Lost in the 50’s. . Seems like that is where so many of us are. Born in the 50’s and now in out 50’s. I heard the song today by Ronnie Milsap and it seemed to be an appropriate prelude to my first real posting. Have read so many of your posts in past week. We are all experiencing the frustration, set backs, loneliness, loss, resentment, lack of understanding, etc. The story lines and characters may change, but it seems the plot and themes are so predictable and similar. We are 10 years into this. . That’s when the first memory lapses began. .Then the loss of cognitive skills. . Had to quit work over 4 years ago. .in the prime of a career. Short term leave of absences, shortened work weeks. .calls of concern from colleagues. All a familiar ring to so many of us.?? Driving privileges came to a screeching halt over 2 years ago. .My DW has had good care and conscientious medical evals in the past, but all were reluctant to identify AD or any other type of dementia. It was always a mood disorder, depression, borderline personality. .Let’s try this anti-depressant. .then a different one. .We are actually past the stage where any medication would have an impact or be beneficial. It took a PET scan and identification of protein markers in spinal fluid for Mayo to make unmistakable ID. The song continues. “In the Still of the Night”. . Do you have those? The times when all is quiet. .you wonder if this is all a bad dream? Wanting so desperately to get back to sleep in order not to have to deal with the realities at 2:30 in the morning. I know it is understood only fully by those of us who are living it. .It has been quite a year. I visited a memory care facility last week and it was quite a compelling, eye opening, sober experience. I looked around and wanted to scream. She is just 55!! This can’t be happening. .Have excellent in home care companions and hope we can stay that way for a while yet. .I continue to work and am thankful for that although the guilt pangs set in almost daily. Selfishly, I miss the conversations, planning, touch, spontaneous laughter, dreaming. . I am directing this at all of us in our fifties. . The disease does not recognize ages and has no regard for when it decides to visit. My mom is actually in initial stages and she is almost 80, so I can certainly identify in that realm as well. If you are in the midst of this hideous disease as a care-giving spouse and you are in your fifties post a song, post a memory of our era, post something that will allow us to keep hanging on. .As the song says, ”Call on the Memories, Here in the Dark”. . My best to all of you
I listen to the music of the 50s and early 60s all the time. But then we have always liked listening to the 'oldies' over modern country or rock. Even like the old hymns and Praise & Worship songs over the news ones.
Since we met and married in 11 days our song (more like mine) was by the Carpenters 'For all we know'
Oh, Sundown, I am so sorry, but you are able to express yourself and your love for your DW so beautifully, I'm glad you came here to tell us. I am much older but recognize all your feelings, feelings I am sad to say we all share. Oh, our song was an oldie to you but meaningful to us. We'd dance and he'd whisper the words to 'Slow Boat to China,' in my ear. He's long gone, I have a good life again, but one never forgets. Stay with us, no one understands better.
Sundown, I'm glad your posting - welcome. How horrible for you and your wife to have to be experiencing this at all, but to be only 45 at onset....there are no words. I am 52 and DH, diagnosed with MCI one year ago, is 60. I know our family physician still doesn't want to believe he could have dementia - he's too young he says. How can medical professionals be so ignorant? DH refuses to go for his one year follow-up, but I have mostly come to peace with that. Everyone deals with this on their own terms, and he has chosen total denial. Having memory problems helps facilitate that actually.
I made a video for him this Valentine's Day (to capture some memories) and chose the Beatle's song, "In My Life.":
There are places I'll remember All my life, though some have changed Some forever, not for better Some have gone and some remain All these places had their moments With lovers and friends, I still can recall Some are dead and some are living In my life, I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers There is no one compares with you And these memories lose their meaning When I think of love as something new Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life, I'll love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life, I'll love you more
The Dance: Looking back on the memory of The dance we shared beneath the stars above For a moment all the world was right How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Holding you I held everything For a moment wasn't I the king But if I'd only known how the king would fall Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Yes my life is better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance
Will all my love to my Sparky or has he would say That's Mr. Sparky :)
All of you are remembering the sentimental songs and this old lady smiles when she hears "Kansas City".....and we loved "The Wayward Wind". Welcome Sundown.....
