I see all your love and I'm overwhelmed in the responses . I have only been on this site for a few months, never expecting my dh to pass in such a short time. I was not going to come back, but I saw all of you with your good wishes and I just had to say thank you. In the last two days alot has happened to make me cope better than I thought I would. When I went to see him to sign the papers so the mortuary could take his body, I was so afraid to look at him. My daughter was with me and we walked in together. I could not be a chicken if she wasn't. I took a deep breath and opened the curtains to his bed. I saw a man that looked so peaceful . He looked like he was sleeping and no stress on his face. I didn't ask the Jerky doctor from the home any question, because he probably would not have called me back, so I asked my family doctor this question. If a person had a hard time passing, would it show on his face. The doctor said yes. My dh did not look like he had a hard time at all. very very peaceful looking. Another thing that happened , was when I saw him in one of my visits two weeks ago, I waited for him to stand up, because he would stand up and sit down all day in his chair. So I waited for him to stand up and I gave him a hug. I felt his arm go around my waist. I stood back in surprise because he was entering stage 7 and I looked at him, and he had tears running down both cheeks and his nose was red. For that short time he came back to me and heard me tell him that I loved him. I really feel his tears were tears for me, because I was crying and so hurt. He was always my protector. Two weeks later he was gone. He did that for my benefit I'm sure. He probably said, " enough is enough no more pain for me or my wife. That final." That was the way he was. always concerned about me, and I was always concerned about him. Thank you all again for listening to me and showing me your love. I will never ever forget this place.
Paula, I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m glad that you saw the peaceful look on his face. Hopefully that & the good memories of him being your protector will get you through the difficult times that you face. Like JudithKB said, please come back & chat with us when you have time. ((HUGS)) to you.
Paula, you were given a gift. Something you can remember when grief and tears happen. I'm sure he wants you to get on with your life and be happy. It wont happen over night but take your time and believe... God Bless You and your family.
Paula, I am so glad you came back to share with everyone. Like I told you on the phone, I too believe he was saying goodbye to you... cheek to cheek and to feel his embrace, such a gift ♥ I read your poem War in Your Head.... and my heart just ached for you. He went through the stages so quickly that you didn't have the time you needed to adjust and cope, or the time needed for the battles to lessen in your memories. Please don't punish yourself now, and don't let there be a war in YOUR head. Your poor husband had no control over what was happening to him, but Paula, you do. Try to let those bad memories fade, know they were the disease, despise the disease, but let the love you had stop the war from starting for you. We would all like to help you through this Paula ♥ much love and lots of hugs ♥
Hi Paula, although we have never chatted here, I heard of you dear husbands death on Facebook. Please accept my deepest condolences. After reading your post here this morning I had to share a story with you. My husband passed only 18 mos after his diagnosis. We were at the Hospice House where the Dr told us that Jim only had 1-2 weeks left. Later that morning we sat outside on what should have been a blustery March morning. The wind had died down, the sun was shining and little critters and birds were everywhere. We sat and he began to talk, for 90 precious minutes, Jim was able to express to me how much he loved me, how much he appreciated my care and how sorry he was that we would not have the future we planned. I will never forget that miracle that God gave to me. God gave you a miracle too, in that embrace, in those tears. Treasure that memory it will carry you through the tough days ahead. When you are ready, join us on the Widow/Widowers Thread. We understand what you are and will be going through. You have earned your Purple Heart for wounds sustained in battle against the demon that is Dementia. You have earned your Star next to your name. Wear them proudly, you were a wonderful wife and an outstanding caregiver. God Bless, Arms around, Susan*
Thank you Susan. Thank you for letting me know what you went through. I could not believe he was able to show me his tears and put his arm around me. If my daughter didn't see this, I would have thought that I made it up. You are right, that is what is keeping me going. I also saw peace in his face after it was over. It's funny, I just can't seem to say that word that means final and starts with a BIG D. I know we never spoke to each other before, but than god you reached out to me this time. I really appreciate what you said.
Thank you all for everything. I think because of how people have shown me the love, that now I will be back. How can a person leave their family whether it is in person or here.
Paula, what a precious gift you were given. It will be the memory that you carry with you through the coming days of struggle. The peace you saw in his face gives you the knowledge that his struggle is over and he can rest. You must be a special lady to have been granted these last few moments. (((hugs)))
Paula, thanks for coming back again....when you're ready to return, please stop by and give us the benefit of your experience and wise counsel. We all need a helping hand on this journey and it helps us to know that those who have gone before us are doing okay.
Dear Paula, I was out of town without access to the spouse site when you posted about your husband's death. I'm very sorry to read about your loss and the added trauma of insensitive staff. At least you know that you were there for him, and I firmly believe that our loved ones know that. I've found that slowly the grief will lessen, and the feeling that will be left is knowing that he loves you because you cared for him and that he is very proud of you.