Okay, I've tried to dilute the wine, can't do anything about the beer, and can't dilute every bottle of wine. DH (I'm beginning to think of him as Satan) starts drinking around 3-3:30 and continues until after dinner. At least 3/week we get into a disagreement about his drinking which results in him becoming a mute and, when he allows himself to actually take a look in my direction, well, if looks could kill. I'm getting real tired of this constantly being a hot issue. I'm thinking about telling him to go ahead and drink himself silly, BUT, I will no longer have anything alcoholic to drink with him and I will only buy so much alcohol and no more - when it's gone, it's gone. I think there would be full out war if I threatened him with me not buying any alcohol at all. Also, I'm wondering, what are the long term effects on a AD victim overindulging in alcohol. Can't find anything concrete on web, only that it's not advisable. I'm just so tired of having this as a constant issue.
mothert, any disease combined with drinking cant be a good combination. esp if hes alcoholic. if he drinks that many hrs a day it may be hes got more than just a social drinking issue. maybe consulting with his dr about the excessive alchohol and how to go about eliminating it would be practical since AD and drinking dont mix. anything that dulls the senses more would more than likely exacerbate the problems. and theres always the issues of him becoming more and more aggressive while drinking. i know not everyone feels the same but many of us have had to tackle head on alot of unpleasant issues. for me personally, the only way for me was to take the bull by the horns so to speak and make it happen. if the drinking is becoming a problem its time to find a way to eliminate it, whether he agrees or not. maybe not 'cold turkey' if hes a drinker, but little by little. like you say a certain amount of one beverage say beer and nothing else. no hard liquor or wine. and not participating in a glass with him may be a good idea to start to wean his addictions to it. it may be a good idea to ask his dr about how to go about it as maybe the dr can add a medicine for behaviour control if he gets nasty about it. hope you find a way to ease the situation mothert if hes aggressive and you are scared stay away from the house. the behaviour can escalate without provocation and can turn very bad quickly. ask someone to intervene and take care.
okay, so now he's totally enraged, wants a divorce, calling me names, and I called his daughter and asked her to call her father; which she just did. My goodness, you'd never know what a lunatic he just was, all sweet and nice. I've left the house and walked to the park for a good cry. I really think I want a divorce, his behavior is escalating and I dont think I can handle this long term; I've never seen him so irrational and out of control-very scary.I
mothert.....there are medications out there that will make you sick as a dog if you drink. Don't know what they are called but you might research it. If he pukes every time he drinks it might get him to stop. My DH just goes to sleep when he drinks....no problem with that. Gives me more ME time.
I wonder though if that sort of aversion therapy (that's what it's called—the drugs that cause an averse reaction to alcohol, leading to a loss of desire to drink it,) would work on someone who is memory impaired?
mothert...this has got to be so difficult for you, I am sorry you have to go through this! I do agree with divvi's suggestions. Does your DH have a close relationship with his daughter? Would she be willing and able to help intervene for/with you?
Maybe I can help. I've been down this road and still traveling it so to speak. Believe me I have tried everything. It's a whole chapter in a book so I'll just skip to what I have learned.
I have tried the pills that are suppose to curb appetite for alcohol..... I have tried to have no alcohol in the house...... I have threatened neighbors.... I have fought tooth and nail till I said "I give up" I can't fight the world.
He eventually was put on seroquel....... In the back of my mind I remember reading some saying that when their LO was put on this drug the desire to drink was gone.
Well it is true...... I have a bottle of vodka in the house... half water..... he makes a drink now and than but rarely drinks it. He said it just doesn't even sound good. He has a beer now and then but only to quench his thirst on a hot day.
The doctor gave it to him for regular AD issues but it seems to have other effects that are a plus too.
Oh my husband is 55 diagnosed with EOAD. I'd guess stage 4/5
I just looked up the side effects of Seroquel and it said specifically that it was not to be used for dementia patients because of ..... I will talk to the doctor about it, though. I wonder about Resperodil (sp?), I hear it discussed on this site a lot??
I eventually came home last night around 11:00 pm, he was very loving, absolutely refused to believe that he had acted so aggressively toward me, his sweetie (hah) and that was the end of it last night - I went to bed. This morning, he just got up, and is in a characteristically not wonderful mood. I'm wondering how/if I should approach him on the drinking issue or not. I know that I must take all of the liquor out of the house because he cannot control himself when it's around and then we have episodes like last night. I tried to open the garage door this morning and found that he had disabled the door last night (funny the things they can do when THEY want to do it - when I ask him to do anything it takes him forever to get it done and most of the time it doesn't get done unless I do it) - he probably won't remember how to make it work again. Anyway, I'm not looking forward much to another day with him, I don't even want to talk to him.
I'm also wondering if this isn't the start of a new and difficult stage for him. I have read other posts from you all and Joan about their husbands being very aggressive and sometimes dangerous and wondered when/if we would go into that. It seems like maybe we have arrived - Oh Joy! How long does that last?
He woke up in a combative mood but wanted to talk about last night. Of course, he doesn't want to hear anything about his drinking, his disease, his behavior (which he laughs off), thinks we should get divorced and go our separate ways. I ask him what that looks like and, you know, then I ask myself "what are you doing, this man is incapable of any rational thought?". So, here I am, wondering what to do and what happens now? Living with an 81 year old toddler with very bad behavior.
