My dh is mostly pretty easy to get along with unless there is a discussion about his alcohol consumption (we've already discussed that at length on this forum), which I try very hard to avoid. However, now that the days are getting shorter, he is getting more difficult to get along with. He can get all defensive about almost anything I say at any time and I'm getting pretty damn tired of it all. And, he steadfastly refuses to tell me when he's going out for a walk. Of course, I always know because the alarm goes off whenever the door is opened and I see him walking up the driveway. When I ask him to tell me that he is going he asks me why he should tell me. He has always and still does quiz me totally about where I might be going, when exactly I will be back, yet he refuses to even tell me he's going for a walk. Anyway, this is getting more and more prevalent and he is taking off several times/day/evening where he used to just go for a short walk after dinner. I think I've read on this forum that I should not wait until his behavior really deteriorates significantly before going for stronger meds.
He is beginning to drive me crazy. He can't do anything for himself but resents me asking him anything - tells me I'm not his mother. REALLY? Oh boy, can you tell I'm p.o.'d? Being always patient and sorry for nothing is a very tough job (as you all already know). Sorry for the rant. Now I feel better.
mothert the fact hes taking off on his own is the start of worry. it may not be long you may have to resort like many of us to dead bolts to keep him inside. especially now winter will be here. they can get lost so fast even when they appear ok to be on their own it will come out of nowhere. iif i knew back when what i know now i would definately start the meds earlier than later. staying one step ahead is always a good idea in this disease. otherwise once things spiral down it causes alot of grief and stressful situations. some of these meds can be used as preventatives of behaviors that are to come. it may ease his demeanor enough for you to keep him more compliant. divvi
Mary--You have brought up an issue that was difficult for me. My husband was on antipsychotics for years after dx, but since I'm not a medical professional, it was hard for me to tell when they needed to be tweaked. Even with the meds, he wasn't always an easy patient and sometimes his problem behaviors were erratic. I finally learned that it was worthwhile to stay in frequent contact with his doctor and to tell him what I was seeing. Sometimes he would say to wait, we just made a med adjustment recently. Other times, he said it's time for a stay in the geripsych ward. Finally, things got to the point where his neuro said he needs such frequent adjustments, he needs to move to a facility where he can be monitored on a weekly basis by medical staff (which is what I did in August). So bottom line, there's no harm in keeping in touch or seeing the doctor freqently, especially if your hb happens to be a more "challenging" dementia patient. From your previous posts, I think that may be the case--hope this helps.
As far as putting dead bolts on the doors, that wouldn't stop him - he'd just open it and go out. We really don't have a room in the house that he couldn't escape from if he wanted to. So, I'll just have to rely on the alarm to let me know what he's up to. Actually, his "evening" walk has been a good thing, for the most part, because he often is irritated with me for whatever reason and after he gets back he's always all lovey dovey again; so I stopped trying to regulate that. If he starts to wander off, I'll do what I have to do then. For now, I'm sorry to admit, I take the path of least resistance.
I think the deadbolts divvi wrote about are the double keyed ones. They require a key on the inside to unlock the door. I had to use those to keep my husband in the house. It took him a bit to get used to them, but now they don't bother him at all. I keep the keys in my pocket at all times and have keys hidden near the doors for an emergency.
Deb, you sound just like me. I have keys hidden in several places and always have them with me. It is really tricky though when you don't have pockets. What do you do? I sometimes wear a hoodie, just to have pockets. Our double lock door has been a Godsend. I only wish I had gotten it earlier.
I try to always have pockets too. I have put the keys on a lanyard around my neck under my shirt where he can't see them. Make sure you wear a breakaway kind just in case you get them caught on something or he tries to grab them if he by chance sees them.
I don't know if he even knows what a key is anymore. I don't want to take the chance but I really think I could attach a key right to the door and he wouldn't know how to use it.
jang, you can get a key chain to clip on your belt. (I always wear jeans so I always have a belt loop.) I like the key chains that they give you at the casinos. I myself don’t go to any casinos, but I have a friend who used to go all the time & when she would forget her card they always gave her another one, so she had quite a few that she gave me. I have my car keys & house keys on that & usually have that on me at all times.
it will get to a point where they dont even see a key in the lock and wont be an issue anymore. mine got to a point he could pull on the doorknob with the key in the deadbolt and not know what it was for. how sad they get to this point but safety comes first. i kept mine around my wrist hanging on a rubber band:)
I wear jeans all the time when I am going out shopping but I find them too confining when I am home. The sweat pants that I prefer in the colder weather rarely have pockets. I could try the rubber band. When I don't have them with me, I put them in a coat pocket and they are easy to get. Not to mention the ones I have hidden here and there.
So, at what point with your lo do you decide that you can lock them in without them making a big fuss? When can you get away with that? My dh's memory is getting progressively worse, but he can still get around well (albeit very slowly). He does have a cataract in his only remaining eye which is beginning to effect his vision to the point that I think it will have to be removed soon. But, other than that, he's still pretty aware of what's going on even if he can't remember for long.
sometimes you just have to lock them in regardless of the fuss mothert. especially if its winter ice cold out and they cant be safe alone outdoors either due to getting confused or just due to the weather issues. if you live where temps drop below freezing or in temps over 100deg in summer they wont last long if they become disoriented. many of us had to just bite the bullet and deadbolt the doors with keyed locks and watch them rant and rave over the closed door. mine literally worked on it with a fork trying to remove it from the hinges. he would go by the door while pacing in the afternoons and pull on the door try the knobs every round he made. it was exhausting for him and me. but it kept him indoors and safe. eventually the door became a non issue with him and he would forget he wanted out. its very sad to come to these dramatic changes we have to do sometimes to keep them safe. my dh was a runner, aka could be gone and out the door up the road in less than 5min while i was in the bathroom. you never know when they will get a notion to want to leave. some could not make the deadbolts work for their spouses either way as they would try windows or break things to get out. in that case i doubt anyting would hold them but a strong med to counteract the aggitation. i am sure there are other options out there and some here have tried new techniques.
If this problem becomes more than you can handle, perhaps it's time to consider placement in a locked dementia unit. Safety has to be the first consideration--we've all heard those sad accounts on the news where a dementia patient got out and was found too late (of course, this sometimes can even happen when the person is living in a facility). Miraculously, this is one problem I never had. I even heard my husband telling one of the aides "I'm not allowed to go outside". I had to smile, I'd never told him that, he just didn't want to go out and take a walk with her, as she had suggested.
Mothert, Does you DH carry a cell phone? I used the Family locator plan for my DH for the last year or so when he was going on walks on his own. As long as the phone is on you can find him on a map on your phone or computer. It came in handy a few times. Eventually it became unsafe for him to walk on his own.