Well I was given some frustrating news today. Some of you might remember that a few months ago I tried unsuccessfully to have my DH go to the local adult day care center. He thought it was a nursing home (because some of the people had wheel chairs & used canes & were older) so he refused to go. Well I thought that if he would have just given it time he would have really liked to go because he is still very social. Whenever we go shopping or out to eat, God forbid anyone makes eye contact with him because he will go over to them & start talking. Anyway about a month ago I had the idea that maybe the two of us could go in & volunteer a few hours a week so that he could meet the people & get used to the surroundings & then maybe he would actually go there without me having to stay there. So I called the lady who was so helpful when we initially signed him up & presented my idea to her. She said that she would have to run it by the head administrator & she would get back to me. Well she finally got back to me today & said that after talking it over with everyone who would be involved they decided that it wouldn’t be appropriate to have him come in as a volunteer. She said that she was sorry. I was so very disappointed. I thought of this as a way to get him to go there. Oh well, I guess on to plan B (whatever that is.)
Isn't that disappointing? I really think they could have accommodated you. You are only trying to maintain the dignity of your hb. You would be there to watch out for him lessening their responsibility. Maybe they will change their mind .
It's all about money. It's always about money. If they let him be a volunteer, they don't get money for him being there.
What most people around here do is pay for the days or 1/2 days their spouses go, but TELL them they are going to volunteer and help. If you are willing to pay, watch how fast they will change their tune and suddenly, it will be "appropriate" for him to "volunteer".
if hes not officially written in as a patient, he would be a liability to them on the premises. anything that happened would be their responsibility - that can make them leary of allowing something like this.
Could you sign him up as a patient, then tell him he's volunteering and stay to "help" the first couple days or so? Obviously you'd be paying, but it might work as an experimental transition.
Elaine--I did exactly what the others above have said. Told him he was a volunteer (for years) and paid the regular fee. The only thing different about what you are suggesting is that you would be there for a few hours as well, and could stop doing that once he's adjusted. I think we need to realize that they are running a business and need to consider things like liability, as Divvi said. Using the volunteer cover story is a very commonly used tactic by most, if not all, adult day programs.
joang, you are right, it is always about the money. divvi, I understand all about the liability issues, but here is the deal: When I came up with this idea in my head, I called the adult day care & asked if they ever had volunteers come & help. The lady I spoke to (who is the PR person for the facility) told me that they do have volunteers come & help. So I told her my idea, which is to have BOTH of us come in a few hours a week (maybe 2 hours one day & 2 hours another day). We would be volunteers & help wherever we were needed (I know that Tom wouldn’t necessarily be that much help, but the whole idea is that he gets to know the other people there & gets familiar with the place). I would not leave him there by himself, so if any issue came up I would be there to either deal with it or take him home. I also don’t want to go through the whole process of signing him up & paying for him to go there & me to be there with him for a few hours a day & then him not wanting to go there after all. The ironic thing is that when they made the decision not to let us volunteer, they obviously weren’t looking at the big picture. First they would have 2 volunteers (or at least one) for a while & then if everything worked out they would have a paying client 2 days a week. The idea of telling him that he is a helper or volunteer & then just taking him there & dropping him off won’t work (unless of course we could do it together for a while!) I’m not really angry; I guess I’m just frustrated & sad. I do think that I will write them a letter, but before I send it I will post it here on this thread so you all can give me your advice on any changes you think I should make. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I know that you all understand & care & I love you for that!
I am sorry it didn't work out the way you suggested. I didn't think my husband who was 58 years old at the time would stay at Daycare either, however, I was surprised. I took him for a visit, they suggested I leave for a few hours, which I did, he was fine when I returned. He then started going 2 days a week, did he want to go every time "No", but, he went. I also told him he was such a good helper they loved when he came, that put a smile on his face. I like divvi think they are concerned about liability. What if your husband hit or pushed another Daycare patient. I remember filling out quite a few papers before my husband could attend.
The way I got my dh to go to day care was to tell him he was going to 'work' they needed his help. I'd give the staff an envelope w/$10 which they'd give him for his 'pay,' which he then gave to me, which I then gave back to the staff, etc. He was signed in as a client and I paid, of course, but the staff was very helpful. Hope you can work something out with them.
Kadee, I understand the liability issue, but we would be there as volunteers just as the other volunteers. I would imagine that we would have to go through the same process as other volunteers do. I don’t expect to just show up one day & say, “Here we are ready to volunteer.” I imagine that we would have to fill out paper work too & sign releases etc. I also remember filling out mounds of paperwork before he went that one time & I’d rather not go through that again if he really isn’t ready to go there & I thought that if we could go there a few hours as volunteers I would be able to tell if he was ready. I also understand that for some LO’s telling them that they are helpers or that they are going to work helps them to go, but as I said, it wouldn’t work in our case.
Elaine - yes, you would be volunteers but they know your husband medical condition and that would create a liability right there if he were a volunteer. I go with the others idea of paying for him and you volunteer. You will have to decide if the cost for him is worth it to find out if he will accept going on his own.
Perhaps they are also concerned about setting a precedent. I think the majority of people who attend daycare do not do so willingly at the beginning. If they allow you to make special arrangements, how can they say no to others coming along later?
there are some churches that do volunteer work and have AD patients. check around and maybe this daycare isnt something he is ready for but you may find another volunteer effort that would be willing to give it a try with you both. any daycare atmosphere maybe a good trial to test the waters. i dont think you are going to get around signing up and paying and then getting him used to the idea. almost all have issues at first attending away from home. it takes time and effort but as we see here most adjust over time. they need routines and anything out of the ordinary tends to cause conflict. but like everything else we have to be willing to endure the first steps which are usually very hard on us too.