Hope someone can help me. My DH was scheduled for oral surgery this afternoon to remove a broken tooth. The tooth is dead and an impression for a partial was done about 3 weeks ago. Before the extraction, the oral surgeon noticed that another tooth was abscessed. He conferred with our general dentist and they agreed that the abscessed tooth needs to be removed as well. My husband adamantly refused to allow the oral surgeon to do anything. He keeps insisting that he doesn't want anything removed, just fixed. He just doesn't get that it can't be fixed.
My only other recourse is to consider general anesthesia which I really don't want to do, since I've heard that it can cause the dementia to get worse. At this point, the oral surgeon prescribed an antibiotic, but that is just a stop gap measure.
If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my husband the proper care, I would really appreciate it. The infection could spread throughout his body and I really don't want that to happen. My husband's son is coming over this evening to see if he can coerce him into the treatment. We shall see.
Elaine---why not tell him you ARE fixing the problem--not a lie. Numb him up and pull them. Pulling is the process.The partial is the fix. After all, eventually he'll forget.
i agree i think i'd just let the dentist go about what needs to be done after hes numb and not explain anything except the dentist will go ahead and fix the problem. he may not know whats up. if he is more alert than most maybe they can give him gas to calm him down. i know it is done alot these days. oral surgeons have several options. if he refuses all options, yes a quick anethesia may be the only way. its my understanding they cant remove or work on tooth with infection til its cleared up.or maybe your dr could prescribe something to calm him down, say zanax or something prior to appt.
My dh has decided he is not going to our dentist any more. Says he does too much work and it costs too much. I have told our dentist that I just can't get him to go anymore. I will make an appointment with another office for cleaning and fixing of cavities. No more restorative work. DH has this thing about money and it is just getting worse.
Elaine very difficult position since pulling a tooth that is not periodontally involved requires enough stuff being done your husband would most likely know something is up not just a filling fix. My first question, is the tooth periodontally involved ? Is tooth abs at the root. Do you have dental insurance (not that its my business but it can change the couse of treatment)? Your correct the antibotics is a stop gap measure. Will your husband go to the dentist ? Ok you quess it, I work for a Dentist over twenty years now. Send what info you can I will talk to my guys and see if we can give you some choices.
Elaine sorry a couple of more questions, age of Husband, rest of teeth in good shape, so you live near a dental school ? Does your husband were a removal partial now? Has he ever had a root canal ? Any discomfort or swelling at present time?
Terry54 -- thanks for your input. Here's the deal -- the first tooth, in the front, crown came off -- tooth is dead, partial is waiting for my husband at the dentist's office. We only found out yesterday at the oral surgeon that there is a second tooth, left lower, which is abscessed, already has had a root canal on the tooth, there is a crown on it, no way of saving it at this point. Both teeth need to be extracted.
My husband is 61 -- he has always been very stubborn with any medical care, dating back to pre-AD, which quite honestly I now think is FTD. Actually, my husband was always much better with going for dental care than medical care. He definitely had root canal work before, and had three cavities taken care of in the spring. There is nothing worse than coordinating appointments with oral surgeon and general dentist, having the oral surgeon tell him the abscessed tooth needs to be extracted pending more complications, and my husband adamantly and vehemently refuse the extractions. No matter how much both the oral surgeon and I tried to explain to him that there is no way to fix the teeth, that's all he wants.
I do have medical POA, but I am seriously considering having my husband's son take over that route. I cannot take the disrespect and humiliation I endure everytime I try to get my husband the proper medical care.
I appreciate your interest and concern, but I'm not sure what the next move will be. The oral surgeon prescribed an antibiotic for the next week and we'll see what happens. My husband claims he has no pain, but I sometimes think he may not perceive pain as he once did.
Elaine, I am so sorry this is causing you so much problem. If this applies this scenario could work for treatment. If front broken tooth with root canal is not abscess at apex (top of tooth, under the gum) you could ask for it to be ground to gum line, filling placed sealing the tooth and have the partial placed. But the key is no abscess at apex of tooth. Oral Surgeon should be able to tell u. This way your husband gets a front tooth, it also perserves the bone in the front and is done on elderely patients as a course of treatment. And your right if your husband acts better with his son, by all means allow him to go with him. You will have to check with General Dentist and ask his opinion. I find sometimes Dentist are treating the mouth and not the patient of the mouth. Perfect treatment extraction yes but that is not the case here ........ one of my favorite quotes "Life is all about how you handle Plan B"
Thanks for your help Terry -- the front tooth is cracked up into the gum -- it has to come out -- more of it has cracked off since the initial problem 3 weeks ago. There originally was a crown on it and the nerve is dead. And yes, the bottom tooth is periodontally involved -- I'm calling my husband's neuro tomorrow and asking if we can give my husband general anesthesia to get this done and over with. I'm so depressed about the whole thing -- and both the general dentist and the oral surgeon know about the dementia.
