Lynn's nursing home has always been wonderful! It was so hard having him there, but I rested easy knowing he was getting the best care possible. That is no longer the case. The last 6 weeks have been just an awful mix of emotions and inner turmoil. They added a huge addition and are going through a major staff change. This is why I say don't judge a place by one or two people, because these folks often leave! And dont judge a place on how it looks, a nursing home is only as good as the staff. And now I am dealing with shitty staff!
This is so difficult after having dealt with such wonderful people for over two years! It started out as "little things" for instance, his face being dirty when I went in. Even that I was not happy with! This is basic care folks, wash his face after you feed him!!! Not too hard one would think.......Then started the falls, had a major "fight" over getting protection in place and preventative measures taken. Get that settled and squared away, then they went through another shift change, and this time my favorite nurse and Lynn's day aide quit. UUUUGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
I talked to the head nurse explaining my concerns, mostly hygiene issues. Lynn wants a kiss as soon as sees me!! And I want to kiss him, but I can't kiss him on the mouth because it is covered with dried up food!! I literally have to pick it out of his whiskers (because he hasn't been shaved!!) before I can give his face a good wash. He also has double vision and NEEDS his glasses! Yet 8 times when I went in he didn't have them on. He already has Alzheimer's and is confused, and now they are forcing him to see with double vision because they are too lazy or stupid to put his glasses on!??? Unacceptable, right? Am I being a hard ass here, or is that just blatant neglect of his personal care?
His eye had so many sleepy seeds in it that he scratched his eye trying to get it out!! I was FURIOUS!! How difficult is it to wash the mans face? And this isn't just any man, this is MY HUSBAND!! I am a fierce advocate, they know this!!!!! What the hell is the big deal about washing his face and shaving him? On July 8th I put in a call to our States Ombudsman. (they help advocate for nursing home patients, it is the first step to filing a State report and having the facility inspected and fined) I again spoke to the head nurse administrator for the floor he is on. I was told everything would be addressed and taken care of.
Since then, a few times he wasn't shaved, ok... I am easy going, not a big deal. A number of times his face hasn't been washed, but not nearly as bad as it use to be....ok, that makes me mad! But I am trying to avoid conflict and make sure they do not take out their anger at me out on Lynn. So, I play nice and just wash his face myself.
As many of you know I dislocated my knee and driving is very difficult. I didn't go in this weekend due to pain. When I went in today...... He hadn't been shaved since I was there on Friday...His eye was running and had a buildup of "goop"….There was dried mashed potato(or something!) smeared all in his whiskers....
And he was cold, so I went to get his lightweight blanket off his bed....... when I went in his room I smelled urine, first time ever!! I removed the blanket and saw a stain on the top sheet, as I removed the top sheet the smell or urine almost knocked me over! The sheet, the protective pad, the bottom sheet AND the mattress was wet with urine!! AND they just made the bed like that!!! SERIOUSLY!????? I flipped the hell out!! I took photos and video and then called the nursing home from my cell phone and asked the head shift nurse to come down to Lynn’s room. I then showed her his bed and talked about the poor quality of care their staff is giving my husband. I went nuts!!
I had to leave before I scooped Lynn up and ran for the closest exit…… on the way out I ran into the floor administrator in the elevator. I again went over what had happened today and expressed my disbelief and disgust that they have such incompetent staff. When I told her about the bed, her eyes got huge in disbelief. I told her I had shown the staff nurse and had pictures and video if she wanted proof. She didn’t…. she was just as shocked as I was. Said she would find out who is aide was today and deal with it.
Now what does that mean?? I want her ass fired, and I certainly don’t want her to EVER care for Lynn again!! When I calm down, I will call and tell them that!!
Now for your advice and opinions…… what should my next step be? Should I wait and see if the problem is addressed? Calling the state is a huge step!! I have been told that they can NOT retaliate…. But I am smart enough to know it WILL cause a lot of hard feelings. All I know is I can not financially afford to hire the help to take care of Lynn at home……….that is just eating me alive at the moment :(
I've been there and know how shocking it is. I wish I could tell you how to fix it, but here in Canada, at least, I had to fight to the bitter end. And yes, they do retaliate. All I can offer you is my complete sympathy and encouragement. You'll also have to be careful that you aren't destroyed in the process. The only route I didn't go was the press or TV stations.
