I'm here...had so many emergencies that I went to KMart and borrowed their "Blue Light" so I could strap it to my back..... It is now day 32 w/o food...and speech now sounds like she is under water...I think pneumonia is developing, and she cannot sip from a straw anymore...I have a dozens of syringes that I use to administer a bit of water...She now has some very serious bedsores, and I am powerless to prevent them nor cure them. She can only lie on her back and that complicates things.,..cannot roll her over without extreme pain, and her body is rigid..feels like wood....I estimate her weight to be about 75 lbs or less...She is lingering, and we are getting weaker by the minute. I expect perhaps a few more days of this, surely not another week..but I said that a month ago, then 3 weeks ago, then 2 , and finally last week... Besides the air conditioning problem at my mom's, my friend murray backed into his garage door today...Luckily, I bumped into him at walmart when I went to pick up some needed items....I went to his house, unbent the door, put the rollers back on the track, aligned the tracks, and readjusted the door opener. I am just grateful that he did not try to open it again...it sat cockeyed in the opening, and had it tried to open it, it would have fallen off its track, and landed either on him or his car.... No sooner did I get home that my mom calls me telling me she has chest pains...I order her to take the Nitroquick...and as soon as Kim arrives, I rush there to check blood pressure, pulse and O2 levels...For now, the pain has subsided...I know she is having heart problems, possibly some strokes, but at 89, we have chosen not to get surgery. We control it with medications, and that is the best we can do...I expect that she could also pass away sooner than I think... Anyway, I cannot begin to describe how the final stage 7 affects all of us...There is no worse feeling than to watch someone die slowly and not being able to do anything about it. I am upset about the bedsores, because we have been super vigilant, and thought we had the problem under control....They started small, and despite our propping with pillows, towels, foam, helium balloons , gels, downy (fabric softener??) Charmin,angel soft, cotton balls, and chocolate, they have gotten significantly worse, and we have been powerless to stop it. Her passing is still imminent, although her breathing has changed a bit and is a bit more shallow...It has been a horrendous 3 weeks, and I pray that the Lord will show a bit of mercy and open the pearly gates for her soon...
Phrangue, I swear, I don't know how you do it. It's hard to believe that Audrey can keep going. I saw a bed sore once on now deceased MIL. Not a pretty sight. She was in a nursing home at the time.
Phranque-all my complaints pale next to what you and your family are dealing with.I can only hope when we get that far I will be able to be as strong as you.Love and prayers to you all.
The difficulty comes when you mix caregiving with caretaking. The difference is astounding! When you give care, you give the person the ability to care for him or herself as much as possible. That means if they can go to the bathroom by themselves, you let them! If it means they can dress themselves, you let them! If they can feed themselves, you let them! If they can take care of themselves during the day, you let them! One of the things that wear down caregivers is when they become caretakers. A caretaker is really needed for a baby or for someone who can't take care of him or herself at all. If you are a caretaker of a person, it is important that you switch to being a caregiver; one who gives the person as much responsibility as he/she can manage. When your children left diapers you taught them to take responsibilities as they grew older. The same is true of a person suffering a chronic illness. The more responsibility they assume, the faster their attitude changes, and the faster they permit themselves to be in a state of well being. But with ALzheimer's, there is no responsibility that they can assume...you remain both the caregiver and caretaker.....a tough act to follow.,.and I feel like I am driving down a dark road, with a dead battery, fuel light on, and the nearest gas station is miles away and now where to be found, and the engine is beginning to sputter.......
I join with all the others in praying that she will be with the angels soon. Also prayiing for you and the family because it is harder on those who wait..
Phranque, this is just so hard to think about. I hope that this will end soon for all. You are doing more than anyone can expect. I hope that you get some rest as best as you can.
Phranque, following your journey through this time is so heartbreaking. Knowing all of us are heading that way is also so sad. Hoping her spirit will be set free soon.
I have not checked in for a long time, to difficult, Phranque, I am so amazed with you and your children,you are giving the most wonderful care to Audrey,such a long goodby, soon she will be at peace and your family will endure the heart ache of death, it will hurt but think of the last month, God will be there for you, I am so sad for you, bless you
I'm not sure whether others have mentioned this. The hospice chaplain told me that often our LOs do not want to "leave" until they are assured that it is okay to do so by the people closest to them.
