Thursday I am having shoulder reconstructive surgery. What I am concerned about is Lynn. As most of you who know me know, Lynn's eating has been my biggest concern since placement. Simply put, he eats better for me. He eats some for the aides, but I can always get him to eat better. When I had my neck surgery and missed a week, he lost a lot of weight and had a major setback. I am torn.... I need to have the surgery as it is severely subluxing and dislocating. Just driving can make it come out of the socket.
I called Hospice, they said they will come to the nursing home, but they will not do a set time and told me I couldn't count on someone being there to try to help make sure he eats. Ok, thanks for nothing!
I have spoken with the nurse manager and she assures me they will do the very best they can. She has assigned one of the better aides there to oversee his care while I am gone. I talked to her about hiring a private aide, but as she pointed out, they wouldn't be able to do any more than the staff there can.
I was hoping having my sister go in might help. We tried it yesterday, but he wouldn't eat for her. But ate 80% for me. Uggggg!!!! I just don't know what to do. I want to cancel the surgery, but I will miss a lot of days seeing Lynn due to pain, so I know that is no solution.
I was upfront with the surgeon and told him I would not be following his post-surgery advice. I told him I couldn't miss more than a few days tops. He didn't try to argue with me, but respected my needs, and said well then, I will just have to make sure you can't move that arm! I really liked that about him :)
It will be awhile before I can do anything major for myself as I will be in an immobilizer for at least a month. Then I start the PT...... My sister has reluctantly agreed to give me rides for "a couple of weeks". I am not sure how long she will actually do it, and I have no one else I can count on. We don't even have a taxi service here. One way or another I will find a way to get there... and just pray real hard that he is ok the first few days it will hurt too much to get there.
acccck I am a mess and seriously considering canceling..... anyone have any better ideas?
Is there a community service bus for the area? Do churches have volunteers who will drive you. That sort of community volunteerism and staying w/shutins seems to be a "thing" in some churches in our area.
Our community does have a transit program but it is for the elderly. I am 44 so I don't think that is an option. I haven't been to church for a long time now, I have been rather angry....but perhaps they would know of an outlet I could use. I will call them Tuesday, thanks for the idea Zibby!
Nikki, you must have the surgery. You cannot take care of Lynn if you don't take care of yourself. We will all send up some prayers that Lynn and you will be okay. Love you, Grace
I would call the transit program again and tell them the situation. If it is public, I have never heard of one just for seniors - usually for seniors and disabled. I think you will fit the disabled part.
I am legally disabled, I will give them a call and see what their guidelines are, thank you Charlotte. My sister is a sweetheart and I love her to pieces, she just has never helped as I would have helped her...and have helped her. She gripes a lot, but when push comes to shove she is there for the major problems. I am hoping this is the case with the rides.....just to be safe though I do want to look into other transportation.
On a positive note, my 13 year old niece (the one who lives with me) has volunteered to wash my hair and help with any chores I can't do. My sister told me to just cut my hair, gee thanks! lol. It is very long, and I don't have the heart to cut it as Lynn has always loved it long. I am grateful my niece is such a sweet child!!
Were you in the room when your sister did the feeding? Perhaps in your absence he will do better for her after she does it a few times. I think I would rather it be her doing the feeding than an aide. Praying the surgery goes well and you bounce back really fast. A girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.
if you can manage hiring an aide JUST to oversee his meal times would be my suggestion nikki. the nh aides have other patients and cant dedicate alot of time like most of our AD spouses require for meals. his own person could sit and take the time to make sure he gets enough of the meals down.even if they came only at mealtimes it should help. that would be their only priority. and lots of liquid calories if nothing else. i agree sometimes without us there they tend to relax a bit and adjust if there is enough patience from another person. if the person is tense and non inviting they can tend to shut down. soothing and friendly and soft spoken i find helps alot when it has to be someone else. they sense the tension easily, and that also means from us.:) so stay lowkey and as stressfree as possible before if you can. good luck with the surgery, and yes you must have it above all else. first things first. divvi
Nikky, rely on your niece and anyone else you can find to help with whatever you need to do ... but don't delay the surgery because you need to take care of yourself or you will not be able to help Lynn.