In retrospect, I should have gone to the Health Minister of British Columbia, but I kept thinking I didn't need to go that far, and proceeded step-wise, working my way up the chain of command. Now that my husband is dead, the Health MInister is the most helpful in my efforts to fix this problem for others. One e-mail to him and he was phoning me. You have senators or congressmen, don't you? Seems to me one of the spouses mentioned that some time back.
How about an elder care lawyer? I do agree that anything that you do the NH can and or well retaliate especially if his nurse is deliberately negligent. If you don't want to take the chance of retaliation, which I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, you may be between a rock and hard place. This is one of those times, I think, where money talks and "everything else" walks!!!
Nikki-I am so sorry you and Lynn are going through this.We hae not faced nurseing homes yet-but when Paul was in a phyc ward for med adj. he was treated terrible.We fought with the staff to get better treatment to NO avail.I finally had to remove him against the doctor's advice and put him in ahospital nearly 3 hours from home,but thankfully the treatment was BETTER. I know that does not help you but I sure understand how you feel.
Thank you for your replies Mary, Deb and Bak....... acccccck I do feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Mary, what we have here is called an Ombudsman, they are the first line of defense, but do not carry as much weight as the State Dept. They carry a lot of weight and can fine or even shut down a facility. They do yearly inspections, but they also investigate charges of neglect or abuse. It is taken very seriously when a report is filed with the state. It would take care of one problem, but I fear it could and would create a whole bunch more serious problems. If he were being abused physically I would not hesitate to call. Hell I would have called 911! But for a dirty face? I am left wondering if it is worth the trouble it will cause.
I sat on this for a few hours and then called back the head of the floor administrator. I told her I just can't get over the incompetency of someone making a bed that was clearly soiled with urine. She said she did speak with his aide and she swears she would never do that. She was visibly upset. I told her I showed the staff nurse and took pictures. She said she did speak to the staff nurse and knew I was telling the truth… but she felt the aide was sincere in her “mistake”
I was thinking about the heat wave we just had, it just broke yesterday…. They have been keeping most lights off to keep the rooms cooler. I wonder if the aide just didn’t bother to turn a light on? Even if that is what it was, that is still a very stupid thing for a caregiver to do. You HAVE to see what you are doing!
At any rate, I told her that was unacceptable to me! THAT is not a simple mistake, that is total incompetency and she should not be taking care of anyone!! She said she was given a formal written reprimand…. I still did not feel that was enough. I told her I thought she should be fired, but I didn’t have the power to do that. But I did INSIST she NEVER-EVER take care of Lynn again!!
She assured me that aide would not take care of Lynn again. I don’t even want to know which aide it was for fear I will go off on them…..I have a wee bit of a temper when it comes to Lynn’s care…… My Mom said for now I have done all I can. To wait and see if things improve, if they don’t, keep going up the chain of command until things get back to the way they use to be. Pain or not, you can bet I will be there every day to make sure he is getting the care he needs and deserves!!
I'll go back and read the other posts but not being in this situation myself maybe my idea isn't the best..I would start souting for another facility and then report this place to whatever agency in the state lic this place..You have put up with too much of this declining care to b quiet and if Lynn is getting care this poor so are others.
I feel you would not have picked this place out unless you knew it was a good place. You are so much like me regarding that. I think it was the person not the place that made the mistake. It was a good think you spoke up. This is what I do, they will take care of him now because you were upset. I made sure everyone in the nh where my husband is, knows me,but never knows the day or time I will be there. I keep them guessing . I would give the place a second chance, especially knowing now that that aide will not be working with Lynn anymore.
Thank you Mimi and Paula, I really appreciate your replies ♥
You are right Paula, this is the best nursing home in our area! I searched long and hard before choosing this one. For over two years he received excellent care there! The problem is there has been so much staff changing due to the huge addition to the facility. They are opening a whole new building on the grounds for assisted living and recuperation. I have never had these problems before. I am VERY vocal. Everyone there knows I am a fierce advocate. The new people who don't, are finding out very quickly!!! I have always gone in almost every single day.
