After a lot of prayer I finally hit upon the idea of simply doing up a list of pros and cons to help clarify the issure of placement at this time. I was quickly able to write down 14 reasons not to place now and only three reasons to place. On top of that I feel a sense of peace for the first time in weeks. We journey on.
Now I just have to try to help our children understand. RJ
I know that is a difficult decision to make and then you have to weigh the guilt issue into the equation. I think if I get to the point where I get upset at her for things taht are beyond her control. that is most things are then I might have to consider it.
RJ, glad you were able to find a way to attack this monumentous decision. Were you completely honest with yourself about the cons and the pros? My experience is when you don't want to do something and you make the pro/con list, it will always favor the cons because the reality is you don't want to do it. Perhaps have a loved one look at the list and see if they agree with the entries in each column and use as a discussion point.
If your list is refective of the situation, then I am glad you have found peace.
Thank you LFL - I guess the old story of justifying what we want is what you are talking about. There is likely some of that in there. I think in part it was facing what I could and could not live with. I am quite sure it will come to placement at some time in the future, just not now.
RJ, I am not being mean or uncaring, I just want you to be comfortable with your list. Honestly, my list will have many more cons than pros but if I were to be honest and objective, they most likely would be tied. And a tie is a win for doing what I want.
A List of pros and cons is a great idea...make a list for sure. Then use the best scientific solution to the decision. Flip a coin.......the odds are 50-50. Heads- follow your heart and make the right decision. Tails- follow your heart, and make the right decision. It's a win every time solution.
Well, my sense of peace lasted aboout 10 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A difficult evening with DH and loving, concerned, negative feedback from all three children were enough to convince me that for me following my heart is not the answer I must do what my head knows is the right solution for both DH and me.. My list was very biased towards what my heart wanted, and not toward reality. LFL you asked about that right off the bat and were right to mention it. Now I have to try and find some sense of peace in making the only decision that is really possible under the circumstances. Thanks for holding my hand, it helps to know others understand the emotional rollercoaster. RJ
AHA...sounds like you are getting ready to flip your coin RhondaJill1.....just check to make sure that both sides are not identical...you need a head and a tail
RJ, how well I remember the battle within me. In the end, I did place him...long after he should have been. I am now in the battle within me to bring him home again... it never ends, this fight we have with ourselves to try to do what is best for THEM, without destroying us. It is a very hard place you are in right now, we will help in any way we can. ((hugs))
RJ, I was almost sick yesterday. I had a call that there was a bed for Gord. I said no. I decided that all my life I have done what others told me to do or thought I should do. I want to be waiting for that call and be glad when they make it. As of this moment, I am comfortable with that decision. Of course, in 10 minutes I might not be. I am not telling family.
Nikki I am having the same battle within me that you speak of. Why oh why do we have to do this. I tell myself the reason I placed him was because my health had gotten to a place where I could not care for him without two people besides myself 24/7 and it would cost a fortune which I do not have. I picture him in the NH and cry each and every day, I want to control this and I can't. What do we do
Jane, we come here and find a bit of comfort knowing there is another person who understands our personal hell. ((big hugs of understanding)) If you want to talk, please know I am here for you ♥
its heartbreaking to hear the saddness in the posts. while our hearts say we want to care of them, our minds know the reality of the situation is that it probably would not be in their best interest or ours to try to make a drastic bid to bring them home again. Jane i am sorry you are having such anguish over placing DH. hugs to all of you. divvi
I did placement today and while it is sad, I feel a tremendous sense of relief that if I get sick, (even with something small like a cold or sinus infection) I can stay in bed and get well. I won't have to worry about caring for DH, nor giving him something contagious. This may be a small consolation, Jane and Nikki, but it means a lot to me.
Hi marilynMD, Go slowly, and understand there is absolutely NO answer to this. You have done the right thing/decision. It will Kind of get better...in a totally different way...Try not to look back. You will carry on. Love, Robyn
MarilyninMD,,, You have made a monumental decision. You were dealt a lousy hand and played the cards as best you could. I hope when the times come for me I can do as well as you.
Marilyn, I've been in the situation when I was sick and unable to care for my husband (that was when he was home), and it was one of the most important factors in placing him. He could get into an awful lot of trouble even when I was well and on top of things: it was impossible to do when I wasn't. I think you'll find that you've made the best decision for both of you, and I hope you will have well-earned peace with that. Much love.