If you had read my last posting, you will know I was at my wit's end. I didn't know for sure what was causing this new horrible behavior and since he had refused to go for any diagnosis, I felt I had no where else to go but far, far away.......emotionally and physically. Well, yesterday he came over because my hot water heater was not working. During his visit, which I tried to make pleasant, he once again asked me to give him another chance. Oye, Oye, Oye. I lost count on how many chances he's had during the last 4 years. But I did remember all the wise advice I have received on this site and told him I would happilygive him another chance, IF he would agree to go see his cardiologist and have his carotid arteries checked out. It's a start. I do believe if he really does have a medical problem, it may be vascular dementia. ....keeping in mind he has a heart stent due to blockage, his 2 older brother had bypasses, and his dad's similar change of personality at the same age as my DH. Well, he hesitantly agreed, believing there is nothing wrong with him; and I am to make us an appointment Monday. Please pray that I get a quick appointment before DH has a visit from HYDE and then changes his mind. Right now, he is my loving, wonderful husband.....the man I have loved for 45 years. How long it will last is the BIG unlown. But I will do my best to keep him calm and in the reasonable state he is currently in. Thank you all for being there for me ..... means much more to me than you can imagine. Will keep everyone updated. A great big hug and kiss to all of you!!!!!! Gina
Gina: Hope this works out for you. My dh also has a heart condition with placement of 2 stents. His heart dr. has always said that he probably has some vascular dementia due to his heart condition. However, he also has recognized the dx from his neuro of Alz. Maybe...just maybe...it might be wise for you to call the doctor's office and explain to them that you think your dh may have the beginning of alz. as well as vascular dementia and would like the cooperation of the heart dr. to recommend a neuro. Then your husband can be examined by a neuro because of the medications they can prescribe to slow down the process. Good Luck
Gina - my husband has had carotid artery surgery - removed a large glob of placque - he also has three stints in arteries to his heart. The last stroke the doctors did an MRI of his head and he has blockage on the right side near the temple. There was attempt to put a stint there but it was not successful. His "problems" began before the carotid artery surgery and have increased to now. So maybe your "problems" may also be from blockage. My hb personality is not combative, just totally different. My best wishes that you will get your hb to see a doctor soon.
Good; hope the doctor's visit goes well. I agree w/JudithKB, call the doctor's office and explain ALL your concerns or write a note about them to put in his file and drop it off before the visit if that's possible.
Gina - this is the best news. Yes, it could be vascular dementia, which I think my 90 y.o. sister has. Regardless of the dx, it's hard for the rest of us to live with. As already mentioned, talk things over with the doc first, be sure you are on the same page. We hope the best for you and DH.
When you call the doctor, ask if you can email some concerns before the appointment. I would say it is URGENT to get a quick appointment and also mark the email URGENT in the subject line. Ask for a recommendation of a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist; however, the doctor could frame it as a different kind of specialist for the heart if that's what is more acceptable to your husband. I have used email with all my huband's doctors since dx (neuro, internist, urologist) and that way I was able to say things that I couldn't if he was present.
Well, today is Day 4 of our "reconciliation," and I am starting to see signs of Hyde trying to make a full blown appearance again. Thus far, I have been successfully diffusing each situation, but I really need to admit that it is not easy. He has been acting more like a horny and rebellious teenager than a 66 year old husband. I can't suggest anything to him without him acting like I am his bossy mother and his acting like a rebel, with the accompanying evil eyes and black facial expressions that he has become so good at..... no matter how valid my suggestion is. And if he wasn't acting so amorous, there would be very little interaction at all. Fortunately, I have able to diffuse that too, telling him how I am still hurt by his behavior during our last reconcilation, and that I need time in that area. In retrospect, I guess I have been seeing this behavior for about 9 months, but only just realized it must be his regression. I do believe this will not work for much longer before Hyde makes a successful comeback. I just seem to feel that it's now always about him, first, last and always. This new attitude was never an issue in our 42 year marriage and that's why I find it so offensive and demeaning. But I promise to do my best at least till his doctor's appointment. Wish me luck and success, as I take my next xanax. Again, dear friends, thanx so much for all your kind and consistent advise. Promise to keep you all updated on my progress. Hugs to all of you, Gina
Gina:"fake it til you make it" for his doctors appt. Praying that you can tolerate this Jekle/Hyde personality. Not an easy road, when dh was like this I didn't even realize what was wrong with him. Just thought it was all my fault.
Zibby, I agree. It's amazing how they can often find the time when you tell them you tell them how desperate the situation is. Best of luck, Gina. Not an easy situation.