Hi TT, this is from MedlinePlus.... "Assisted living is for adults who need help with everyday tasks. They may need help with dressing, bathing, eating, or using the bathroom, but they don't need full-time nursing care. Some assisted living facilities are part of retirement communities. Others are near nursing homes, so a person can move easily if needs change."
I do know some folks here have been fortunate in that the ALF they chose will also do skilled care when the resident declines and needs more care. That wasn't an option where I live. When the need came to place Lynn it was pretty cut and dry, an ALF did not offer the 24/7 skilled nursing care that he required.
If it was only a matter of helping him with his personal care, I wouldn't have needed to place him. For me the sad truth is that I had to place Lynn because I was under too much stress, overworked, had no help, could not afford any help, and my health reached a point that I was told at the age of 41, I would most likely die before Lynn. I had a series of TIA's that were the direct result of trying to take care of Lynn alone.
The other major reason was the mighty dollar *sigh. We spent our life savings on my medical expenses. Lynn cashed in everything we had including his life insurance to get me the best care possible. I became disabled at 31; our income was cut right in half. So he was approved for Medicaid easily. The tragic truth is that they will pay for a nursing home, but they will not give you enough in home care so that I could keep Lynn home. His case worker said that Lynn needed more care than they could provide. I do know Hospice would help, but they do not offer round the clock care either... and that is what Lynn needed. It still pains me a great deal that I could not afford to get him the care he needed so I could keep him at home.
mothert--as Nikki said, much depends on financial concerns. ALF's are pretty much private pay/LTC insurance/maybe VA if you can qualify? With NH placement you have the option of Medicaid picking up the tab, again if you meet the financial criteria.
If you are private pay, I would say to investigate the ALF's first, because NH care will cost you several thousand dollars a month more, and why pay that out of pocket if that level of care isn't needed?
Wow, Nikki, you were hit with a double whammy, I'm so sorry. How are you getting along now? Do you need help at home for yourself?
Being a very proactive person, I try to at least know what ducks are available, when and why, long before I need to tap into them. This site and all of you are, in addition to being the best therapy group a person could ever ask for, are a wealth of knowledge and I feel like I just may be getting a handle on the framework of our lives for now. My theory is if I can get the underlying job of daily living (bills, insurance, pest control, yard care, etc) all set up then I'll be more emotionally available to handle the really hard stuff (that's my theory, anyway).
I can handle Herb pretty easily for now; if his anger issues get out of control, who knows?? Probably more drugs. And, yes, we are private pay. For the moment, we are set up well enough in the finances dept; but, as you all know, this disease can wipe us out pretty fast and then I'm left to be old, alone and broke when it's all over. I'm trying really hard to not let that happen.
TT, I have always been a proactive person as well. Sometimes however you find out those duck you had all in a row can't swim! We did have LTC insurance etc etc, but any medical condition can clean out a life savings rather quickly. We assumed it would be Lynn, not me at age 31! One just never knows........ I hate to say this but my health has improved since placing Lynn, not one TIA since. My disabilities are of course still a daily challenge, but not life threatening, just extremely painful. I don't need assistance with things like personal care, but I am limited in what I can do physically. A few years ago my sister and her kids moved in with me after a messy divorce, it was a win win situation for the both of us :)
I hope your ducks cooperate better than mine did :)
Nikki, Yes, I have found that since this disease has come to live at our house, my plans are mostly tenuous at best. However, I do have the ElderLaw issues out of the way, Financial Planner finishing up with instructions to make sure that money is available to care for Herb and a plan (sort of) for when I am old and need care. Assuming I still own our house, if I find that money is becoming an issue, I will get a Reverse Mortgage and live on that probably until the end. But, as you said, so many times I have had everything all set up only to have it blow up in my face. Clearly, I'm not the one in charge.
I need some advice. Jim is stage 6 . At 61 physically he looks great, I mean great. Cognitively, not a clue what day or year it is. Now urinating in the sink. Will not let me sleep. Up at 5:30am every day. Can't stay focused on anything. Always wants to go somewhere. I am getting to the pointing am worn out. He is in daycare the 3 days I work and he loves it.. We do not have LTC ins. Which means we will need to have him placed on medical asst. and will need to be placed in a NH as opposed to an Assisted Living facility. I am having such a hard time making the decision to place him in a nursing home. I believe. He will qualify for Medicare once he is evaluated. Anyone have this experience. I feel he would do better in AssistedLiving but I have no funds. Any suggestions?
