maybe this should go under slap fest! i am so tired of going out and people staring at bobby like he is drunk or something. yes he has a harley hat, yes he does wear harley t shirts quite a bit but that does not mean he is drunk and needs to be stared out! i swear i am going to have a t shirt made that has on the back " not dumb or drunk , Alzheimer's , respect the disease!" we tired to go to dinner tonight with my daughter and grandson. yes sometimes my 2 yr old grandson follows instruction better than bobby but the people in the booth behind us could not stop staring. luckily i did not see how much until after they left and my daughter who had been facing them told me how uncomfortable they had make her. it is so hard when the patient is so young i guess people just don't think!!! i am seriously going to get some business cards made to hand to the wait staff! it is so seldom that we go to a nice sit down dinner. then to have to deal with stupid people with all the other we deal with!! i told my daughter to never let that happen again without telling me. i will handle it. bless her heart she is only 22 and the whole thing of watching her dad decline is so hard on her. she is the best thing in the world , always coming over and helping this summer. i will miss her this fall when she returns to school for her last year of nursing school. ok, i am done venting. i think!

Donna, it is that Momma Bear instinct in us to protect. I have "succumbed" to making a scene or two before. I finally learned to let it roll off my back. I wasn't going to give these imbeciles the power to ruin my day, nor my time with Lynn. I did have cards made, and I handed them out with a smile and a look that that said more than any words could have.

I have a lot of trouble remembering those idiots now. What I remember most are the people who took a moment to show Lynn compassion and those who had a kind word of encouragement and understanding for me.

I wrote the following post over two years ago, I can still recall the look in the soldiers eyes, the kind reflection in his voice……..


"I am thinking back to a few months before I had to place Lynn. We saw a fellow in his army uniform. Lynn stopped him and thanked him for his service. This young man knew within a matter of seconds that Lynn had dementia. He tossed me a look, you know the kind right? The one where they glance at you as if to question "is he alright". I just nod now, and mouth he has Alzheimer's.

This young man didn't miss a beat. He shook Lynn's hand and asked him if he had served. I know he must have been busy, but he took time out of his life to listen to Lynn's war stories. Joined us for a cup of coffee and made Lynn feel wonderful. When he stood up to leave.... *crying* He saluted Lynn and thanked him for his service. He then!! Saluted me and thanked me for taking care of one of America's heroes. I will never forget that. Never.

I can think of many people who do understand. The ones who you can tell just by their words, their actions, that they truly sympathize and have compassion. Maybe their lives have also been affect by AD or maybe they are Angels here on Earth? All I know for certain is, the people who have a negative effect.. them I have forgotten. But the ones like that young soldier, them I will always remember."


To this day I still think of that young man, and it can still provoke a tear or two ♥

thank you to you all for your posts! i think they have put my mind in a better place before i start work today. i think you are right about the momma bear. niky tries so hard to hold on to every last bit of her dad, she is so much like him , beautiful smile that came straight from her dad. (Wish i could figure out how to post a picture with my profile) . love the tshirt saying (isn't it funny how God gives us things before we know we are going to need them). Mammie - bobby loves kids and we cannot pass anyone's that he does not want to stop and watch them!
Nikki -thank you for the reminder of the wonderful people we do have in our lives or have just passed through for a few brief moments .what a wonderful memory!! I do love the people that you know are truely trying to take the time to understand his words. there is still some much thought behind them. Bobby would never pass up the chance to help someone else. i cannot tell you the transmissions we have had to replace in our four wheel drives for the beach to help others get out that were stuck, or the times we have stopped along the road to help people broken down just because "that is what you do" bobby would say.
Charlotte-i always try to never tell anyone how bad things are without ending in how blessed we are by God, last night i should have prayed for those people instead of venting (but it happens).Our blessing are many!!! and there has to be worse things then this. love , prayers and blessings to you all today also!

Dinosaurs walk among us.

Ignoramous - a life form that takes up about as much space as we do but has no idea what is going on in that space and is certain they don't need to. If they have a thought it is a fact and if they don't like something it is not. Spot this species by the look of suprise on their face.

Freakasauros - indistinguishable from an ignoramous until they open their mouth. Unpredictable behaviour combined with outlandish ideas is the common trait. Sitting in the house with an arsenal waiting to show the government and stocking up because the world's going to end (again) this time in 2012 are two examples of how to spot this species.

Tyrannousaurus Wreck - the moulting state of Freakasauros, easy to spot when they blow up buildings or cut off their penises so they'll be able to get on the space ship.

Velocity Raptures - short lived species buttressed by numbers like mourning doves they love everybody and are suspicious of no one. While consuming other lifeforms it never occurs to them that they too are on the menu.

I may have drained that. The restaurant thing is upsetting. The problem is that we know they're being rude but saying we don't like how they're looking at us doesn't sound good when we make an issue of their ignorant behaviour. "They were staring at us." True but you're not going to sound good pointing it out.

I would deal with this in my typical feminine way. I would stare at the dominant person in that group and ask louder than necessary and with a tone that suggests I could kill them all with my left hand, "Do you have a problem?" And then stare at them until they answer.

When they start shuffling that they don't know what I'm talking about I would lower my voice one half step and never releasing eye contact I would say "I've got an idea. Why don't you stare somewhere else for a minute?"

Everybody else that wasn't an Ignoramous would know what's going on. I would. I've shut them down and signalled to everybody else I'm already done with this conflict. (the truth is of course I'd be controlling myself and would have to sudiously pick up my fork again. Conflict is conflict. It creates adrenaline.)

The real answer is let them stare. People in wheelchairs or who have a bad speech impediment learn early that either the great unwashed around us take our lives from us or we fight for it. Some people are ignorant. Those people are scattered everywhere. They are irrelevant because when I go into the restaurant I already know that some people will stare when Dianne mangles her food and acts weird. She IS acting weird. They're not wrong. The point is neither that nor they matter. I am here to eat and what someone else is wearing is not an issue for me.

Nikki's story illustrates beautifully that wonderful people are out there in the same numbers and Charlotte's experiences show that we can overcome despite what other people did to us.

I keep coming back to Pollyanna (you never know where you'll find the truths). "If you look for the good in people you will surely find it. And if you look for the bad in people you will surely find it." It isn't actually about them.

Donna, this is definitely hard to deal with; but what I have found lately is that for every "ignoramus" out there who can think of nothing better to do than stare, there are 2 or 3 people who will look at you and your spouse, and seeing that you are clearly helping him/her; they will smile with an understanding in their eyes....like they actually "get it"! I have actually had people come up to us and offer to help if they notice us struggling with something. So don't stay home or stop doing something you both enjoy just because of "the looks" .... the reactions of others are not your problem...unless they become rude, then you have every right to educate them in whatever way you see fit! I too enjoyed reading about Nikki's experience; and Charlotte, that is a good philosopy to subscribe to! Wolf, as usual, your wit is quite amazing!

I can't decide if we have been lucky or I am oblivious. We go out a lot and I have never noticed anybody staring. I have found kindness whenever I needed it. We have been lucky.

Grannywhiskers, we live in an apartment building. Everybody knows us and knows about Gord. That works most of the time but as I said there have been several times that all my watch dogs were foiled. Still, it is a wonderful help.

Jan