Friday i leave for a little over 2 weeks. The young woman from the home care agency who has been working here 10-4 for the past few weeks will be living in 24-7. I used a caregiver from this agency last March and it went fine. He was in his 60s, a CNA, and had much dementia experience which she doesn't.
DH can still dress, bathe and feed himself although she will cook. Stage 5 maybe some 4 still. He needs supervision but not so it's overly obvious. Is coherent pretty much with the usual confabulation and temper when frustrated but under significant control with Depakote.
Of course I am leaving her with pertinent contact info for DH and the house and local emergency contacts. I'm thinking now about some general HOUSE RULES for lack of better term.
She is early 20s, just divorced, has a toddler, and a boyfriend. I'm thinking back to the days when I hired babysitters and would like to come up with something comparable to House Rules (i.e., no smoking in the house, no loud noise after 10pm, etc.). I told her she could have her daughter here as much as she wanted as long as it didn't interfere and she took responsibility for soundproofing. I think that could work well in exposing DH to a young child (he likes kids). We will try it out this week. I would like to create a family atmosphere as much as possible for DH. She feels like a caring granddaughter to him.
Suggestions? I was always the fun funky parent and am afraid of being perceived as the fun funky caregiver wife without firm boundaries. We live in a tourist town often referred to as the place where "misfits go to fit" or the "largest open air asylum" so hard rules seem even more important.
Her mother is the intake nurse practitioner for the agency, lives close by, so will be on hand for emergencies too.
Terry, The only thing I would add is limiting the boyfriends visits. I don't have children but it seems like todays young people think nothing of having sex before marriage. Would she have him stay overnight if she will be there 24/7 and how would it affect your DH?
did you book her thru the agency for the 2 wks.? i am curious as to if they as the agency would allow her to bring the toddler into the caregiving due to extra liablitily in someone elses home. and or boyfriend. usually they are pretty strict about this due to risk factors. remember toddles need alot of supervision. i can see where you would want his best interest at heart and hopefully all will go as planned. another thing would be how much or if they are allowed to up the depakote or any meds while you are gone if needed. i know many of us have agency too that dont allow them to handle meds. so it could mean you would have to be 'on call' during this respite, for any questions, sometimes this could put a damper on the vacation time. i would also decide upfront to not allow the boyfriend to spend too much time and esp sleeping over. divvi
I would strongly suggest covering yourself by writing down the rules, giving a copy to the agency AND the careworker, so everyone is on the same page. Make sure both the care agency and the worker sign them. Documentation and signatures are a legal must in situations like this. And I would make very sure the agency is aware ( document it in writing) that this woman is bringing a toddler with her.
Good answers! To answer a few of your questions: I talked to the agency and told them I had offered for her to bring her daughter. In the few weeks she has been here she has not brought her once. The helper just spoke brought this up with me. She is not going to have her daughter here full time. She said her mother (the nurse practitioner who is also employed by the agency as their intake nurse) offered to keep her for much of the time because she thought it would be too much for her (the helper) to handle.
Got the medications covered. Good point though Divvi.
No Respite: Good point on being interrupted on my vacation time. But this isn't a vacation for me. I am going to the bay area to stay at DH's son condo while he is away and then my cousins after that. My purpose is to revisit the ALF I visited when out there in June and to explore all possibilities for our future including other ALFs, the residence care places, day care, Senior Communities. (I'm totally open to all possibilities now that I have decided not to move back to VA.) I can't keep us here indefinitely I don't think as the quality of ALF/NH is not acceptable to me especially considering our LTC policy has lifetime benefits to pay for it. Also, it hasn't been easy getting in home help here either.
Write down all rules and for what it is worth, I would prohibit boyfriend...she is working for you and is to be eyes and ears for your DH. The little one??? Personallyni would not be keen on that either as a regular thing...noen and th. Ok but NO boyfriend..
No boyfriend, wine, beer, drugs, smoking, no parties, loud music, computer gaming, girlfriends, no overnight visitors, no feet on furniture, no pets, no drooling, biting, kicking, scratching, punching, etc...but especially NO RAP MUSIC.
You are welcome to borrow my 12 volume set of books "Things that I do not want my caregiver to do"
Briegull is absolutely right....lock up valuables...hide the embarrasing things....they will most likely snoop...and explore..so hide all your valuables, and private items...and do not forget computer access.......I recommend locking it or putting password protection.... You never know who will access your computer, and log into your accounts....
No one has said it, but hide/put in safety deposit box any valuables. If she's there all week, and looking for things she needs legitimately, she may open drawers and be tempted. It just makes you more comfortable when gone and with her in the future.
Terry--you are probably already doing it, but it's not only valuables that need to be locked up. Don't forget identity theft--all bills, financial info., etc.