. Thank goodness the next day he could remember. But for one day the ability to make his popcorn was gone.
yhouniey--NOW is the time! You're just home from the hospital. You need help while you heal. Play up your needs for help and get someone in --even once or twice a week to do some house cleaning and cooking; mopping, sweeping, whatever. Get him used to that. The helper doesn't have to "help him", but after a short bit start having the helper just bring him a drink, or offer, "I 'm fixing Mrs. Y a sandwich, want one?" Make this the new routine and then just tell him the helper is still coming for the days your in the hospital so everything stays caught up. He'll be safer and you'll have more peace of mind.
flo39 - if you can, publish it in Facebook so we can see the quilt. If you do not have a Facebook account, maybe you can send a pic to someone else that can post it - would love to see it.
Have worked two days at the new park. The first day the manager (who is leaving) told me all the negative things going on in the park - I wanted to run. But, I decided to stay to see if it was that bad. If those things do happen - monthlies being demanding of things that the park has nothing to do with, park politics, etc - I will not hesitate to leave. As for the job - well I have never seen a park so archaic. I thought the one in NH was, but here they do not even use a cash register or computer (except emailed reservations. They write reservations in an appointment type book - no deposit, no site assignment. Will see what happens.
Hb has his 6 month neurologist appointment on Monday. I hate to see how he will answer the questions as to what city and county we live in. He may remember the city but has no idea the county. We will leave on Sunday and stay with my daughter-in-law and kids. She is going to let us use her bed which she says is comfy. Will come back on Tuesday.
Charlotte - I do have a facebook account and will get my other son to take a picture of the completed, quilted quilt. It will go to the quilter in November and be back in time for Christmas. I might get him to put the one on I made for him a couple of years ago. His hobby is concerts and his quilt is from some of his many t-shirts from his earlier days. As a more mature concert goer he passes up the very expensive shirts for a better seat these days. I still have not been able to find the facebook for alzspouse. What is the address?
flo39, when you find it send the request to join and I will OK it. I will be off until Tuesday night though. There is no 'l' in the group name - I think that is what throws people off.
Hb has his neuro appointment Monday. We will spend the night at our daughter-in-law and grandkids (they are separated and son is in Florida). Hopefully hb will be able to tolerate the grandkids. I will also go see my sister. She is the one that had the stroke in January 2010 and now suffers short term memory loss and personality change (for the worse). From what my brother, who lives there, says and my DIL says she is not doing well. I phoned my niece tonight to find out what she thinks and/or plans for her mom's long term future. She has her head up in the clouds! Denial!
This is what she says: short term memory loss is no big deal. She does check her mom's bank accounts occasionally to make sure she is not blowing her money. She says her mom just needs to get out of bed and get a life - find something to do. (my sister spends most of her days in bed sleeping and watching TV). My sister will remember something from her past that bugged her and obsesses about it. My niece said she reasons with her telling her she needs to let it go, she agrees but doesn't let it go. She says when my DIL and the kids move in that will be good for her cause then she will be getting up. She does love the little ones but when they were there before she stayed in her room.
Does all the above sound familiar to anyone? Sure does to me.
Sister told my DIL that I will not visit cause I can't stand her. Back in the 70s we had a disagreement and it wasn't until around 2000 that I approached her to mend the past. Evidently she does not remember that. If she is getting that bad, I may have to reconsider staying here at this park and moving down instead for the winter. Either place Art will be stuck inside due to weather.
The other day when I worked I took him to clean the bathrooms and he seemed to be confused as to what needed done - he only wanted to change the toilet rolls and clean the toilets. He cleaned bathrooms in RV parks in the past and was very proud of how clean they were. We will see. I am also not comfortable leaving him for the 8-9 hours that I work. Even though he can come over to the office, he doesn't. He may when it is just me there. He gets into things and I never know what he is going to mess up.
Today is our 31 anniversary. DH does not remember. He remembers that Pawn Stars comes on tonight the 24th. But not the anniversary. Oh well. We did go out to lunch last week. That will do for any kind of celebration. Not much to celebrate really. But it is what it is and life goes on. I was very sad yesterday, not so much today.
Hugs, blue. It's often hard for me to wish anyone here a happy anniversary. I know it isn't a happy time when they don't remember. I have the same problem. So very sorry.
75 just saw the thread about your accident sorry to hear but glad to hear your ok an dealing with it,thanks again for all the wonderful Eric ism's you allowed us all to enjoy
DH old secretary called to wish us a Happy Anniversary and sadly DH was not sure what she was talking about. I got to talk to her for awhile and enjoyed that. Then I started looking through old pictures. I enjoyed doing that, DH may not remember what day it is or what we did in years past. But I have the pictures. Also I started counting my blessings. If I had the choice of his remembering how to use the bathroom or our anniversary. You guessed it, bathroom. You have to look for the blessings, but they are there.
Thanks Vickie and phil4:13.
Truly I am ok today. I think I am kind of happy. The pictures were fun to go through.