He sounds very similar to my hb, now 67, physically great, cognitively, no good. Attended daycare right up until I placed him in an ALF this summer. I considered only ALF's because they are less costly when you are private pay. My advice would be for you to take a look a several NH's--I saw some that really weren't that different from ALF's (from a demented resident's point of view). The NH's have a daily activities schedule that is similar to what adult day programs provide--as a matter of fact, some of the same people who visit the daycare programs to entertain, speak, etc., also go to NH's. I, too, had reservations about placing a physically healthy male in his 60's into a NH; but honestly, in retrospect, in stage 6, my husband doesn't know where he is and is content as long as people approach him properly. Had I chosen the correct NH, I am confident things would have gone fine. What matters more is the caliber of the staff, how attentive they are with care, how educated they are in handling dementia patients, etc.
Look at a few different nursing homes. I placed my husband two years ago. Physically, he's in great shape. It just that AD has taken over. I"m very happy where he is. Of course, now he's not that interested, but they have a monthly calendar and have all sorts of activites. Just about every week there's musical entertainment. He still shows a slight sign of enjoying that. He's been on Medicaid since he went in and receives just as good care as anyone. Sure, it was a tough decision but the time comes.
Thank you for your suggestions. I am just struggling with the time factor. Is it really time? Somedays like today I have no patience with him, I can't wait until it's bedtime so he can go to bed and I get a break. I am beginnning to think other people would be able to care for him better than I can. Other days I feel like I just can't let him go. Am I being selfish?
No you're not being selfish. It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to care for my hb at home by myself because he's "busy" ALL THE TIME. 3-4 hrs sleep at night and he was good to go. Wandering, potty issues, hiding things, needing assistance w/all dl activities. No more taking to stores or restaurants. Wearing me down. Friends and family said I looked stressed all the time. He fell, cut his head and knocked himself out at home. Hospitalized; now in special unit of local care center (nh); so I visit him every day. Now, I'm doing better as is he. He keeps the staff on their toes, but there are more than one to deal with him. More than one aide has said they don't know how I cared for him at home by myself. It's hard to know if/when the "right" time arrives. We try to do it all from potty patrol to entertainment. My hb isn't and wasn't interested in activities--just wandering and getting into things. Often I felt like I was at the end of my tether. Kids said they'd lost one parent and didn't want to lose another. An excellent elder care attorney helped arrange Medicaid for him.
I plan on submitting the application to Copper Ridge this week. He will be put on a wait list, because he will be on Medicaide there are limited spaces. I am trying to put this in God's hands and will see what happens nxt. Thanks for your input.
Copper Ridge? Do you live in Maryland? That's where my husband was diagnosed and I'm familiar with the facility. Have they told you how long the wait list is--I think it is mostly private pay.
Yes i do live in Maryland, actually about 5 minutes from the facility,and they do have limited medicaid spaces. My husband started with Dr. Steiberg, who diagnosed him about 8 yrs ago. Jim currently sees Dr. Fields, who is now at CR. We love her! From my lips to God's ear I am praying for Jim to be placed there.
My answering machine tonight holds a msg from this aft from the head nurse at the care facility where my hb is. She wants to talk w/me about a plan for him--wandering, bothering other people's things, agitating them, possibly a danger to them. Another facility, more meds, home again???? Guess I should wait until I talk w/her. Already have a meeting scheduled for Monday with the social worker re "plan." Wonder how many staff will be in the meeting each to tell me how awful my hb's behavior is.
Zibby, I'm sorry that you have to go through this bad time. I've found social workers to be often more helpful than medical personnel; maybe it's because they look at how families are affected, not just the patient. Could you talk with his doctor? The head nurse might just be thinking about running her floor, how to keep it simple for her. Obviously the best thing to do is what's best for him, and that does not mean at your expense. You count, too.