Nikki, take care of yourself. As someone else said, I would hire a private person to oversee as many meals as possible. When I am gone, I will have people going in twice a week. Not much but it will make me feel better.
Nikki, like on the plane when they say but on your oxygen mask before you put one on your child, you need to put yourself first so that you can be there for Lynn. Have the surgery, do what you can to get help with Lynn's meals, and deal with the rest when you are able. WIll be praying. Call your church and see what help they can offer.
After not sleeping last night because of worry.... and doing something I rarely do in front of people... cry... I think we have a plan. Too bad it takes me breaking and tears to motivate some people... but now my sister is being very helpful!
Did an experimental feeding today with my niece and nephew feeding Lynn. I stood outside the room so he couldn't see me, just in case that was it. But he wouldn't eat for either of them. He did smile, laugh and joke with them though. I then came in and did a little "magic" with his food that I save for times when he is more stubborn about eating.... I mixed his food in with his ice cream. I know it sounds just nasty, and the first time I did it I had reservations. But, it works!
So I mixed the pureed beef in with the coffee ice cream, and the mashed pot in with vanilla ice cream. I showed them how I mix it and told them just to say ice cream when they put it to his mouth...and if looked and tasted like ice cream, he would continue to open his mouth. He didn't eat for my nephew. He is fascinated by my nephew and can't stop talking long enough to eat LOL. My niece is a born nurturer and seems to have a gift with Lynn. She knows when to joke with him when he says no... she tickles him and sticks her tongue out at him. She has a way about her that puts him at ease...... and she got him to eat almost all of his lunch!!!
So now we have a plan... she is in school of course so can't go for lunch. But after school her and my sister will go visit Lynn for a couple of hours and feed him dinner. I think between the two of them, with the ice cream "trick" they will be able to get enough calories in him to not cause a major decline. NOW I can have my surgery without immense worry over Lynn. WHEW!!!!
Nikki, it’s always good to have a plan & yours sounds like a winner. After you have your surgery you need to REST & have faith that the people you have lined up to help Lynn will come through. Don’t try to do too much before you are able to, you don’t want a setback! God’s blessings on you, your helpers & Lynn. Hugs to you!
good luck Nikki, I understand about lYNN DOING BETTER FOR YOU -My Paul is the same,when he was in the hospital he3 would hardly eat at all unless I was there,Sure puts the pressure on us,but like you I had to ask for help and he finally decided one of our daughters could feed him too. I will keep both you and Lynn in my thoughts and prayers. Love
Nikki, now that you can breathe a little use the extra energy to take care of yourself. You know as caregivers we don't get much time for ourselves and I know the surgery is not going to be a picnic, but you will at least have to take it slower. May not be the way you would like some free time but God has his plan and eventually we are may need to comply. Love, hugs and prayers are being said for all of you,,,,,,,
So glad to hear you have worked out a plan so Lynn will have the attention he needs; and you can be more relaxed as you have your much needed surgery....this will definitely help in your recovery, Nikki. Prayers for a successful surgery and recovery.
Absolutely take care of yourself at this time. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did in order to get help. If you're as healthy as you can be, it will be better for both of you in the long run. Good luck & hope you recover well.
Thank you all for the well wishes ♥ If you wouldn't mind keeping Lynn in your thoughts and prayers it would mean a lot to me as well. Even with a pretty good plan in place I was still thinking of canceling. Today was just horrible.... my shoulder came out just from trying to do laundry. I spent the day at the ER and if nothing else it gave me the push I needed to just have the surgery and get it behind me. I have so much to do to try to prepare for after the surgery, doubt half of it will get done. I sure do miss "My Lynn" ...he was always there for me, I could count on him for anything and everything!! *sigh*
Not happy to hear about your shoulder but sure am glad it made you decide to get the surgery done for sure. Nikki, the world will not end if everything is not done. Relax and just get ready for the surgery. You can be assured that we will all be praying for both you and Lynn. Nothing has changed in our prayers, they will continue to go up..... We care for both of you and are here for both of you. Rest and relax and give Lynn a big hug from us....... Hope your evening is better than your time in the ER.......... hugs,,,,,,hugs,,,,,, and more hugs..........
Nikki--sometimes we just have to take the plunge...you know from past experience that sometimes we must force our heads to rule over our hearts. Good luck.