A great article, Mary - but my DH has never exhibited bizarre behavior. Misplacing things, losing things, forgetting from one minute to the next and not having good judgment, were the first signs. Now, after 7 plus years into this, he still does not exhibit anything bizarre.
I have to say the same as Vickie. My dh just couldn't function as before, showed signs of paranoia, couldn't remember the proper words, memory was robbing him of his past. I hope the bizarre stuff isn't yet to come. I thanked God driving was not an issue...I just said it was time he didn't drive anymore and the dr. told him the same thing. No one told him he wasn't capable. I think dh just assumed that at his age, 84, it was time to stop. My dh never had a bad temper so he doesn't exhibit one now.
MY dh didn't have bizarre behavior either. He did get angry over almost anything but I thought he was just turning into an old grouch. His memory was what made me take him to our PCP and thankfully he knew enough to get us an appointment with a neuro. His memory is now almost gone. He doesn't even remember 9/11 and that we were visiting his sister in Ohio when it happened.
No bizarre behavior here either. Misplacing things, trouble with paper work, forgetting and occasionally being confused about where we were, especially when out of town. He also doesn't remember 9/11. We are 3 1/2 years since diagnosis but about 7 years since first symptoms.
I hate to say it, but it does fit me somewhat. DH was not as bad as the man in the article. But the hiding the behavior from others sure does fit, along with the being mad at me all the time and going along with me on something one minute and mad as heck the next when I did what we had planned on.
DH would get mad a friends and tell inappropriate stories to people such as the Pastor at church. He too would agree to something one minute and get mad the next because we are doing or getting what he approved!
I try to make people aware of this constantly. If memory loss had not accompanied Sid's bizarre behavior in the beginning, before I had any idea what was wrong, I never would have considered taking him to a neurologist. I was considering marriage counseling. He was behaving like a lunatic. Irrational behavior, temper tantrums, screaming at clerks in the stores, making no sense in his reasoning. I was hysterical. Only because I dealt with language learning disabled kids all day long in my job, was I able to quickly notice other signs, such as inability to follow multi-step directions, which led me to the neurologist.
He also started talking non-stop. And I do mean non-stop. He would start a conversation with someone, and keep going, barely taking a breath, switching topics, and not have one inkling of what he was doing. The other person's eyes would glaze over, they would back up, try to end the conversation. Sid never noticed a thing. He just kept on going. When I made him aware of what he was doing, he was surprised, but had enough cognition at that point to be able to respond to a subtle hand signal from me when it was time to "shut up".
I always tell people - when your spouse suddenly starts behaving oddly, call a neurologist before you call a divorce lawyer.
Joang, I'm interested in Sid's "non-stop" talking jags at the beginning of his dementia. Have others on this site noticed this with their loved ones? My best friend, age 82, has started to do this, and she is unstoppable. It's as if she is out of control. Add some paranoia and increasing poor health, and I hate to tell you that I feel like running for the hills. I'm still exhausted from care taking Eric, the stress of his family and his death in Feb. and the financial problems due to the will. Any advice for me on how to handle her?
I don't recall a discussion about non-stop talking on this board, but maybe some others have encountered it.
As for your friend, does she have children or other relatives nearby, with whom you could express your concerns? You could try being honest and up front with her, but if she is in the beginning of dementia, it is most likely she will be in denial, and probably take it out on you. Which you don't need.
Very good article, Mary. And Joan your description of Sid mirrors my DH perfectly.
When my family physician threw me under the bus by handing my DH "the list" I'd compiled of DH's issues, my DH said,"If all this is true why haven't you divorced me?" The answer was "Because I love you, and I know none of this is YOU, there must be somehting causing it."
I often wonder how many marriages break up over undiagnosed Alheimer's....
Thanks, Joan, for reminding us of this writing that you did. I'll bet it seems a long time ago!
This weekend was a great example for us of what the article was referring to. Saturday morning, I told DH 5 things (over a few minutes, not all at once) about our morning plans. things like, I will be fixing breakfast after we drink our coffee, we will be having bacon/eggs/toast; today, I'll need to spend about 1 hour working in the garden; I put your clothes in the drier for you, etc. His response was, "why didn't you tell me that you put my clothes in the drier, you just like to see me get up when I don't feel good." "Why didn't you tell me we were eating breakfast, I thought that we were going to starve like we usually do." "So there you go, headed to your garden again. If I knew you were going to work in the garden all day, I wouldn't have gotten ready to work in the yard." "You never tell me anything." He has had a really bad 5 orf 6 days. Just angry about everything.
Joang, I found your answer helpful, especially the part about her getting upset if I tried to be honest and upfront with her. That I tried, and it didn't help one bit. She has two sisters who, according to my friend, are part of the problem, and all of us have had problems with these sisters. One lives here in the city ( a long history of feuding between the two), and the other lives an hour away by plane. She flies here for the opera, but I see no sign of her here during this crisis. However, she is in constant touch by phone with my friend. My friend has home support come in three times a week, for 2 hours each time. But after a 10-day hospital stay for UTI, we all thought that she needed more hours of home support, but she refused. Instead, she is calling on her friends to help her out: buy groceries, make meals, find lost bank cards and credit cards and keys that she is adamant one sister had taken (I found all but one of the missing items). Another factor is her jewelry. She is obsessed with its safety. Hour-long rantings on the phone are made to many of her friends, and the friends describe them as "manic." The way I read it is that she is making these decisions but not taking the responsibility for the consequences, and I don't want to be caught up in this hornets' nest. She has been the best of friends,and I feel sad about this, but I am so tired - I actually think it's going to take me a year to recover from the past 10 years of care-taking of DH. Somehow I feel angry about this. Don't really understand why. Any comments, anyone?
75 I told ya when Eric passed it was time for Mary time,now it seems like you've got yourself into a pickle,glad to see you survived the earthquake,please take some much needed time for JUST you
Thanks, ol don. Glad to report that yesterday she went to see her doctor, a psychiatrist and a social worker, which was arranged by one of her sisters. I find out now that this sister wanted to come and help her, but my friend refused. So I can afford to take two steps back, know she is cared for and that I don't have to do it. She was much calmer yesterday when I phoned her.