I can hardly believe it - a mere 8 hours from now I will be heading up the mountain pass with my 2 best friends for the entire weekend; won't get back home until Sunday afternoon. I've arranged for each daughter to take a day with their dad, and on Sunday after daughter #1 leaves, the husbands of my two friends will bring pizza to my dh and go for walks or whatever. I feel so blessed to have great friends (and their husbands), daughters who give up their weekend to be with their dad to give me a break. Dh is behaving pretty strange about it, I think he's just a bit apprehensive about me being gone for 3 days. He got stupid drunk tonight and I had to chase him down in our somewhat steep driveway as he tried to go for a walk because he was weaving all over the place. Have to say I was pretty disgusted with him tonight; it took all I have to avoid a big blow up because I was so irritated by his behavior. But, I got through it and I'm just about ready to hop into bed and dream about my weekend away. Hallelujah! I'm beginning to feel so free.
I hope your return goes better than mine did yesterday. Too much went off track here and it made me think it would have been better to have stayed home. I wonder how many caregivers run away for good ?
Hey, Mimi, what happened? I'm so sorry your time away had a bad ending. This whole journey is so difficult for all of us caregivers and running away is always something so tempting, but impossible; it would be like abandoning an infant.
I have to admit before my girlfriend retreat this weekend, I've wanted to run away many times. Last week with dh was especially trying and I probably would have done something desperate if our weekend had not happened. As it turned out, I left him with our two daughters - one each day - and off I went and only called once/day because my girlfriends were calling their husbands. Our daughters both reported that Dad had been very easy and that they had absolutely no problems. The youngest one even said that they sat out on the deck for hours talking and socializing (something that I don't do with him because he wants to drink too much in those situations), and all was well. Daughter #2 called me tonight to report a wonderful time with her dad and remarked on the improvement from our times together last July. "Whatever changes you've made in his meds are working" is what she said. DH spent the afternoon with the husbands of my girlfriends and they reported that he "tracked" well and seemed in good spirits and just fine. When I got home he was happy to see me and all was well. I was a bit apprehensive because I haven't done this before; but, heck, this went so well I think I'll do more of it (now just have to get the daughters to give up more weekends for me :-). We have already booked our reservations for next year and added on extra days - it was really wonderful to be away and not responsible for anybody but me.
Dh has been badgering our youngest daughter because she is the one who now possesses his precious guns. I was worried that her time with dad would not go well if he started in on her about the guns so I told her to tell him that she had given them back to me, which she did. I stressed a bit on the way home about what I would tell him when he asks where his guns are. I finally settled on telling him that his guns are stored somewhere in a safe place and if he wants them back, he can ask the doctor about that the next time we see him. If the doc says yes, then I will give them back. Of course, the doctor is the one who ordered the weapons out of the house in the first place, so there's no chance that he will okay them coming back in. So, I think/hope that will defuse this issue for a long time (no such thing as forever, I'm finding out). Never the less, it got dd off the hook with dd.
WEll when you leave clear directions for medications for the hubby and directions for the cats, who each have different issues and they are not followed.....hubby got his insulin only once a day vs twice and the cats who are not to be free fed are...and one is to lose wt to prevent diabetes and the other to maintain due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy...well to come back to two tubby cats..is not what I wanted to see..then add to that the mess generally all around, no one bothered to wipe up drips on the kitchen floor, and not only to I have to come home to unpacking and laundry but to weeks worth of house cleaning..I didn't expect the Merry Maids to come and have it 100% perfect but geeze...dirty sink, dirty stove, dirty refrig and a broken drawer, dirty floors,.....what was the point of going away just to come home to this kind of mess and stress when it is enough to know you are coming back to the routine of meds and endless errands and doctor appointments and not enough time for oneself? I think respite time away is just a big bad joke played on caregivers of ALZ pts.We are just as much in jail as the victim of the disease itself..
Oh dear, I'm so sorry that didn't work out. All I have read on this forum about helpers is that it most often takes several tries before you get the one you're looking for. This weekend for me went so well because of family members who did what I asked of them and good friends - all close to the family in the first place. Somebody from the outside needs to be trained up, I guess, and from what I hear the process can be lengthy and frustrating. I've always thought of Merry Maids as being housekeeper types, not caregivers, so I am confused.
I also tho't Merry Maids were housecleaners, but I guess they aren't even that. Maybe it's same name different group. BUT it doesn't matter, I'd be complaining to agency. There's no excuse for not following directions--especially where meds are concerned.
Reading back over Mimi's post I don't believe Merry Maids stayed with him. I think she meant she didn't expect the house to be in "Merry Maid" condition but it to be reasonably clean. I'm sure she will update us on that.