I'll always remember the dance they were playing, The first time we danced and I knew. As we swayed to the music and held to each other, I fell in love with you.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner, every night? When we're together it feels so right, Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
I'll always remember that magic moment, When I held you close to me. As we moved together, I knew, forever, You're all I'll ever need.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner, every night? When we're together it feels so right, Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Welcome. My wife is 59 and retired from an executive position 5 years ago to enjoy freedom 55 and now poops in her undies and eats kleenex. One day your wondering whether there's anybody in Carmel who doesn't drive a mercedes thinking maybe you'll write a book later on if there's time, and the next you're on your knees trying to get her to open her mouth for one more spoonful before her lecture in front of the mirror with all her friends who aren't actually there because they ran away screaming months ago and don't actually want to watch.
There aren't any magic bullets I know of and I've long ago understood that my entire life is under siege through no fault of anyone because my wife never hurt a fly and frankly neither did I; but, it doesn't work that way or any other way because stuff just happens and sometimes it happens to you.
I can hear you've come a long way down this journey which makes 40 days in the desert look relatively easy and for me after all this time I've been down so far I realized there's actually a bullet in the house and a rifle it fits in (my father's) - and out there so far I was horrified when I could suddenly heard myself and suddenly saw how bizarrely I was behaving with my empassioned wailing in a voice I didn't recognize to people that weren't there either. You want reality TV?
The other side of this is that it HAS happened and it WILL test my mettle. AD isn't trying to break us or teach us anything; but, it will grind our lives into hamburger nevertheless. My life is no different now from every animal over the milleniums that has stood over it's wounded mate in the forest protecting what is left with the difference that I have been empowered with the competitive advantage of a huge brain so that I can understand that what I'm doing is completely useless.
So I have huge amounts of time on my hand and a full tank of gas with nowhere to go because I'm not leaving her and I don't care that it doesn't matter. I've come to understand that when everything you were and cared about is taken away you are left with questions that demand answers. And that if you don't take that seriously you are in any regard in the same situation you were before which is that someone decided to push you out of their vagina and so it starts which is that life does things to you and you do things to it and that was always the script, is always the script, and always will be.
My life matters. To me. What we were and the things we did and thought matter to me. And now that almost all other things we wrapped ourselves in over the decades are either meaningless, full of pain, or targets of my derision - that has all been stress tested and it stands.
We hitchiked across north america. We floored it on the autobahn. We did things I can't mention in public. We made a life together that is full of stories and memories and whether I am happy or sad, those ARE the things of my life that make the life that I now miss. Those memories are the values of the things that made me what I am now which is unrelated to my wife having this disease. The truth is that standing by our spouse during this is the test of character that everybody yaps about and like all truths this reality is hard full of all kinds of gritty tests.
But the bottom lines like so many in life are dead easy. Either we regret choices or we don't. Either we're destroyed by events or we're not. Either we accept what is happening or we don't. If we are here on Joan's board, then we are looking for answers. If we're not, you're not reading this.
All great songs and titles. . Wolf, I am amazed at your ability to so eloquently and painfully, put into words . .Terry54. . Garth had a great song there..I also read of the week you had with sister. .We moved to get closer to family and think it has backfired in many ways. too late now...for the time being anyway. Mary22033, your song choice is so amazing. . Thanks to others for weighing in. .Music continues to be such positive therapy. .both for the caregiver and LO.
I am in my 40's and my music tastes seem to be stuck in the 80's lol....but I am in the same boat and still paddling hard after all these years.
As for music, I couldn't pick just one... so many are special to me because Lynn would sing me love songs; he had such a beautiful voice! He sang "When You Say Nothing At All" at our wedding, he sang In This Life" at our vow renewal.... and he sang "Kiss an Angel Good Morning" to me every morning..... One of his pet names for me was Angel Eyes, and he would sing that song to me as well..... The last song he sang to me was "Amazed"....there are many others, but those are in my mind tonight.
