I have been thinking about keepsakes for family members when my dh passes. Going by my parents, it seems like there is so much when a woman dies, i.e., jewelry, china, crystal, assorted collectable-type items amassed over a lifetime. However, most men just don't have the "stuff" we women do.
I plan to have a quilt made from my husband's ties at some point to keep for myself; I wonder if anyone has any unique ideas to preserve other items? My husband was a golfer; he collected coins and some stamps; he had some cameras that are probably out of date by now. I am wearing his watches and had his wedding band redone for me. I keep thinking there must be other things I can give to family members, but can't come up with any off the top of my head.
You can make a memory quilt out of family pictures (or just hb) or pictures that were dear to your hb. Another thing is making a photo album of the family and possibly insert some of his stamp and coin collections. You're right they don't collect much of anything. These are the only ideas I can come up with.
I was just thinking last night about how sad it is that this is the way the grandchildren will remember their Papaw. He had such fun with them when they were younger. I thought about having each of them make a picture album of "Papaw and Me", pictures of them doing things with him before this happened. It might help THEM to remember the real Papaw. It might even trigger some memories if they show it to him.
Lynn has nothing to pass on either................... what I did was to get replicas of his war medals for each of his children. I did individual framed photo collages for each of them as well. This past Christmas I gave them the gifts he picked out for them when he was diagnosed, a small memento to remember him by.
His grandchildren I have nothing for.... but then again, they gave him nothing. Not even a visit, so I have no guilt in that.
Marilyn, if you are the crafty sort you can make your own memory photo quilts. This is what I did for my siblings when my Dad died. I also added appliques that would mean something to that sibling. They came out really nice, and meant a lot to them because I had made them. Just an idea.....
When my mother died, for Christmas that year I made each family member a Christmas box from her..sort of.. I went through all the photos I could find that had mom and that particular person in it. Then I went to her closet and found the outfit she had on in the picture with them. For my niece, she was 3 in the picture and she and my mom were sitting at the organ. I had the complete suit mom wore, and the jewelery she had on ( costume was all she had but for her wedding ring and one pendant and watch and anniversary ring which I have) along with a monogrammed hand towel with her initials on it, and some personal items..Kate was only 9 when mom died. she is now 26 and her mother who just died two weeks ago today, kept the outfit Kate was wearing since my folks brought it to her from Ireland. My brothers got something similar as did the nephews. I thought it would be something meaningful..but who knows..
My trust has it that unless I designate things for certain people it gets sold..( I could change this if I want to later) to avoid arguements. Each one of the 3 stepdaughters has said, " when you die, who gets your 2 ct diamond wedding ring?" I said none of you....I hate that people have the nerve to ask a question like that as if they were vultures.
They will get keepsakes from their dad...I have 3 girls and 3 flight helmets...each one will have one..if they want it if not it goes to our local MCL Det museum. They will be offered, when I say the time is right, to things they saw while they were growing up that he brought into the marriage...some things I quite like too and as I have taken care of them for 34 years so far...I get some say and that is what my DH wants.
I'll go through all the photos, have done some of this already, to make sure each one has lots of photos..if they would like one of his dress suits or something like that that is fine..I keep the wedding rings and other jewelery I gave him..he didn't like wearing rings or watches..so he doesn't have much of that sort of thing..It is something to consider...what to do what to do..we all want things to go to people for whom it will be meaningful and hopefully not end up at goodwill.
Nikki I am with you. too plan to have duplicates of his medals made up and copies of his awards..I keep the originals and when I depart the scene as DH would say then the oldest will get the originals..unless she would prefer her sisters have them but they can fight that out. AS to the grandkids, I feel the same way thought DH would not..they don't call, they are too far for a visit but not too far from a post office to mail a snail mail letter to him..
Another thing I did for my siblings was to make them pillows out of one of Dad's shirts. I plan on doing this for our niece and nephew when Lynn passes. They lived with us before Lynn was placed, and still live with me now. They visit their Uncle Lynn all the time and love him greatly. I have a lot of pictures with them and Lynn... so I will find a picture of him wearing the shirt and give it to them along with the pillow. I will make every effort to give to those who gave to him.
Another idea is photo gifts. I have used Personal Creations a lot and have always been happy with them. They can make anything from t-shirts to vases… something to please everyone. I have also had pictures turned into canvases. They look really nice and make a nice keepsake. I did two for Lynn and they are hanging in his room. He loves them :)
Nikki, A thought just struck me...for those who are good with the crafts type of gift ideas like your pillows from the shirts, not that we are wishing our lo gone but maybe that is a project to start now and have to enjoy now...not necessarily to give the memento now but for you to enjoy seeing the gift..
Mimi what a thoughtful gift your Christmas boxes were ♥
I am trying VERY hard to bite my tongue and not let my bitterness at his family's neglect ruin this thoughtful thread. I have a lot of resentments. My sister said why give them anything? And my reply is because I am better than that. For Lynn I keep the peace. I call and write updates, I stay in contact because that is the type of person I am, and one of the reasons Lynn loved me so much. For him I will continue to be kind, and for him I will make an effort to give them something I think will be special to them. I am glad their wont be any money to fight over!
