I am having a problem getting her to understand how to put on her nightgown. She is motor skills challenged. Putting it on over her head seems to be too much for her. She does not take instructions well. Any idea of what I should get her?

I went through that about 6 months ago. Harder and harder to get my wife out of her clothes and into her nightgown and then the reverse in the morning.

I talked about that with our geriatric specialist and she smiled at me and gently asked me why I thought that was so important. She suggested I keep my wife in comfortable clothes and then let her sleep in them.

I talked about that with our day care professional and she agreed. It never occured to me. I was so used to my wife sleeping in her pj's that I assumed she must sleep in them.

My wife is so far past those considerations on the first night I did it there was complete acceptance. I told myself if she was uncomfortable I would keep trying - but the reaction was zero.

The next part was harder to accept for me and it was only after some longer talks about the fact that when I grew up it was perfectly normal to have a weekly bath. The fact that both of us took showers every morning was actually not as healthy for the body as it sounds I was told and more a convention and the move generally away from baths to showers.

My wife will still go into the shower and enjoys it. I'm very tall so I can look down over the top of the glass door and help but she doesn't need it soaping but now does need help shampooing her hair.

The bottom line was that there were three considerations:

Health. What is functional versus convention.
Comfort. How does she react to sleeping in her clothes (fine. all waistbands are stretch including jeans)
Sanity. I have a lot to do and without good reason, I need to let go of past conventions.

I agree with you Wolf....my dw always dressed in the latest fashions, and I can remember the day that I bought her some silk pajama bottoms, and a nice cotton top....she started wearing that 24 hrs a day....so I went out and bought 5 more identical pairs....and for the last 9 months, that has been her uniform. If we went out, I would dress her, but at times, she wanted to wear her pajamas....I swallowed her pride, and found out that it was much easier for both of us. Who cares about fashion at this point. The key is that she was comfortable, and it was easy to change her..and actually, until June, she was able to get up and sit on the toilet....made it very easy to just pull down the pants....when she became incontinent, it was also very easy to rip off the diaper, slip off the silky pants, and get them back on. Once she became bedridden, we kept the pants for a while, then about a month ago, we just stopped putting them on...Modesty be damned....I hate to think that my son had to see his mother naked while he changed her and took care of her, and he will probably be scarred for life....However, he did what was necessary and I know that it still bothers him to have to clean her up.
Recently, I was having problems getting her shirt over her head....at times, I simply could not get it off, especially when it was soaked with urine....
I took a pair of scissors, and just cut the thing away. I went to walmart, bought some nice vneck tshirts for $4.00, then cut the back of them in half so that they look like a hospital gown (do not cut the collar.). It has simplified changing her, especially now that she is so rigid and that I cannot bend her arms....

Maybe not Frank about your son being scarred. I had my mother with me for almost a year when she recuperated from a fractured hip. I changed her and helped her wash. I saw my mother naked many times during those months and I'm proud that modesty was immediately ditched when it came to helping mom get back on her feet.

She said I was a good son. What's that worth? A lot I can tell you. And all I had to do was get over it.

The way we dress them and how our dealing with those things can change our own lives is quite large I think. It was Carosi (Carol) who taught me to let go at night and sleep and leave her "in God's hands". I have to sleep and that's a fact or I can't keep going. It worked because I really do allow myself to sleep now.

That thinking applies to everything. My wife went off antidepressants with no reaction. She fought pills and after consultation where I was told flatly by my doctor and the specialist that no one knows what the combination was doing after three years - I took her off all of them. And she became more coherent and more aware.

We don't know. Try to understand something and give it shot. See how that works. Adjust.

That leaves me more time to resent those that don't have to go through this. Oh yes you do.

bluedaze*

No one seems to want to talk about it - but I believe it will prove out that those two experiences are generally different by nature. It's not that women are generally nicer human beings which they are, it's the body weight differences, what estrogen versus testosterone do in humans, what behaviour is expected and taught from the git go to us, and basic differences that function fairly uniformly in most lifeforms (not so much the black widow spider) between the male and female of a species.

Advice to caregivers should be developed much more than it is. And one of those aspects is that that advice needs to be differentiated. Your husband is likely to become aggressive, belligerent, abusive, and is bigger and stronger than you - all generally which is why I said 'likely'. Your wife having AD is not likely to move through that behaviour.

That needs to be understood better because it's material to the caregivers likely experience. But it isn't. Not only isn't it; but, you can't even get information out of the caregivers themselves.

The majority of us will be faced with different options and likely successes in changing our spouse into their pj's depending on what sex they are. That's just a fact. And like me changing my mother we need to ditch convention and learn what we can. Including how sex tends to form your experience with AD.

Dh sleeps in his clothes most nights. It used to bug me, but I've learned to pick my battles, and this is one I choose to let go. I checked the link Deb provided....good stuff.

Remember how you put t shirts on babies. Gather them up so you can pop them over her head, then put your hand in an arm and pull her hand thru, then the other. Make it playful if possible.

I believe marsh found loose dresses (loungers in waltz length) more Caregiver friendly when dealing with both dressing and incontinence. From my own experience, they're easy on/easy off and most are in prints, plaids, or stripes, which allows lots of color coordination with T-shirts, sweaters, or sweatshirts under for comfort or warmth. I prefer a shirt under because I can'/t stand the rubber at the top of my crutches against my underarms. Plus, they aren't costly.

The lounger dresses that carosi says are used by marsh can be found at Sears in the dept. where pajamas and bathrobes are sold.
They're called LOUNGEES and cost $20. Come out of the dryer ready to wear and are super comfy.

Other sources for lounger typedresses online, are WomanWithin and Anthony Richards. Wide ranhge of styles, lengths, colors, etc. I never pay more than $15 for one and sales or end of season prices are even better. Not out so much if my braces eat them.