I have been taken in by a close family member. Foolishly I have believed her sad tale and given her far too much money. I have read about old people being taken in and thought that would never happen to me how dumb can a person be? Well I've discovered that con people are much smarter than I. I don't lie and I believe that others won't either. OK laugh. I guess because this is a close family member I just wanted to believe. She is too clever for a dummy like me. Well, now sons have found all this out and want to have a "meeting" next Sunday to discuss taking over my finances. I can see why they think I'm incapable I would too if I was looking at this from the outside. FD will NEVER willingly turn over his finances to anyone! It will be a hassle to be nice about it. I don't think this is necessary as I'm not incapable of handling things. I don't think it is possible to do this unless they have both of us declared incapable and that isn't the case. These are our sons who want to take care of us I understand. One is a degreed accountant and would do a great job but FD will not appreciate what he will consider an insult. FD had a position in his working days that required him to take care of millions and he was very good at what he did. In his own finances he would know not only how much money he had in his billfold but the bills would be in numerical order all facing the same way (no joke). Also he would know how much change he had in his pocket. That is a serious money person. I on the other hand was not that orderly why would I be when he was so good. Of course his capacity now is greatly diminished. When I was giving the money to this family member he was in agreement which won't help when they want to "help". This really makes less sense because I have power of attorney for my 90 year old sister and handle all her money and other business. So if I can't handle my own how can I take care of hers? I have enough trying to keep my sanity and remember that FD isn't going to eventually recover as he has from previous illnesses. This is my life and will only get worse. Well my sad tale on this Sunday p.m. Heaven help me I don't want a scene with my sons!
flo i think in this case honestly will be the best policy. you must come clean in the the meeting and just admit you were naive and were taken advantage of due to your honest nature. the more rational you appear the better for you in front of your sons. whatever money you gave this family member maybe the sons would be in a good position to work out a recovery plan to help you recover that money at some point instead of chastizing. if you can accomplish the meeting without involving your husband it may be better for you. i am sorry to hear you were taken in by this person but we learn our lessons many times the hard ways. if you have a sitdown powwow with family maybe ask for help in areas you may need but without turing over the complete financials. if you can allow them to see for a couple of months that you are prudent in the money matters maybe things will settle down. i dont think they can declare you incompetent without taking you to court nor do they want to put you thru that. i hope you can work thru this and just try to set their minds at ease with what has transpired. and of course this person who now owes you money should be made to pay you back at some point. good luck flo! divvi
Do you have a lawyer? Before I would let well meaning family members take over anything like this I would seek my own legal advice. This is the type of situation that could get nasty and to get a judge to grant them order over your financial situation you might find them ( the court ) wanting proof you are not capable of managing your own affairs..
To preclude them taking over all your finances and putting you on an allowance, maybe if you agree to confer with them about loaning money to a relative, ( and maybe they can help get your funds back from that family member who is too clever by half) or making a decision that involves great sums, you would talk it over with them..
Anyone can be suckered in but that doesn't mean you are not capable of managing your funds or other things about your home and life.
I don't see how you can help not having a scene with your sons. You should have had some sort of "agreement to pay back" written up. If they want to deal with the family member themselves, let them. That will be a good thing because she won't easily get money from you again. We try to be charitable and share our good fortune but it sometimes backfires. It would be very difficult for your sons to have you declared incompetent. If your dh has a diagnosis of ALZ, he may have to turn his finances over. Your sons may just want to oversee how you handle things in the future. Hopefully they have your interests at heart. Are your sons co-trustees on your trust? Good Luck.
Thank you for taking time to answer. There is zero chance of recovering any of the money. This person (our adopted daughter) lives in low income housing, on a disability check and uses food stamps. I was convinced she is not on drugs as she has been in the past because she has hepatitis and has been treated for that recently. Her health is poor from her past drug use which was (I thought) about five years ago. But all I can figure she has used the money for is drugs because it is a considerable amount I have given her. Her story was she was paying money she owed to the court for various crimes. This sounded very reasonable to me. I know I should have gone to the county building with her to see exactly what she was paying (obviously nothing). But that's the past and now I have to deal with the future. Relations between her and her brother has been poor to say the best of it because of her past behavior that included her child that her brother cared for briefly. A very messy situation. Now what concerns me is losing my relationship with this son over this situation. I am a praying believer so will continue to ask for guidance from above. There's nothing He can't resolve.
Mimi - I have talked with a lawyer but he has not been retained as such. I'm hoping to avoid spending any more money at this time paying a lawyer and to work this out with the sons. Eventually, I know, we will have to consult with the doctor about FD and then see how, legally, I can control the finances that are now in his name only. FD seems to be ok with taking care of them (for the time being). That too will be a difficult situation. Yikes! I hate all this. So another week begins.
Shirley - No the sons are not trustees of our trust. One son will be named executor of the trust when we are both deceased. They do have our best interest in mind. I trust both will do what they think is right. We just might not think the same way. Thanks again for your interest in my mess.
Flo, here in Canada, a person has to be examined by 2 doctors to be declared incompetent, so you don't need to be worried about that for yourself. I agree with the others that your family want to help. They just don't yet see it from your point of view. Down-peddle it with them (be honest, as Divvi suggests) and keep them on your side: "It happened, it won't happen again, thanks for understanding." They know their sister, and all you can do is assure them. Maybe say that if you are approached again by her for money or financial help of any kind, that you will let them know immediately. Tell her the same thing, "Sorry, I need your brothers to be involved in this decision."
Mary75* - that is what I had thought about with the sons. It is good advice on any financial matters and especially now since FD no longer is objective about daughter. He still insists we did the right thing and today asked if I had heard from her. I told him I didn't really want to and he thinks I'm really mean to her. So that's what I'll face from here on I expect.