It isn't as easy as just moving him to another facility. Sadly, these types of problems happen at every facility at one time or another. I have yet to speak to one spouse who was ALWAYS happy with the level of care their spouse received. The truth is, I love Lynn and no one can give him better personal care than I do. I am sure most spouses feel this way! The problem is, when they need more care than one person can provide, and when you do not have the funds to hire around the clock care, you are left with little choice but to place them. It sucks!!! Lynn needs skilled nursing care and he needs 24/7 care.
I have been thinking about this all night...... I forgot to mention that they told me all new staff will have re-training starting first thing tomorrow. I of course will make sure Lynn's care is being done properly by going in every day. He has a great doctor there, and I have confidence in the nurses there. I know his medical needs are being met, and I am very happy with that level of care. It is the new aides I am having trouble with. It is mostly hygiene issues.... as I said, today is the first time his bed has EVER been dirty. I will now check his bed every day as well. I do believe it is one or two new aides slacking, it is not the facility as a whole. For now I will leerily trust that they are dealing with these issues...while keeping an eagle eye on them.
Nikki, I am going out on a limb here....When my gramma and uncle and mil had to be placed we found the getting personnally acquainted with the cna's and really praising their dedication to the job and letting them know the things they did that we did like and also little gifts on their bday or a gift card now and then made a huge difference. Also got to know the volunteers and made them aware as to how important they were to our loved ones. Just a suggestion.
I always wonder if I raise hell will they take it out on LO when I'm not there,so far I havn't seen anything to really get upset about but if that time comes one has to wonder.Right now I'm having problems with meds,a cpl months ago I saw on the pharmacy bill 120 zanax,when I question if they were giving her four a day they brought the records an she was only givn 12 for the month,I questioned where the other 108 pills went an to this day noone as been able to tell me what happened to them.Considering she takes about 15+ meds a day I wonder how many she is actually getting an where the hell the extras are going
ol don, I think they keep the rest of the Xanax for emergencies. DH had a scrip for that a long time ago and they've lasted a long time. You can ask to look at the daily log of meds dispensed to her.
I have a killer migraine ugggggg. This of course triggers even more severe trigeminal neuralgia attacks. I am throwing up from the pain, but I can't go back to bed like I should because I HAVE to go check on Lynn. I can't drive; well I could, but not safely. So now here I am an adult feeling like a teen, trying to beg a ride from family. Needless to say, I hate this whole situation. One way or the other I will get there. Is crazy that I feel I have to, but I do.
Andy I agree with your thinking and have always had a good relationship with all the staff. They do not allow gifting to one person, that is considered a bribe in their eyes, but they do allow gifting such as food to the whole staff at Christmas etc. I have always believed the old saying "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" And I do believe most nursing home aides are overworked and underpaid. I have always made a point to over praise, to be nice, and to bring in gifts for holidays. I had a great relationship with the old floor administrator and rarely even needed to attend the care plan meetings because she took care of any concerns I had immediately. She left to take care of her father who has Alzheimer's. The new floor administrator is nice enough, but not as firm with the staff and it clearly shows. It is a hard line to try to draw between friend and fierce advocator. I want them to like me enough to go the extra mile in Lynn's care, but I don't want them to think I am there as their friend. I am there as Lynn's wife and advocator, and they need to know I have zero tolerance for neglect.
It is always hard when so much new staff comes in. They don't yet know the patient or what the family wants and expects in their care. His old aide and I had a great relationship; she knew what was important to me and made every effort to see that those things were done regardless of how busy she was. I often times will help them out too, I always have. If I see they are understaffed I offer to do things like make the bed etc. They have often joked that I should just work there. Things use to be pretty great all things considered. His aides now change almost daily as they try to break in new staff. I guess until they get a regular shift worked out I will just have to go in daily to make sure things are getting done.
