I am very sad that my husband has had alzheimers since his early 40's. We have only been married almost 7 years. I am lost and hurt as he did not tell me he was ill before we married. I am taking good care of him but I really get resentful and angry as each new "thing" comes along. He is now in presenting with sundowners. How long will I have him at home? How will I know when it is time for him to go to the soldiers home? He is only 56 and is trying so hard to stay at home.
Welcome to my website. So much for you to deal with at such an early age. There is a LOT of information and support here. You deal with it one step at a time. Coming here is a good start. We have it all for you, but as I said, one step at a time.
I started this website in 2007, because I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. It is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and in your case, I would recommend FIRST reading the section titled "Early Onset Dementia - A Practical Guide - Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease (eoad). EOAD is now called YOUNG onset, which certainly applies to your husband. There are 4 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD . There is a great section on informative videos. You can go to the top of THIS page, click on "search", and type in EOAD, making sure the "topic" circle is filled in. All of the EOAD discussions will come up - there are about a dozen of them.
Do not miss the "previous blog" section, also on the left side of the home page. It contains all of the blogs I have written since the beginning. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Our wonderful members will be along soon to welcome you.
How terrible it must be for you at such a young age. In fact, I am surprised he was able to be diagnosed at such a young age. I think you should avail yourself with all the medical papers he may have. Could it be possible that your husband's problem could be due to something else?
I am sure he never realized the enormity of his illness or he would have told you.
We are here for you 24/7 so feel free to talk to us anytime.
lost jan, welcome to this site. It is a blessing for AD spouses. Many here are EOAD spouses and they can help better than me. They will be along soon.
The advancement of AD is different with each person. There are web sites that help access the stage that your DH is in. It will not be absolute...but give you an idea. My DH is in end stage (that can last for years). I noticed he had a problem 11 years ago. He was diagnosed 9 years ago, going on 10 years ago.
It is sad that he did not tell you of his problem before marriage. How long has he been diagnosed?
Dear lost-I am so sorry you have to be here. At the risk of sounding harsh-I think you should get to an atty. Given that your husband is so young and did not advise you of his ilness you need to protect yourself financially. Are there any children involved?
Lost Jan- the only way to deal with all this is to deal with 1 second at a time, one thing at a time.......do not attempt to handle everything all at once. Take a deep breath, do only 1 thing, laugh, then go to the next thing. I welcome you with open arms, and this site is perhaps the best advice resource for anyone who is a caregiver.
Lost Jan I am so sorry you have to be here. But I can not find a better place to be. This site is a blessing. We are here day and night. Let us know how we can help.
lost jan - realize that many of us with long marriages still have the times when we get angry when new things come up - you are not alone.
Talk to his doctor about it. If you are referring to a veterans AD unit, there are usually a waiting list. I think a lot will depend on whether your husband is to the point where home care is not the best. the doctor will probably be the one that will have to refer him.
Welcome, lost jan; as others have written, you've come to a wonderful support site. Visit an elder care attorney even tho' you're not in "elder" category. They KNOW best how to get all legal issues set up. See if you can find a local support group, too, as they can be helpful and encouraging as you work through this dementia "life." Come often to this site for info, to share your journey, and to develop friendships w/folks you may never meet off-line, but who are here for one another. Oh, yes, and it's okay to vent, Vent, VENT here with no judgment or naysayers. Solid arms around.
welcome lost jan. i dont think its uncommon at all for someone who may know they are ill and will need someone to care for them to enter into marriage -. fortunately i 'think' ( not an expert) that there are laws in place to protect someone who is an innocent in this and it could very well be a cause of annullment of a marriage if it was factual information and they intentially didnt inform the other party prior to marriage. if indeed your short marriage already has you as a caregiver i would also suggest you visit with a qualified eldercare atty who specializes in how to help you setup your financials so you are well protected and will eventually qualify for veterans benefits for his future care. now is the time for you to look to best protect yourself. if you are not wanting to stay in the marriage you may try to find out from his doctors if he had been diagnosed prior to your marriage. then you may have recourse. so sorry, its a terrible way to begin a marriage. divvi