Your description of day 32 is so like my mom's experience. I remember how it hurt her to move her and we did the pillows and whatever we could for comfort. She did have the start of a bedsore but the nurses put something like a skin patch I don't recall what it was but something like derma something at it seemed to help a bit..And as you said about the breathing..it was shallow but her chest was otherwise clear..I watched and watched as her breathing changed until at last it just stopped...no fan fare or noise , nothing..the light just went out and she was released from the prison this disease put her in for those last years, those so called golden years. Your sweet Audrey may need you and the kids to tell her is it ok for her to reach for her new life of wellness and freedom from this disease, that you will all be ok and will look after one another and will always carry her close to your hearts..she may need your permission to slip off..If you have not done this, as hard as it sounds and is to do, it might be the best gift you could give her now. We are all with you as you and your family walk this final path as you escort your Audrey to her new life of wellness and freedom from this suffering she has borne with such grace herself.
Phranque we are all stronger because you have led in strength. Bless you! ...................continuing to pray for a release for all of you. May God have mercy. RJ
I have watched at least 6 people leave this life. Some I was close to and others not. I have to admit it was difficult fo see all of them go. It gave me a very helpless feeling. I couldn't do anything to really make things easier for them. You have my deepest respect, Phranque, because you are doing something unimaginable. May you and your family find solace in each other.
Frank, as Granny said we will be at the end of he tunnel with lights and anything else you need that we can provide. You are remarkable and have such strength, I don't kow how you do it. My prayers are with you, Kim and Kevin and of course with your beloved Audrey - may she find peace soon.
Phranque----Your dw is letting go. Tell her it's OK. Feel her love. I believe she knows how much you love and care for her. And it's okay to cry----buckets, or not. God's peace.
My father thought he had gotten close to those pearly gates.
He had a plastic aorta put into his heart and was clinically dead. He told me this story away from my mother because he said she thought he was nuts.
He did accurately remember what the doctors and nurses said while he 'floated' around and then away. He said he then went through some tunnel or something and ended up seeing his own father and others who had passed away who told him to go back because it wasn't his time.
My father was an extremely honest man. He had no knowledge that I had recently read books about death experiences (such as drowning and being revived) and that his own story was classic.
I don't know what happens. I don't believe it's necessary that we do. I don't believe it's a bad thing for the person who passes. Just for the people who miss them.
Frank - I don't know if I should ask this or not..... Do you have morphine for her pain? When my dad was dying that's what we gave him and it eased his pain so much and made his dying so much easier. I couldn't even touch his feet if he didn't have the morphine.
Bev...we are using oxycodone....morphine is just not agreeable with audrey...she is now on day 34 w/o food, and day 3 w/o liquids...the nurse from hospice says that she may still have a week or more......
Dear Lord, please keep an extra eye on Audrey. Please bring her home on the wings of an angel when you see fit. We pray that she stays comfortable, with the knowledge that she is greatly loved. Allow Frank, Kim & Kevin to feel your love, your strength, your wisdom and courage, that they may continue to feel your spirit as they hold on tightly to each other and their memories. All of us here so feel their pain, some of us have been in their place, others will follow. Show us the best way to send our prayers, love and strength to Frank & his family. Amen.
Susan, what a lovely prayer for Audrey and her family. I suspect the angels are very busy making an extra special pair of wings so see Dear sweet Audrey home... Blessings on the family. I am at the airport waiting for the fly to Iceland ( and yes we had an earthquake here in DC..) but will be able to visit from there. Take care, everyone and especially Phranque and family.
Deb and Frank - I thought I had read all of Frank's posts because I'm so tuned into what he's going through and I just had to ask about the morphine, if I could help in any way. Frank, I think of you every single day no matter what is going on here. Along with the others here, I'm praying for you, Audrey, and the rest of your family.
Audrey made her journey into heaven early this morning, and I can hear her singing praises to the Lord, and rejoicing in conquering this vicious disease. Both My wonderful kids were here, and I was surrounded by their love. Thank you all for your wonderful support and encouragement. This has been a long hard journey, but the alzheimer devil did not win anything at all....We fought hand to hand combat with it, and I think we won more than he did.....