Mimi, I know this may sound so strange to some of you......(can't believe I am going to share this) After I placed Lynn... Lord I just missed him! Just everything about having him home with me. I would go in our room and just smell his clothes. I know that seems so odd, but it brought me comfort. I often would sleep in his shirts and cuddle up with another one. So for me, I have made some pillows using his shirts. I have also stored some of his shirts in those air tight bags trying to preserve his scent. Crazy huh?
Nikki, it isn’t crazy at all! From everything you have written it is obvious that you & Lynn have a special kind of bond. It’s always so uplifting reading your posts. Thank you for sharing. My DH has a very extensive sports collectible collection, autograph photos of sports figures, bobble heads, thousands (no exaggeration) of baseball cards etc. In the early years of his AZ he was very obsessive about “people” taking any of his treasures. I told my sons that when they visit they are welcome to take a few items & they have, but believe me there is MUCH left. We have 9 grandchildren & the next time they are all here I am going to let each of them pick a few items to remember PopPop by. This past 4th of July 2 of our out of town grandsons were here & we were in Poppop’s sports room & PopPop gave them each 2 baseballs & then said that next time they come to town they can get more things. I know that my kids don’t want a bunch of “stuff” coming into their houses, but a few items to remember PopPop by will be OK.
My husband was a saver. He and our son did not have a good relationship. I was surprised when our son was delighted to get his dad's old boyscout uniform. Glad I asked before I pitched it. It is sad to realize that faulty relationships are beyond fixing.
Several years ago after DX, I started going through our stuff. DH had been married (wife died) and had one son. So, I gathered all his mother's things that we had kept all through the years, and his grandmother's things - and everytime he came out he took things back with him. The last few times I gave him whatever he wanted of his DH's. He has collections of Toby Mugs/Jugs; clowns and clocks. His son didn't want them, and my son did, so they were packed up ready to give to my son when he came up over the Christmas holidays. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and now, we have no one to leave them to. I have DH's mother's and grandmothers dishes - beautiful things, and no family to leave them to. This is sad, too. My son gave me beautiful cameos throughout the years - now what do I do with them??? Well, got off-track.
Family dynamics are so interesting and, unfortunately, death seems to bring out the worst in a lot of families.
Isn't it kind of sad that things that mean so much to us, especially collectibles, mean so little to our family and that if we gave it to them they would just have a yard sale or take it to an antique shop or goodwill? Unless of course it is something valuable ( and even that doesn't stop them) .
When my mom died,on Veteran's Day 1994, and Dad asked what I would like for Christmas, I said I wish he would just select something of hers that he thought I would like..I selected her little collection of Daulton Darby Posies and over the years I have added to it,hard to find that pattern..Now I have lots of her things...and her grandkids are not the least bit interested in anything of their parents, so I am told, but now Becky died, maybe they will feel a little differently and somethings of hers may be more sentimental than they ever thought.
My step daughters are not smart enough to realize that some of the things in my collections are quite valuable! I know one would LOVE my Madonna of the Rose statue of te Virgin Mary with the Baby Jesus holding a rose...she is not going to get it..none of them are. It was a wedding present to me from my parents, my patron saint is Mary and none of the girls are religious or follow and particular faith at all..no time for it..So this will go to my family...OR it will go to a congregation of religious persons where it will be viewed as more than a beautiful alabaster piece of art..which is how the girls view it..as art...it is Italian. I'll post it on my FB so you can see what I am talking about for those of you on FB.
It is and you will have seem one comment how she liked to dust that piece..and the Buddha..strange..both religious symbols. Don't mean to sound stingy but if something happened to me I would want my precious things to go to people I know would appreciate it not so much for what it is ( art) but for what it represents.
Funny thing how when we are in our 20s and 30s and even 40s we just go about our lives enjoying things and collecting things that mean something to us...china, art, glassware..whatever and never give a thought to that big scary later.... Then we sort of hit our late 50s or 60s and those thoughts start to creep in especially when we have a third thing ( ALZ or some other disease) into our marriages...not fair...
You know I had a memory quilt made from some woman in California for my daughters wedding shower. I collected pictures of her growning up and the colors of the schools she attended. I also had photos of her grandmother and grandfather whom she loved so dearly. It was very emotional when she saw it. She'll have that for every. It cost me around 400.00. Good Luck
I have made a memory quilt for high school graduation for the granddaughters and from college for our grandson. On each quilt is a special picture of them with their grandparents on each side of their family. The rest are of their life from birth. I tried to find pictures of every person in their families. Big job on their mother's side as there is a step-family. I enjoyed the process. FD was a wood worker and has made many pieces of furniture and I must ask him now who he thinks would like what. He has already given each either a desk or bookcase they have in their home. We only have three g-children, two sons and a daughter. Only one son is married so we are a small family.
Charlie was not a photographer but family pictures were his passion. He was the keeper of the family albums. He put together albums of each family that he kept updated through the years with many hours of hard work. I wouldn't part with them right now but I am sure each family will cherish their album and remember Charlie with love when the time comes that they are theirs.