I hate this! The worst part is trying to do what's medically necessary to keep my husband healthy and try to cope with his nastiness to me. He also refuses to clip his fingernails and toenails (sorry to be gross) always saying it's not necessary. This afternoon I noticed one of his fingernails was about to come off -- I clipped it off and tried to trim the other ones and he vehemently said no.
The love is gone -- and the knowledge that what I am trying to do for him he would never do for me.
I am so sorry, i am truly sorry. This is such a tough job and to have to fight every front is exhausting for you. You are trying with all your might and to battle the disease and now the Teeth and toes. You got it top to bottom (sorry couldn't resist) You may want to sit down with General Dentist and map out a Mouth game plan. I did for Rick, he has perio issues. Getting him more cleaning since he's not doing the best toothbrushing these days. I am so sorry hard to do with love .......it must be torture when the love is gone, might the love be taking a vacation at the moment. Can I ask how long have you been married?
Terry -- again thanks for your concern. Currently I have decided to do nothing but continue to give my husband the antibiotic prescribed by the oral surgeon. This will probably clear up the abscess for the time being. Then in a few weeks it will rear its ugly head and I guess I'll have to wait until DH tells me he's in pain.(if pain even registers with him -- I do wonder sometimes).
I really hate to forcibly use my medical POA unless absolutely necessary. You asked how long we are married -- 28 years and I am wife number two. I am going to start counseling in a few weeks to find better coping skills with this situation. I feel badly sometimes because my husband is not violent, just very stubborn and most definitely emotionally distant. If I didn't know that he definitely has brain atrophy, I would just say he's being a stubborn old coot.
I think that my DH exhibits this very stubborn behavior because he realizes that he can't remember new events and he's so afraid of losing what he has that he clings to the past information even if it isn't relevant to the current situation.
And yes the tomorrows keep coming, thankfully I think. Your right you've got some time. Two things to give u a heads up on. As infection begins in a body it can cause dementia to get worse. So if he gets unexplainablely (if thats a word) worse it could be the infection coming back. And secondly a raging infection doesn't take local anesthesia. The infection will block the local anesthesia from being effective and if extractions become immediate general will become your only option. Hopefully you received a refill on the Anitbotics ? This is one major pain in the butt for you will all the other things it takes for this stupid, stupid disease. And I think the counseling sounds like an excellent idea. How did you find someone? Do you attend a support group? None in my area, do wish there was one, but I remind myself if there was where would I find the time?
There is an agency in our county that deals exclusively with the needs of the elderly and most definitely with dementia. They actually do have an adult day program which I would love to get my husband to attend, even just for one day a week. They also offer counseling and support groups for spouses. I wanted to start getting counseling a year ago, but we were having issues with our health insurance (we're on COBRA until Jan. 2012) and I was also getting all the necessary paperwork together for SSDI and other disability insurance.
I have attended a support group sporadically which is sponsored by the Alz Assn, but all the participants are caring for parents, not spouses. I finally decided that I have to put myself first. My kids are tired of listening to me vent, but they also feel that I have lived my life and since I'm 60 I shouldn't be complaining and just be devoted to my husband. Well, wait until they're 60 and dealing with a tough situation -- just because we're older doesn't mean we don't want to continue living!
Oh well, enough of my ranting -- we'll see what next week brings with the teeth situation! Thanks for caring!
My dear women you rant all you want because you are SO right. First of all Cobra is a screw up for anyone that has it. On the dental end it NEVER goes through correctly always a fight. The Nation, the Alz Assoc itself isn't repaired for the Pre-senile dementia crowd. And I don't feel like being the learning curve for them. My area nothing that isn't during the day .......I work all day......they need to get a clue. I pay everything out of pocket and currently don't have insurance on hubby and won't until October when I can apply for the pre-existing condition insurance. So I walk on egg shell with hubby every time he tells me something wrong. I have no Rx either. So at 56 I made my friends promise when I am homeless they would splint allowing me to stay because my son is MIA. Wonderful future prospects, but for today. Hubby is happy watching a western and tomorrow he will forget our 24 wedding anniversary and I am ok with that because we are going for Crab Cakes on the eastern shore (where they are the best in the world) I read this sight and I am comforted by the fact everyone here "gets it" we don't want to "get it" but we do. And to your kids, 60 isn't old and you have a lot of life ahead and if they don't want to here you vent HELP in the way you need help (what ever that may be)
My, but we are way off topic, Joan, please forgive us...
PrisR, I remember laughing out loud the first time I read a newspaper article describing a woman my age (about 59 at the time) as elderly! I figured the writer must have been in his early twenties.
Weejun, what still makes me laugh is reading a book or story where they're talking about someone and the observation is that "although she is almost 40, she's still quite attractive."
Crazy bad weekend sorry for delay in answering your Question ElaineH..... Only one real Eastern Shore......Maryland :)I live in Delaware, what part of Maryland?
Southern Maryland, St. Mary's County. We used to go to Ocean City at least once a year, but haven't been there in over 2 years. I LOVE Ocean City & really miss going.