On a different note, Lynn's day aide that recently quit is still in contact with me often. She just loves us, she was bawling when she said goodbye to Lynn. I spoke with her today and she was very upset when I told her about the events of yesterday. So much so that she is putting in a call to the State Dept!! Not just on Lynn's behalf, but for all the residents. She said that way no retaliation would be taken out on Lynn or I. I do not feel they would harm Lynn in any way! I believe that wholeheartedly or he wouldn't be there!! It truly has been a wonderful facility; it is just a few new aides who really suck! I am not sure if she will actually call... but that got me to thinking.... I wonder if one can put in an anonymous call? It is tragic that one needs to worry about retaliation, but I do.
I don't think there is any such thing as "anonymous" today Most businesses are equipped with "caller id" phones. When I worked in a hospital 10 yrs. ago it was that way. People don't make crank calls anymore for that reason. Too easy to be identified.
I really feel for you, Nikki. You are between a rock and a hard place. Give them a little time to get their act together. In the meantime keep your eyes open and be with Lynn as much as you can.
There are ways to block your number from caller ID, and I could even use a pay phone. I have calmed down some since I last posted. I can't go in to see Lynn until dinner time so I called to see how Lynn was doing today. I always call if I can't be there in person. A few minutes later I got a call from the floor administrator. We had a good heart to heart talk. We both had all night to think about yesterday’s events .... and she was very empathetic and said if in my shoes she would be just as upset as I am. They do know I am on the verge of reporting them..... so I think I will take your advice and that of my Mom's and just wait a little while to see if things improve.
I feel she was sincere in her apology and reassurance that nothing like that will ever happen again. She said she would personally oversee Lynn's care today and check him over from head to toe. That made me feel better. She also thanked me for addressing my concerns as they can not fix what they don't know.
When he was first placed I had a list posted in his room of what personal care was vital to me, I long ago removed it. I am now working on a new one.... I started it with ... Idiots taking care of Lynn.... ummm perhaps I should cool down a bit more before I rewrite it LOL
PrisR the problem with having some on hand for emergencies,they have been recieving 120 per month for the last 6-9 months and when I question them noone can give me any idea whats going on.In the state of Mich ALF arn't governed by the same rules as NH,I think they're more or less flying under the law so they operate without fear.
OMG, 120 every month? What dosage/mg.? That's four pills a day! I'd sure insist on an explanation, a meeting with the dr. who's prescribing. Where DH is it's a psychiatrist who does a great job.
I was lucky when I first placed DH, everything was going well. Even so, I found myself going to see him every day, I just had to see him, hold him, make contact. Then the place was sold and things did not go all that well and I made sure, in a nice way, that they all knew who I was and always brought a box of donuts, etc for the nurses' station and made sure at least 1 or 2 staff knew who they came from. I talked to the director and It wasn't long before they learned that they could not so easily cut corners, that families demanded a certain level of care.
To be honest, he wasn't the easiest patient. He'd wander and get into other beds, even if someone was in them. Sometimes it created incidents that didn't seem funny at the time, but we all laughed afterwards. Still he was voted their favorite male patient on Valentine's Day, he was a sweetheart, that's for sure.
Years ago we had to place Mom in a care facility and we hired a nursing student to come in a few mornings a week to help her, even tho we were usually there, too. Today, my sister is senile from vascular dementia, she's 89, and a couple days a week she has a nursing student come in and be with her in her house. I know sometimes the patient only wants who he wants to take care of him, but maybe a male nursing student could come in every few days to bathe & shave a loved one. I had people from time to time come in the house for a 1/2 day in the morning a few days a week and DH would bond--or fight--depending. But, it was worth it to save me. And at least one facility patient had a 24-hr CG at the facility in addition to care from the staff. Fortunately DH never needed that much care, good thing, too, or I'd have had to get a paper route.
I'm going to take a wild guess here about the Xanax. Chances are they were being used by staff.
I don't have any remarkable advice. Hard as it was, I remember when I read your posts. There're all the emotions on so many levels and all that love and you have every right to rant and rage. Just know--and I wish it were more--that we understand.
