I got caught by DH in a big fiblet and he is really mad at me. This is one of those things that I really wanted to do and I knew if I told/asked DH for his approval that it would really cause problems. He would tell me no and then get really mad if I did it anyway. You have heard me talk about our Son who helps and is my support person. He wanted to buy a used truck and doesn’t have good credit so I signed a loan for him. He had another truck that he thought was sold and the man was going to buy it the following week. So then the man didn’t buy it and I ended up making two of the payments for him. Son has since sold the truck and will be making the payments.
So, I lied by not telling DH that I signed the loan and then I lied again by not telling him that I made the payments. I still believe that it was the right thing for me to do. Son lives next to us and the mailman delivered his mail to our house. This is how DH found out about the loan with my name on it.
One of DH’s biggest issues is related to finances. We are doing pretty well and it is not hurting us by helping Son with this. So now DH wants to refinance the mortgage to pay off this truck. He also wants to sell our boat and extra truck because we can’t afford them. He thinks that I can’t afford to have them serviced. He forgot that I had them serviced not too long ago. He also thinks that I am not buying enough food like I used to. (I am still buying as much food.) We are both on diets and eating differently, so he thinks that I'm not able to buy food. (The diet was his idea because we had both put on weight.) So now I have a huge problem at home again.
If DH was himself, and Son had asked him to do this, DH would have done it. In the past, we have done the same thing for DH’s brother and others.
So, say a prayer or two for me over the weekend. I will probably need them.
Talk about mystery of mysteries, Bluedaze!!!! I find it amazing when I think of the stuff he throws up at me. I am shocked and barely remember the nitpicking incident. Gee, maybe I'm the one with the illness!!!!!
I really do feel sorry for DH. He feels so useless and he knows he is not in control of what I do with my paycheck. Again, if he was himself, I would not be handling things this way. I am open with him about most everything. For the longest time, he would get really mad if I gave Son ten or twenty for gas. Or to go to the movie. I finally told DH that I was tired of him trying to limit me on what I do with our discressionary money. DH has and gets almost everything he wants. It's not like he is deprived. I just wish that I could have involved DH in the loan decision.
In the good old days DW took care of all finances, I made the money and she stayed at home and spent it. I traveled a lot in my job and was home mainly on the weekends. It was not until I got the mail at the Post Office that I saw the past due notices in the mail. I then asked if she had paid them, she said yes. We were getting more past dues, till I looked on the computer. She had not paid a bill in 60 days. She then confessed she did not know how to use the computer anymore and that lead to the testing.
It is the details that will get you caught everytime.
They NEVER forget when we need them to.Sometimes it's like dealing with a little kid.I remember when our kids were little,you never knew if it would be better telling them not to mention something or you'd be better off just not mentioning it.
Although it was a very stressful weekend, I think that DH dealt with more of the full moon than he did with the fiblet. By Sunday afternoon, DH was beginning to act more gentle and he is still that way today. I think that he knows that I will handle the finances carefully and that the necessary bills are getting paid. The inner emotions are really hard to handle. I was so "tied up in knots" that I hard a hard time because of that. I read an article on the internet on Friday afternoon about saying I'm Sorry for something that you did. The article said to not say it until the other person has a chance to vent about their feelings. So, this is what I did. I listened for a day and a half to all the reasons that DH was mad at me and what a horable person I was. It really went on and on. Then on Sunday, DH became quite emotional and started crying. I took this as my chance to say I was sorry. I did not tell him I was sorry for what I did. I told him that I was sorry that what I did caused him so much heartache. I told him that I would do anything for him and that I wanted to protect him not cause him more problems. He accepted this apology and things were better after.
I'm kind of in the hot seat again. DH has his doctor appt this afternoon. I told him yesterday and again this morning that I will be working my lunch hour and getting off of work early for the appt. I called him mid-morning to visit (which I always do) and gave him some suggestions for his lunch. He was upset that I had made plans for not being home at lunch and had not told him. I really fought the urge to tell him that I told him twice. I just responded that that was my plan so I wouldn't have to take so much vacation time.
On the other hand, I am so glad that he is going to the appt. The doctor knows about my concerns and may notice it in DH this time. Keep your fingers crossed that the doctor will ask the right questions without involving my conversation with him.
Thanks! I just called the doctor's office to see which nurse is working with the patients today. His regular, long-time nurse will be with him. She is very good and it will help.