collectively as a very savvy group we seem to have come up with several meaningful and objective ways to counter attack what we know as dealing with dementia. heres the start of a very important list. of course is there any doubt why we are bonkers? everything we would usually do in this situation is reverse!
dont argue with them about anything- you cant win, (this just goes against everything we know .) use a quiet reasoning voice to soothe and deflect when they are angry or anxious- and this must occur while we are in the midst of their anxiety, crying or screaming when they repeat and repeat and repeat, answer calming AGAIN over and over if you can manage when they sundown go with the flow and stay calm even though your nerves are on their last legs all the while knowing the next dose of meds may be hours away if they shadow your every move, be kind- smile- and try to remember as you bump into them at every turn, they are confused and needy of your security remember their reasoning button is broken, ours is not so that makes us the responsible party for EVERYTHING learn to pick your 'battle's ' which means most of what irritates the heck out of you wont get resolved.:) remember this disease can last YEARS so take care of yourself, thats if you can manage an hours time for a checkup for what is ailing. most of us just suck it up and never go. get respite so you can recharge your batteries.- if you can pay for it for if you have some gentle soul who is willing to offer some help which isnt often
Good post there divvi ,remember when Don had 3 breakfasts a night many nights before he was placed because I was worn out. Another thing was if they get argumentative leave the room and come back with goodies like ice cream or cookies and its all soon forgotten .bluedaze the wine does help at times .You might have some truth in that Grannywhiskers .My nose has grown like Pinnochios with all the fiblets Ive told lol
When in the shadowing stage...I found it un-nerving. He would get between me and anything I was doing.
He trailed me EVERYWHERE! But in my house, that made a parade. I had three little old dogs that trailed me everywhere. So it was DH, Higgins, Sugar and Monkey! They stood outside the bathroom door and waited for me. I talked through the door...and took a few minutes longer, just to enjoy the space between us.
Grannywhiskers, that is so funny. I can just picture this and it gave me a much needed laugh today. My DH is doing a little of this and I'm sure it's going to get worse. Got to keep my sense of humor.
looks like I need some of your wise advice...when my DH asked me a question about an incident and I told him what happened he told me in an angry voice that I was a liar and he knows the truth...should I have told him he has memory loss or should I just not answer. What do you do?
when they have their minds set i dont think anything we say will convince them differently ro1028. unfortunately we try to deflect the anger issues by not antagonizing the situation. and that can mean just trying to change the subject and let it go. i dont think reminding them of any memory issues would help. sometimes its just best to say 'maybe you are right', and leave it at that. its better than getting into a ruckus over something you wont change the outcome. its one of those 'fiblets' we tell our spouses to keep the peace.
Since word loss is our current problem, when I just cant understand what she wants I simply repeat the last few (scattered) words that she said.
I use an upward inflection to imply a question or a downward intonation to imply a statement. She then agrees with me because I have agreed with her. I know she is happy and the 'conflict in her mind' is over when she says "Oh, OK thats fair."
ro1928--my favorite sentence is "You are absolutely right." I wish I had a dollar for each time I have said this the last 6 yrs. Doesn't matter what DH says, that's my response and I have never gotten an argument answering that way. Aren't we all happy to hear that said?
The other night my DD and I just couldn't understand DH. He couldn't give us a hint in any fashion, just tried to make a square in the air. Finally DD said, "show me" and he took her to the kitchen to show her he was talking about her travel mug being washed. The poor man couldn't come up with the words, glass, cup, drink, coffee. It can be so difficult when the word loss is great. Most of the time I can figure out what he means. Many times he speaks okay but certainly not like a college grad.
That is how I communicate with my husband when I can't figure out what he is trying to say. I will just say "show me" and then I can usually do what he wants. He speaks so little now but can still sing so we sing in the car whenever possible.
Isn't it amazing they can remember lyrics to songs? At Mass on Sunday there is an older couple who sit in front of me. The man has AD, has to be told what to do all the time but when the singing starts, he rises and knows all the words.