And then there are some sad songs I sing that mean something to me now like "Everything I own"... "The Dance".."Shes Gonna Fly" and "Broken"... that can make the tears start flowing.....
For an upbeat song, I have posted it here before but I will have to stick with "Love Remains" ... despite all we have lost, the Love does remain ♥
I don't know, baby what I'd do On this Earth, without you We all live, and we all die But the end is not good-bye The sun comes up, and seasons change And through it all, Love remains An eternal burning flame, Hope lives on, And Love Remains
When I need to put myself in fierce advocator mood I crank up "We will Get By" and "I wont back down" :D
We must be much older than most on this message board because the song he always liked is a real oldie "honey comb" I bet no one ever heard of that one. He is/was not too sentimental and neither of us can sing worth listening to. Maybe in church (very quietly). I've never had anything hurt so badly as when I realize he will never be the same. We've been married since age 18 --so all our lives. He is so much a part of me that I'm like a leaf floating in a big ocean without him. He was my rock and when things went wrong together we could work it out. Now with all the decisions I'm lost most of the time.
flo - love that song 'honeycomb'. Actually most of the songs I love are due to the music more than the words. That is a reason I stick to the 60s and earlier - I can hear the words through the music. In the 70s it just seemed to get worse - music louder than words. I have that problems in churches too - their bands are too loud. Live concerts are the same - between the loud music and screaming you can't hear the singing
Thanks - that's the one. How "corny" that sounds now. But it meant a lot to us then. Our teen sons would just groan when he'd play it on our 78 rpm record player. See I told you we are old.
Flo39 that doesn't sound corny to me and not old either! Nikki..the first song my DH sang to me was "The More I See You" by Dick Haymes in 1944 he loved to sing that to me and of course I loved having him do that... I played the CD for him last week but he doesn't remember ever hearing it before..sob sob...I guess I just have to wrap my arms around the memory
Going with Mary 22033 Beatle's songs: Maybe I'm amazed Maybe I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man Who's in the middle of something That he doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman Who could ever help me Baby won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song Right me when I'm wrong Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you
Sundown, well I just burst into tears reading the lyrics to Maybe I'm Amazed and having the song just wash over me. amazing too how music effects us. I cant believe all the new names I am seeing here on the boards after being away for awhile and generally inconsistent since joining very early after Joan started this site in 2007 the year DH was diagnosed. one of the reasons I moved us out here half way across country from a D.C. suburb in Virginia was to be within a couple hours of family. I share your feelings on that as it has been a disappointment to put it mildly.
Hotel California is DH's favorite song and will always remind me of him and our early relationship in the late 70s in San Francisco. Music is another reason I moved us out here to Eureka Springs, AR, a little Victorian era tourist town in the Ozarks where he could walk to live music almost daily and experience the local artists' work, gorgeous scenery starting right out our doorsteps. Although his decline has been significant over the past year and it may be time to move away, I will always believe that the magic of live music contributed to his decline being so slow.
terry. . I agree with music being a contributor to easing much of the discontent. . Hotel California. .Vintage Eagles. .Classic songs. "I can't tell you why". . Don Henley. .The End of the Innocence, The Last Worthless Evening. .Could go on and on. Would like to share/swap stories of letdowns we experience with family members. .Enough to make me put my head in the oven sometimes. .
Scott Young was a well liked newspaper writer in Toronto who had a certain amount of influence and a rather rebellious son who's lifestyle he utterly disapproved of. We were in the audience and this is my wife's favourite song and favourite time he played it.
This song is about his father at a time they didn't speak. He'd already done Something's Happening Here with Steve Stills and was playing with Crosby, Stills, and Nash. They never credited him but that's him on the back of the album looking through the screen door.
Now he's long eclipsed his father about whom he wrote this. Neil Young and Old Man.
As I write this the crescent moon is looking at me through the trees just outside my upper storey window. With the 10x50's I can see the mountains on the terminator. And while I'm listening to him strumming that guitar and looking at the moon I ask myself, is it a folly to hang on to and value the moments of my past? In response the moon winks back, ducks the cow and the spoon, and answers "Why are you asking me? I'm a rock."