Betty, since I joined this wonderful site in 2008 your words have always brought me comfort and a measure of peace to my heart. Thank you so much for that! <3
Nikki I typed a longwinded thing and it took too long. I completely understand. Have struggled with this same issue for a year. The facility is physically PERFECT. The management has recently changed for the 4th time. New employees, a revolving door and most frightening when NO ONE shows up to work! Its been a work in progress. I've nearly exhausted myself trying to WAIT for the day when I walk in and feel confident that DH has not been neglected. Someone else reported this facility to the state. I have sent letters, met with every manager and nurse designee and showed employees how to get the shower accomplished. Its still a work in progress. I consider dirty/face/hands/clothes/bedding/room/bathroom..neglect. It means to me that if/when he is unable to walk and talk things there will be even worse. I think I am the only person who washes his face or hands. I notice if his clothes are dirty and change them. Driving 40 miles to do this every day is not healthy..Sometimes I stay over but I'm considering moving him back to our home town local nursing home. They have secure doors now and I can live 3 blocks away. If the quality of care is the same, at least I'll be close enough to do what needs to be done. If the quality if better..that will be a relief.
Ol don, I a agree with Bettyhere. That amount of difference in what she takes and what you are billed for is a red flag and should be reported. Definitely someone is helping themselves.
Nikki, you are soooo sweet in all your posts that you must really be upset with Lynn's care. Hang in there. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. (((hugs)))
Judy I too consider these things neglect! I am sorry your battle has been so hard and so long! This facility did NOT use to be this way or he wouldn't have been there this long. Lynn wont be staying there if things don't go back to the way they use to be. I hope things get better for you and your DH!!!
Phil, you are so kind, thank you!!
I have some GREAT news!!! I went in today and Lynn looked fantastic, just like he use to. I was soooooo happy to see him looking so well and taken care of. Today I couldn't have done a better job myself with his personal care. One of the new aides had him today, one I had yet to meet. I walked to the nurses station and asked who was in charge of Lynn's personal care today.... was so funny the nurse actually cringed thinking I was going to say something bad LOL. She gave me her name and I thanked her with a smile.
After the lunch rush I noticed the head nurse walking in different rooms with different aides. It wasn't until they came to Lynn's room that I understood what was happening. A new policy....Now each new aide is having their patients and their rooms inspected several times throughout the shift by the head nurses. This is happening for every shift!! The young aide must have been told I asked who cared for Lynn.... she looked sooooo nervous as she introduced herself.
I then went on to tell her that I wanted to thank her in person for the excellent care she had given Lynn today. Her smile got bigger and brighter as I continued to praise her (in front of her boss no less lol) I think it just as important to praise good work as it is to criticize the bad.
FINALLY I think things are on the mend to getting back to the way things use to be. The head administrator told me today that I was not the only one to complain recently and they are taking our complaints very seriously. I was reassured that Lynn's care would never be neglected again. She also thanked me again for bringing this to her attention and giving her the opportunity to fix the problems. WONDERFUL!!! Still have my eagle eyes on highest alert, but I am resting easier tonight! :)
Oh Nikki, I am so glad to hear that! I also like to give compliments when they are due. Haven't had a chance to watch both videos, but I am looking forward to seeing them. Again, great news!
Thank you Mimi and Elaine, it is such a huge relief!! Thank you also for your comment on the videos of Lynn....it is so much easier for people to see for themselves the changes than for me to try to describe it. :)
I would love to see the video of Lynn. I do not have a face book account. Could I still see the video's. Please let me know how to do it. I also contacted Joan to ask to speak to you privately. I don't know if she contacted you.
Day two of excellent care returned! He looked awesome when I went in today :) Such a huge relief lifted off my shoulders. No retaliations at all, everyone is still just as sweet as always and I noticed today the new aides knew the regular visitors names. That must be some training they are going through LOL
Hello All, Especially...NIKKI... You have become a very special person in my life.......and, yet, you most likely have no idea. We share some.......we share many.....,as we all do.
Thank you, JOAN.
Thank you all...and quite....honestly, thank you all of the GOOD MEN... Love, Robyn/Brady