I spend all day telling DH to please"just sit down on the toilet to pee",but unless I go EVERYtime and stand over him he still stands and pees in the floor,all over the toilet and it splashes EVERYWHERE. Now it is no like he can not see the toilet he says IT just won't go where he aims!!! Now how do you fix this??I try to go EVERYTIME but sometimes he just gets there first.I know this sounds like a small problem compared to lots of the others that we go through,but it is one of the most annoying,when all you get done is CLEAN and Mop. Thankfully the texas cath has been a lifesavers at night.We only have a BLOW_OUT once in a while.
bak, first of all we don't have any LITTLE problems! I didn't do this with my sons but I have heard that what some parents do with their sons is make a game out of the potty training by putting some object in the water that has like a target of some kind and has them aim for the target. I don't know if this will work out for an "adult" but sitting down to pee doesn't always solve the problem either. My DH sits down and he still gets it all over because he doesn't remember to tuck IT in.
Yeap Deb42657 even sitting down does NOT always work,but at least it is SOMETIMES better.As for "tucking"how do you EVER get them to remember to do that? I thought of putting something in there to aim at but he goes too often,so I would have to keep a BIG supply of somethig on hand. I do not know th answer but quess just keeping the mop and pail near by is the best I can do. Does your DH remember to sit down on his own or do you have to be the potty police too?That was what my nearly 6 year old grand daughter called me.She kept wowonderig why I had to go with PAPA everytime he went.
bak, this is the second thread that you and I seem to have the same problems...... are you sure when my dh wanders and paces he is not going to your house? Our dh's seem to be paralleling each other. If he is and you want to keep him a little longer that is ok with me............lol.....That remark about being the potty police is too cute...... That is what I feel like most of the time. I have to stop everything when he needs to go cause he has no clue most of the time where to go or what to do when he gets there. He tries to pull the wool over our eyes sometimes by tucking in when we tell him to and when we turn our head, moving his hand......... Yep he gets fussed at....... puts it back and then moves it when we turn around again. So now I just do some cleaning when we are in the bathroom and am able to keep an eye on him. Always something,,,,,,, never small..... always on my last nerve.........
Too bad they do not make a toilet seat that has a shield around the front so even if they fail to 'tuck' it will go in the toilet........... or just splash back on them.
We aren't to this stage so I don't know if it would work, but they do make such a thing: http://www.abledata.com/abledata.cfm?pageid=19327&ksectionid=19327&top=12631
Mammie-just send yourDH here for a few days,I can yell and fuss at 2 the same as one,and then I will send themBOTH bck to you!!!! But you know honestly it would be nice if any of us lived close enough together to help one another.I would not mind trading duties to give each other a break. But in the mean time gues it is just keep the mop handy and continue to try to get them to tuck and stay tucked!! Hugs to you pamsc--Glad you are not at this stage and I will check out that web site,Thanks
For a long time the answer was----coffee. The problem isn't the quantity, it's to do with distance, trajectory, and velocity. DH won't sit. I walk with crutches--can't have wet floors. Washer/dryer are in the basement. In-home helpers here for a couple hours 5 days out of 7. Solution: TOWELS. Over the years I've gotten us new towels. I then graduate the older ones to new duties. We have "floor towels". The toilet sports a collar around its base. That is changed often. The helpers even "skate" my floors on towels after mopping, so I don't get stranded waiting for floors to dry.
Noticed recently that one of the towels was new when I strted my Junior year in College. That was 1968. It's seen a lot of action. All the floor towels have eased the strain of this soggy rotten phase. Not worth my energy to yell and fuss over the uncorrectable. Not worth the upset to him when he hasn't the capacity to control it.
DH uses Depends but will tell me (most times) that he has to go so off to the bathroom (he can't find it on his own). I have to get his pants undone, pull down his depends, and try to convince him that there is a toilet behind him. He will say where? I don't see it! He will try to do up his zipper and button so his pants won't fall....by that time he is almost peeing and I just about have to push him to sit down. He will tuck though. I solve the cleaning problem by putting "chux" on the floor to absorb whatever doesn't make it. They don't seem to slip when standing on them but he is forever straightening them. My big problem is night. I don't know how one human can make so much urine in a 5 hour period!!! I put a Depends on him plus a moliform pad (super). He still soaks through to the sheets. Now I have added an extra waterproof pad on top the sheets. I'm afraid I will wake one morning to a flood!
bak, Maybe, when your DH says it "won't go where he aims it"...he is telling the honest truth. It could be part visual, but we have to remember that NOTHING goes "where they aim it". The food seldom hits the mouth even though he is aiming for his mouth...and he wants to eat. The glass he sets down does not always set "where he aims it". that is why sometimes it looks like he did not even see the table. Etc.....
