I'm still out here. My DH is having quite a problem with "wrapping his mind" around financial discussions. I won't go into a lot of detail except for the really bad reaction lasted two days and we had four anger encounters. He wants me to be able to pay the electric/gas bill and other bills as soon as they arrive. A good thought. So he asked me if I would be paying the power bill on Friday/pay day. I told him no. He got really mad and reminded me that we "had a deal" that I would pay them as soon as I got them. I tried to tell him that it was because we haven't gotten the bill yet. He told me to pay it anyway that he want the bills paid as soon as they come in. I tried to tell him that we wouldn't get the bill until the end of next week. He said that I was being difficult and he thought I had problems because I can't understand what he means. He said he should have gotten the divorce when he wanted to (this always comes up). There were other topics also and he wants me to answer his questions "yes" or 'no" which sometimes you can't do. As in this case, a "no" was not the appropriate answer. He does not want a discussion or an explination from me. If I try to expand on a topic then the trouble starts. Sometimes, he tells me to just handle things and I do for a couple of weeks then he tells me that I haven't been talking about bills so I must be hiding things.
I am just wondering what some of you have ran into with this and how you ended up handling it.
Mary75, I would just say "I have taken care of it." Trying to tell him the bill hasn't come is in the "reason mode," which is busted. Giving him the statement that you have taken care of it relieves him of the worry of having to try to remember that it hasn't been paid. It is those days of the week, month, etc. that are getting confused now. And my DH can't understand explanations, so I stopped giving them. We have to do it all now - just as we will after they are gone.
Also, I have my utilities on automatic deduction from our checking account so there is no problem and he was aware of it prior to AD. You might see if that would work with him as a different alternative.
I just say, it is OK. That's done. He doesn't actually ask me about bills since I've paid them for decades already. But if he does ask about something like that (he wanted his magazine subscription paid when it came in) I just say it is with the bills I'm getting ready to pay. In this case I picked up my checkbook from the pile and showed him the envelope right on top with the Verizon bill right under it.
And when he took the bills out to the mailbox, it was there in the pile.
Hum... You could have him take the mail to the mailbox. In our case it is a slot in a community mailbox for outgoing mail, but it could just as easily be the box or slot at the post office. Then if he has a question, just remind him that he put the bills in the mailbox, which he did. It doesn't matter how long ago that was.
That reminds me of one I did (back in those days of actual communication).
She'd forget we had eaten luch/dinner, etc. So she'd ask, "When are going to eat? or "What's for lunch?"
I would reply, "You had lunch. You ate chicken. You loved it, and you thought it was delicious." She'd say, "I did?" And I'd say, "Yep. You said you were full." And 9 times out of 10, she'd say, "Oh, OK."
I agree I would just say it had been taken care of. I have always paid the bills, so my husband has no clue when something should be paid & never ask. However, ever so often he will ask how much money HE has, he will get upset & want to see the checkbook, however, he could look at the checkbook for days & still not comprehend what he was looking at. I try to assure him, thankfully, he doesn't need to worry. I am trying also to quit explaining & reasoning, just to stressful for both of us. Logic & reasoning are gone.