I hate to admit this, but I really am not looking forward to picking her up in the morning from the NH. I have been given a glimpse of what life after, looks like. I know that I can not leave her there, but I still wish things were different. The break has been good. In fact I did not realize how exhausted I was, I slept late the first two mornings and felt wiped out most of the day. I need to get my mind back into the game and the task that is still ahead.
I hear you. Watch for the reaction because I have to admit I don't take respites because I learned that when I come back from even a few days away - I dare to react normally to the grotesque horror I'm being told to live in.
I got so angry inside for a week or two. So for me I'm coping ok (ugly but getting through it), then I get a real break and feel like a human being, then I have to go back to this and hate it until I get numb again.
We do need a break and I get my annual 3 days off at the end of the month. It's the boy's weekend and tequila and stupidity are involved.
I hope you had a good break and that you don't go through what I go through.
I just got back from Iceland. I had a great trip . Weather was good, not cold, cloudy up in the fjords but warm and glorious in Reykjavik. But about 3 days before leaing the fjords, the depression and frustration started to move in. Someone here asked if I was looking forward to getting back And I said hell no! They were shocked and asked why and I said who wants to come back to the news of the moral and Economic decay of America and to the madness I deal with with in the person who is my best friend and now is no longer my partner in life but someone I watch disappear inch by inch? I came home to find DH was not given meds as directed...insulin only once a day rather than twice...the cats overfed because DH was helping and they were free fed and were not to be fed this way. It makes me think respite breaks are just another bad joke and I don't think it is worth It. I arrived home in an ok mood but in the naked light of day I saw just what had happened while I was gone.........I just got so p&$;: off I nearly lost it.
I felt the same way after I got back from 4 days away but have made up my mind that I am going to our son's when the new baby comes. Will be joy for a while until I come back to reality.
I've never had a respite,but if I came back any angier than I am now it would be unsafe around here.Seems for each brief minute of calm there are hours of unrest.I don't mean to be resentful of taking care of DH I love him with all my heart,but I am just not a nice person anymore and I am so ashamed of how I feel. Wish you all had more restful time but I can image that in the backs of your minds you probably did not want to return!
I read Joan's article on envy...while I agree with the dictionary meaning of the word, in my case I don't consider it true envy to wish I too had all the freedoms and all the rest that goes with the healthy world and relationship with my DH as I don't wish that those others didn't have it and were in as miserable a situation as I am now...I thought I would come home full of gleeful stories of how the trip went, and it went well enough. But even in Iceland I could not get away from the thoughts that these folks I would see with the grand kids at the park on the sunny days, or the couples walking down the streets have something I don't anymore. In fact when I got home I see even more of the decline in my DH that maybe were there but because I was away for nearly 3 weeks it all came into focus...that alone makes me sad and angry at what is going on..I looked forward to the respite time but with hesitation because of so many chores etc that needed done that I did not have time to cope with it..I still question if respite time off is worth the frustration when we return. So far I would vote no on that one.
Mimi - on House Hunters International they had a couple moving to Icleand. It was very interesting to see their housing and lifestyle there - so much slower than here.
I was very shocked to see all the new bruises DW has, and I am still trying to figure out why oneside of her rear is bright red. It looks like she has a sun burn, yet she does not say that it hurts. Of course she does not remember anything. I feel bad, that she had to go thru this.
Be wary of that reddened area, moorsb, it could be that she wasn't cleaned well after a bm, or it could be the start of a pressure sore...is it over a bony area? Keep an eye on it over the next few days; maybe apply some petroleum based product in case it is a burn from not being cleaned properly. If it doesn't improve, you may want to have it checked.
Please report this to hospice nurse. My dh came back with severe redness on butt cheeks beginning iof breakdow that was july 19 it is not clear yet. He was dehydrated, no t(ing, lips peeling, hand contracted and sour smelling. Ireported all this and told them he was never turned or gotten out of bed and apparently not given fluids. He cannot ask for anything. I raised holy hell. I am inn constant contact with social worker and told them he will never be back for respite.
this is exactly why i dont use the free respite hospice offers. while some give pretty good care many do not. the examples posted by so many are disheartening especially if you see what they bill medicare/medicaide
agreed that the reddened area could be possible area of compromised skin due to lack of movement.
Your so correct divvi, son went to visit him there and dh would not wake up. I also believe he was drugged other than medications sent with him. I did take picture of his bottom for evidence should I have needed tham.
if i were to use a respite facility and something were amiss when they got home, i 'd definately ask for a sitdown review with a qualified medical staff of his chart for instructional care while under their care. it would have a detailed report of the everyday care, plus any medications added or not given. it would also say when they were bathed, rotated, and or moved when they ate and had fluids. if you have to go thru the doctor on call while they are admitted as patient, then its a way to also get this type of info. as we know we can get copies of our records from any medical facility for a nominal charge. . i would be especially leary if they refused to give out the info upon request. as a matter of fact, i would tell the facility upfront before respite, that i would want a copy of the detailed caregiving that was administered upon departure.