Moral of the story...I don't think it is fixable. But very frustrating!
phil14;13-depends are ok if they only pee once- but he wants to go to the bathroom in the daytime-so same problem-won't sit down and when he does will not tuck even when I help! As for the night time there was no way to keep him dry-I would change3 him and the sheets 3-4 times a night-until we got the external cath-great enprovement,only have a blow out once in a while.most nights he is dry but the urine bag is sure full in the mornings.
bak, I used to work in nursing homes and loved it. I had patience, understanding, compassion, and love for the patients. Now that my life is having to go thru this day in and day out, I have not been able to be the same kind of sweet person I used to be. There are many reasons for this I know but you don't know how many times I wished some of us lived closer so we could switch patients. I think if we could be the caregiver of anothers loved one we would get a break from our own and be able to do a better job once we had our loved one back. So many times I have to step back and try to think of my dh as someone else unti I calm down. Seems crazy I know but it works....... I would love the opportunity to help another caregiver out. I really do enjoy helping others but this is a hard job. I do understand it is because we are so close to the person, we love them, and in reality we feel so cheated. Anyway, enough of this,,,,,
Charlotte, I have been thinking of some way to rig something up to the front of the toilet but have not come up with a really good idea.
Pamsc, I am going to check out the site you posted. Thanks for the info........
mammie, it’s funny, but I was thinking the exact same thing about wishing that some of us lived closer to each other so we could not only help each other, but I have a feeling that some of our LO’s would actually be able to socialize (to a certain extent) with each other. I also agree with everything else you said about caring for our LO’s.
mammie, I worked in a NH with ALZ patients years ago when I was going to nursing school. I just loved the patients and had lots of compassion and patience. Now I feel so burnt out from my job and then being a caregiver at home and we are just getting started on this journey. Some days I think I would just like take a vacation from knowing about anyone's bodily functions. My dream job would be with fully dressed clean people with no noxious smells and to be able to take a break during work or even have an undisturbed lunch. It's a big dream, but the best I can do is give thanks tomorrow on Labor Day that I have the day off and only have DH and grandkids to take care of.
I agree it would be wonderful to deal with only MY bodily functions! I get so tired of worrying abour when-where and how my DH will go. No all at once he is not going to pee as much as usual-he is still drinking plenty of fluid but just not going . I complain when he goes all the time and worry when he doesn't. As for an uninterrupted meal;for me that is long gone. Just try to make sure he eats at mealtime is hard enough.
Lori,RN, your post made me laugh. I understand tho where you are coming from. Your day will come and then you will be lost as a goose...... But we will go on and hang in there and keep doing the great job we are doing. Take care and hope you have a great evening.
1. Accompany him to the bathroom every time or 2. Clean up after each time
Apparently, you are expecting him to remember to sit down, make sure the equipment is contained properly, etc., and he has lost the ability to do those things. If he's not cooperative about sitting down, it might just be easier to resign yourself to frequent cleanups.
I do go each time he goes,but he is not always willing to sit down so he just stands and tries to aim for the pot but his aim is no good either. I keep towels all around but it just gets rather annoying- Sorry to keep bring it up so thats all I will say on the matter. I seem to be saying lots of wrong things all around.
My dh stands in front of the john and leans on the wall with one hand on either side of a picture mounted there. I couldn't figure out for the longest time where the paint had gone on that wall above the toilet until I watched him one time. He doesn't keep his fingernails clipped very short and I think his hands slide down the wall and scratches off the paint. So, I not only have a bit of a smelly bathroom (because of the splashing urine), he scratches the paint off the wall, as well. I've decided not to fix it or buy anything new for the house because he is like a child - destructive - and I'll just be replacing whatever it is again soon. Life as mama.
Bak, you are NOT saying the wrong things. Everyone here Is trying to help everyone else. We all come up with ideas that work for US but may not work for you. Like your husband, we don't always hit the target precisely. but posing questions, and getting responses, is why we are here. Many people come here who have spouses who make fun of or disagree with everything they say. Sometimes that carries over to this forum and someone who poses a question thinks they are being criticized here too. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Although my husband is gone, I check in here often. Today i found the solution to my constant spilling food on MYSELF: get an apron. Now why didn't I tink of that?!
bak have you checked out the portable commodes? maybe this would now be a better option, you can still put them in the bathroom but they are taller and look like a chair with arms. i know my DH developed fear about alot of things so we cant sometimes know that its fear that impedes them following directions. the potty chairs also have a plastic container below that slides out for easy use and some have a plastic cup in place that holds the 'apparatus' down in place within the bowl. i had 2 of these chairs with padded arms and they worked beautifully. one in the shower i still use and one in the bathroom where its easily accessible. even the dark area of a small bathrooom can sometimes lead them to have fears and or sitting down may cause him to become anxious with no side rails. just a thought. divvi
I have a potty chair that sits over the commode. Of course you remove the plastic container and the commode seat. This gives him the chair arms to help him sit down and get up. The toilet area is small and it was the only option I had but it has worked well.