I went to the pcp for my annual physical yesterday and left frightened and crying. Dr. and I finished the time discussing dh. I asked him to please manage dh's anemia rather than the hematologist who wants to put 85 yr. old dh through one procedure after another, some requiring anesthetic which I oppose vehemently. All these different doctors and appointments are getting very confusing for dh. Anemia isn't as bad as it was in 2004. I also mentioned dh had lost weight and no real reason for the anemia. Dr. said he didn't like to hear that. Then he went on to say he felt that this would be the last holiday season for dh. It would be time to have that family picture taken and necessary legal papers drawn up. He has known dh for 10 yrs. I just can't accept this. I feel that dh is too vital for this. He still takes care of his ADLS just fine. Eats but not a lot. I can't even bring myself to repeating any of this to the children.
Have any of you received unexpected news like this ? Doctors usually won't say anything about death until it is right on the doorstep.
I think your doctor is a very wise and caring man. Its so much easier to get your affairs in order at your leisure rather when all is in turmoil. None of us knows when our last season is upon us.
Shirley--Your PCP and his message are blessings. What he had to say may have upset you and the thoughts of what his advice means may hurt, but compared to the other Drs.with their "test this and test that; fix this, and fix that" always trying to "make it better" his advice is very compassionate. He'll care for your DH and if you follow his advice you'll have the paperwork done and the memories made. If he's wrong, the added time you'll have will be unburdened with the paperwork, and even more memories can be made. But, if he's right, you won't be missing out on memory time because of paperwork. You'll be able to more peacefully help your DH finish the journey. You'll be doing it on your terms . . .not ALZ's.
Shirley, I agree with everyone here. I know that it was scary to hear all the dr. said and I think there is nothing about this disease that is not scary but it sounds like he has a wonderful dr. and really cares about the both of you. You will be very glad that you got all your papers in order before hand. It will aliviate stress in the long run.
I don't know your doctor but I think he was trying to prepare you and help you get business in order. DH doctor told me last October, it will not be long now. Soon will be another October!
Shirely, I am so sorry that your are have these "cold hard facts" to anquish over. But it appears that your doctor has your and your husband's interests at heart. My journey and many other's on this site journey would be different if we had had a true caring doctor speak this truthfully with us years ago. I know that it is difficult, but afterall none of us are promised another holiday on this earth,dementia or no dementia. I trust that you will pray over this and take his advice to heart. No need to discuss with family if you are not ready. Take the pic, get the legal papers in order and let life roll on. If he lives to be another 5 years older, no harm done. Right? I am sure that Carossi said it much better than me.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice. Fortunately the family picture was taken not too long ago and I have an appointment with attorney to go over legal papers we drew up in 2003 when we were both in good health. I have told just my son and DIL what the doctor has "predicted". They are the most compassionate people on earth and are so supportive. My other 4 children wouldl never believe this and mean-mouth the dr. for upsetting them. If my dh were bedridden or very ill, I think I could accept easier but when I see him declining so slowly it is hard to believe. I have a lot of respect for our pcp and like you all tell me, I'll just keep going and if we have more time we will just be thankful. Without this site, I would really be just stumbling along. Now I feel like I have friends who really understand. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Shirley, I haven't seen it mentioned on the boards lately but as soon as i see the word 'lawyer' my ears perk up. You are absolutely right to get your wills updated so he's not responsible for you, to get DPOAs and DPOAs for health care for both of you, again making your son responsible for you rather than your husband. You probably should consider getting house and car in your name to make things easier in the future. But make sure that your lawyer knows about ELDER LAW, not just estate planning. If you don't feel confident that s/he does, don't make any commitments to trusts or whatever without talking to someone for whom it is a speciality. Do some searches here on this board for discussions.
I just had to add that, when we were getting our wills and papers in order, I didn't say anything to the lawyer about Dh's condition, not wanting to upset Dh , but the lawyer picked up something was not right. She advised me to get a Dr's letter stating Dh knew and understood what he was signing...just in case someone contests the will in the future, saying he did not know what he signed. Sad as it is, when it comes to money, if one member of the family feels they are missing out and is not happy, they could make it hard for everyone else. I am also his Enduring Power of Attorney, to act on his behalf.