Had a good visit with the grandkids. Of the 7, we only see the two youngest. Even though my dil is separated from my son she still welcomes us into their lives.
Art's neurologist appointment went as expected - he has lost ground. He has been holding at 22 for the last 2 years. Interesting that she no longer does the clock. But, for the first time he has lost spatial abilities to the point it showed up, so she said the time to give up driving is not far off. Of course, he does not remember her talking about it. I will wait until I get a copy of her report for the visit and go from there. He is happy he can now wait a year to go back, instead of 6 months unless he has some problems come up.
Visited my sister which was not pleasant. She was still laying in bed at 3pm. She still thinks she had her stroke at her daughter's in California, not in her bedroom. I told her she had right there (pointing to the floor) and that is where Art found her - she called me a liar! I also asked her if she planned to lay in bed waiting to die, why did she have the surgery to clean out her carotid artery. She had no idea what I was talking about. She asked me why I was there since I told her I would never talk to her again. She is thinking back to the mid-70s when she left her husband for another guy. Her daughter has her head up in the clouds in denial about her condition.
I am thinking honestly about whether I could handle her and her nastiness. If I can detach myself from my feelings, put that wall up like has been discussed on another thread here - then I can.
I posted on Facebook that he has been stable for 3 years and now the 'Alzheimer's honeymoon is over'. I use the word honeymoon because it was mostly dealing with short term memory, repeating, etc. Now it is going downhill. Maybe this too will go slow- but we never know.
Got home and furnace had not been working - the MH was about 45 degrees and the cat was yelling at us. The thermostat was not working right. Had to turn it down to 50 to come on, then it stayed on until it was 70 in here. Today we tried to switch the thermostat out with the new one we installed for the back a/c, but the screws were so tight on the heater one, we couldn't get the wires off. I tried turning it back on and it came on like it should. For now it is working but we will need to replace it. Just more RV maintenance I am learning to do.
So today didn’t start out very well. Woke up at 3AM with a UTI ……me not DH. I’ve had them before, but this one was extremely painful. If you’ve never had one consider yourself lucky. I was in the bathroom on & off from 3AM to 6AM (more on then off…..no pun intended!). I finally took a mega dose of ibuprofen & it actually took most of the pain away. Of course Thursday my doctor isn’t in the office so I thought that maybe I’d go to the ER. I text my daughter & asked her to come over after she got off of work. I didn’t want to take DH along with me & I was hoping that he could stay with her. She came over & told me to call our OB/GYN to see if they could fit me in. They did, DH stayed with her & I got some antibiotics. There was no reason to go into detail about what was wrong to DH so I just told him that my stomach hurt. He was fine staying with our daughter & was very relieved to see me after I got back. He told me that he thought that he was going to lose me. So I took my medicine & hopefully by tomorrow this will all be a bad dream (unlike what else I’m dealing with).
Thanks Mary75* I do feel much better today. The one thing I forgot to say is that I forgot how much pain is associated with a UTI. I, of course, was able to process that I was in pain, & I was able to communicate to my daughter that I had to go to the doctor. Now think of our LO’s who have UTI’s. They know that something is wrong, but the ones that can’t communicate can’t tell us what is wrong. Now if I couldn’t communicate, but I was in as much pain as I was in, I would definitely act up. I can’t imagine having a painful UTI for more than a day. It would drive anyone crazy
elaine thank you for addressing the pain and discomfort associated with uti. as everyone knows my DH has cronic uti due to enlarged prostate issues so its a constant source of issues. and its so true, unless you have a good feel for your spouse and their demeanor many times a uti can go undetected and they are in a great deal of pain with no way to express that but to act up and the only way to bring attention to the pain. untreated it can move to the uretha /kidneys and cause a great deal of infection and kidney impairment. its mainly the first line of defense for us as spouses to check out when they start acting out of the ordinary - and with antibiotics it can be treated very easily without alot of repercussions. divvi
FINALLY! Some good news in our family. We are the proud grandparents of a baby boy! He was born last night. It's not been great around here - daughter in the throws of a divorce she doesn't want, younger son lost his job, DH is now in Hospice care - so this was a much needed blessing! This makes number 4 on the grandkids list.
Congratulations on your new grandbaby! Happy news. So sorry about the rest of your post, though. Guess we all have to take the good with the bad. Hugs to you.
congratulations phil4 on the new addition to the family. yes babies, new furry friends, and any wonderful distractions along with the caregiving are needed and bring smiles.
Congratulations on the new little one. Grandkids are the best! I'm always surprised by the names the newest little ones are given. Whatever happened to John & Joe? ;)
Congratulations on the new grandbaby. They just seem to make the world a better place. We had a brand new baby in front of us at church yesterday. I spent almost the whole time looking at the baby. I wanted so bad to just hold and rock him. I have always enjoyed rocking babies. Very relaxing for me. Enjoy your new grandson :)) Just look at him and don't think about anything else.