But each thought and sentence starts in the future and ends in the past so when you get right down to it there really isn't much value or anything else in the now. It's whizzing by without much chance to do anything 'in the moment' unless we're falling off a cliff or perhaps just at that moment achieving origami.
All things that make sense, make sense over time and all thoughts are about the past and future with the actuality of (wait for it) NOW having almost zero meaning. The moment you read the word now already being in the past and you having no idea what I'm going to say next.
The moments of the past and the moments of the future have equal value. Honeycomb doesn't look amateurish. It was leading technology at the time. The young, busy on their cellphones, might disagree; but, only for a while. They are as naive about the future as we were then and have as little regard for the past perhaps as we did then of our grandparents ideas when we were young.
You remember. When you were young. And you first looked up at the moon. And you wondered. Did the cow really jump over?
All moments are valid in reality. It's humanity that gives them meaning.
And my largely spaced out wife who was so full of life and such a charming creature to this day will still dance semi coherently when I play David Bowie live doing We Could Be Heroes. Talk to me about the past and what it means. Because when I bring it into my life again, I bring it into now. Oops, there it went.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYjBQKIOb-w
And if I can fit it in - if this music isn't your cup of tea, then here's a place where your world and my world might meet which is the opening of the film Manhattan by Woody Allen to the sound of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. One of my favourite movie openings to one of my favourite pieces of music. The film is the 70's and the music is sort of 30's - split the difference and I'm on topic about the 50's. Squinting helps.
And if you'll indulge me. This is one of the finest videos ever made in my mind. It's Johnny Cash doing Hurt which is a heavy metal song until Johnny made it speak to everyone's pain in a beautiful way.
A few years ago MuchMusic did an all time best video as voted by the millions of young viewers. Guess which video was number one? Johnny Cash.
I'm not familiar with iPad's. I thought they had a browser and can cut and paste.
The easiest way to paste these links is to go from the back. Put your cursor over behind the link and drag right to left. That way you have the whole address in the surest way. When that's blue right click over the blue and copy it to your clipboard. The most common reason for it not working is that the first letter was missed.
On computers you would go into the banner area at the top where thealzheimerspouse.com address is and left click the mouse to highlight it. Then hit the backspace key on the keyboard once to remove it. Now put your cursor over that space and right click and paste the link into there and finally hit the enter key on your keyboard.
I know that doesn't answer the iPad thing but there everything is touch and pull. If it does get email then you could paste the links in an email from your PC, send that to the iPad, and tap the now active links. Email is defaulted to activate any links (IP addresses) within the body of the message.
There is a browser and one can cut and paste on the ipad. However not all things work. Wolf, I think it is a proprietary thing with Apple, but some things will not open on the iPad. Get a msg re content will not open on mobile device, etc. I don't understand the complexities but on my iPad I was able to view your David Bowie link but not the Johnny Cash or Neil Young.
Just tried to email the link and it still won't open. Definitely something unique to the iPad. Doesn't happen often but it does sometimes.
Further research: Apple products do not support Flash Player which is a program many videos use. So now we know...
thanks Wolf, but Weejun is right it is an Ipad thing. i was also able get paste in the Bowie clip and play with no problem. I am aware Ipad doesn't support Flash but Youtube is not flash at least i'm not aware that it ever is.
Following from wikipedia. Its all Greek to me, but am guessing the youtube videos we can see on the ipad are done with the HTML5 technology.
Viewing YouTube videos on a personal computer requires the Adobe Flash Player plug-in to be installed on the browser. The Adobe Flash Player plug-in is one of the most common pieces of software installed on personal computers and accounts for almost 75% of online video material.
In January 2010, YouTube launched an experimental version of the site that uses the built-in multimedia capabilities of web browsers supporting the HTML5 standard. This allows videos to be viewed without requiring Adobe Flash Player or any other plug-in to be installed. The YouTube site has a page that allows supported browsers to opt in to the HTML5 trial. Only browsers that support HTML5 Video using the H.264 or WebM formats can play the videos, and not all videos on the site are available.