My neighbor called me last week and asked me if I was interested in talking to this young woman who was cleaning her house. It seems that she knows this woman because she had taken care of her elderly father (87) who has dementia. Dad liked this little gal, my friend likes this little gal, too and interviewed her pretty extensively for me before she called me. I met with her yesterday and I just love her!
Her name is Katy, she is 35 years old and has worked with "Visiting Angels" in the past and has experience with AD clients. She has a heart for seniors and children (perfect), is very organized and kind. She will do housework for me until dh needs her as a caregiver and she knows how to work that in. I did tell dh that she was here to help me now and him, when his time comes. At first he resists that he will ever need someone but me so I reminded him that the time will come that he will need more than I can give and we either have a helper come to the home for him or he will have to go to a facility. That was that, he is happy with this situation and he liked this young woman.
So, friend, pray for us that this all works out and for the long term. I can't tell you how bit my smile was yesterday after interviewing her and bringing her home to meet dh. From where I sit right now, she is just perfect. I truly hope that she is!
mothert, I am glad you have found someone your dh likes. I had to release the CNA that has been coming here for a few weeks, dh wasn't too happy having her here. He said he liked her but she didn't do anything except sit and he thought it was a waste of money to have her. I have spoken with the owner of the care company and he wanted to try a male CNA but I told him I prefer to wait a few weeks and see if dh would be more agreeable. If we have the male CNA coming here I am going to make sure he can/will do some cleaning and maybe dh will like it better. So far dh doesn't need help with anything so if the guy can do cleaning dh will be happier about not wasting money!
mothert, I'll say a prayer that all works out for you. It sounds as if she might be just the right person to help you out! You are fortunate that your DH understands that this is for his own good. My DH has never acknowledged that there is anything wrong with him. I don’t know if you remember, but a few months ago I tried to get my DH to go to our local Adult Day care program. The first day I took him there he decided that it was a nursing home so he refused to stay (they called me after he was there a half hour & I had to pick him up.) I still think that he would actually enjoy the socialization if he would just give it a chance, so I called them & ran an idea by them. I asked if it would be possible for my DH & me to come & volunteer a few hours a week for him to get familiar with the facility & the people. Then once he is comfortable maybe I could get him to go without me. I feel it’s worth a try. If that doesn’t work out I’m thinking of hiring someone for just a few hours a week. I’m actually thinking of paying my daughter to take care of him a few hours a week on a regular basis. Now, mind you, she tries to do that for me anyway & when I told her that I was thinking of paying her she balked at the idea. BUT, for one thing I know that she is going to cut back her hours at her job & I know that she can use the money. I told her that if she couldn’t do it I was going to have to pay SOMEONE to do it, so why not her. DH likes going to her house (across the street) & there wouldn’t really be a period of adjustment. I’m just looking for a few hours a week for myself.
Yeah, ElaineH, your daughter would be perfect. I wish our daughters were closer and more willing. They really don't know what to do with the new dad that greets them whenever they come - he's so different from the strong, confident, in charge fella they grew up with. I wonder if it isn't harder on daughters watching their fathers fade away??
I do have the help of our Financial Planner, who we have been spending lots of time with us lately, to convince dh that help is needed. The planner is showing us mortality charts and talking frankly with us about dh's advancing age and his looming needs (doesn't say anything about AD, just that he's getting old) - he asked dh point blank if he thought I'd be able to lift him as his health deteriorates (as it surely will) - dh said no - planner asked him if he would rather stay at home and have help come in or be placed in a facility. That was that! So, it is nice to have support from outside who is a professional who dh looks up to.
Mothert, that is awesome that you have a financial planner who asks such pertinent questions. I have yet to go to an eldercare lawyer. You know, it is hard on my daughters, but we also have 2 sons who live out of town & who only see their father a few times a year, if that & I think it’s almost harder on them. I am so blessed that all our children accept the fact that he has AZ & worry about me too.
It can be difficult to find the right person or people to help but once you do it is great. I now have 5 people that cover 24 hours a day and they are all excellent caregivers and I am so happy to have them taking care of my DH.
That's wonderful that you have everything covered, and, to your satisfaction. I'm curious, how did you end up with so many? When did you start and at what place was your dh when you added? How did he react to helpers, etc. My dh will be fine with Katy, I'm sure; I just hope that nothing happens where she will not be able to stay with us. She is the mother of 5 with a controlling husband of her own. I'm sure I should have someone else in the wings, just in case.
I have found that it takes 5 people to cover round the clock care=168 per week. I am hoping to reduce nighttime hours soon as he is sleeping well at night. My DH suffered a "crash" after hospitalization to adjust meds when he became violent and psychotic almost two years ago. When he went into the psych ward he could walk, talk, knew us, was continent, and could feed himself. Before the crash I had part time help to keep him company while I worked. Ten days later he required full time care. He is now in late stages of AD. He can't walk (stands up and sits down all day with a little shuffling), mostly unintelligible speech, incontinent, and requires feeding. We hired our caregivers through Craig's list and word of mouth. People who have worked in nursing homes have the experience needed.