My DH was drinking one or two drinks a night. Sometimes he forget he had one and poured another. Then suddenly, he did not like the taste of any alcoholic drinks or tea. He was also going through a tough time with pains in hands and legs. He was diagnosed with neuropathy and is on medication for that and for anxiety. Now, he can't drink at all, but I have not told him that. I had been adding water to his brandy bottle before he gave it up. When he was drinking he would get upset with me if I suggested he had too much. The thing about AD is that behaviors change as they move from one stage to another.
mothert, I was shocked when I read the warnings on the Seroquel med after I picked it up from the pharmacy, (especially since it said not to be given to dementia patients) but I knew that others here used it & I was almost desperate so I forged ahead & gave it to him. He gets 25mg at night & it helped with the anger & aggression & it helps him sleep.. As we all know finding the right med is usually by trial & error since what works for one doesn’t necessarily works for another, but this works for us.
The Seroquel warning on giving it to dementia patients is that it may increase the risk of death. Since it works well in many cases, and since dementia is a terminal disease, most caregivers decide that the small risk of a somewhat earlier death is more than made up for by the controlling of the anger and aggression. I haven't needed anything like that, yet, but if the time comes, I will not hesitate to use it.
I was lucky in this area as Lynn never had a drink in his whole life. The downside is he didn't drink because his father was a raging alcoholic. For almost 2 years he was stuck in the memories he suffered at his father's drunken hand. It was heartbreaking to witness :(
I did send an email to dh's doctor and suggested Seroquel after relating the aggression due to the drinking. The doctor suggested that the drinking may be caused by depression and suggested that I double the Celexa and see how it works out. If this doesn't do the trick, he wants us back-in to tackle the drinking issue (not sure what that means). I did give dh a double dose of Celexa today and then I left for a few hours. When I came back home he seemed to be back to normal. Now, I know that it took about 30 days for the affects of this drug to take place to begin with, so I'm thinking doubling the dose should also take some time to accomplish. However, he was back to normal early this afternoon.
Fast forward to dinner and I did notice that he had opened a bottle of wine and drank a small amount in a juice glass (he's been drinking small amounts of wine this way for a while now since I started to get on his case about his drinking - I think so I wouldn't notice that he was already drinking wine.). He didn't start drinking at 3 today, he waited until around 5. I decided to have dinner an hour earlier thinking this would eliminate another hour of him drinking because he usually stops drinking after dinner AND I told him I had a headache when he asked if I wanted a drink. So, the upshot is he only had another half juice glass of wine and that was it. A very pleasant evening after. So,the new routine will be earlier dinner and I will continue to find excuses not to drink with him and a double dose of Celexa and I will keep you all posted. Phew! Sure have to be on your toes to find ways to survive these storms!
mothert--my husband took both Celexa and Seroquel. They do different things--Celexa is an anti-depressant and Seroquel is an anti-psychotic. If aggressive behavior continues, it is the anti-psychotics that are prescribed to curb it.
Mothert, that seems to be a good strategy. I think that the double dose of Celexa would kick in right away, since the body had already got used to the medication.
Mary 75 - are you our resident nurse at AS? It never occurred to me that his drinking might be caused by depression; I hope it's that simple. I got another email from his office today telling me that if his drinking continues I will have to confront him. That made me smile. I wrote back that I had confronted him about his drinking, hence, the bad behavior AND that this 81 year old man has AD and is not capable of a rational response. I don't think these people have the slightest clue about AD behaviors.
So far, so good. Today went well for us, no issues at all. He had a glass of wine tonight which I didn't mention. We had another early dinner outside and when I said no to a glass of wine, he abstained too. I'm holding my breath. Next week we take a little vacation with daughter Gina and SIL and 2 grandchildren. We'll be going to a golf resort and all of us staying in a 2 bdrm suite at the Lodge (DD is in the travel business and gets huge discounts on very nice accommodations). Anyway, everybody loves to drink, but they are all aware of how it's been affecting papa and we'll see how that goes - they've promised to keep it down and not drink until dinner - as I said, we'll see.
I thank you all for your responses to my issue here - I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to hop on my little puter and pour out my heart to folks who "get it" and are so very generous with experience and ideas. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll be back, I'm sure. Maybe one day I'll be able to help one of you.
Mother that is wonderful news! I hope it continues to go smoothly for you, and best of luck on your vacation. I hope someone offers to look after your husband so you are able to enjoy a little "me time" :)
This resort, we have all been to before together. Last year we discovered the "Water Slide". The grandkids had a hard time beating TT (that's what they call me) up the stairs to go down those slides over and over again - most fun I've had in years. Totally looking forward to doing that again lots next week.
Nikki, is Lynn still with you? That story about his father is so sad. I guess as my dh's disease progresses I will probably find out a lot about his life that I never knew.
TT, I like the nickname :) I had to place Lynn in a nursing home over two years ago, was the hardest thing I ever did... but the best thing I could have done for him. He is thriving of late, so nice to see after years of total destruction. He is late stage, so when I say thriving I don't mean he is getting better; I mean that he is doing better than he was last year at this time. He went from being lost in a blank stare 90% of the time, to now being able to talk, laugh, read some and express himself enough so I can understand him. He is happy, and that makes me happy ♥
Ahhhhhh TT, our journey was riddled with heartache and too much pain; we were both locked in our own private hell. It seems so long ago now, a lifetime ago…… For him the most difficult times were in the earlier stages when he knew something was wrong with him. Lord how heartbreaking that was to witness. Then later he became fixated, trapped in the hell that was his childhood.
One always hears that Alzheimer’s victims hold onto their long term memories the longest, as I found out, that isn’t always a good thing. Lynn was beat every time his father came home drunk and that was almost daily. When he grew older and stronger his father would beat him until Lynn was forced to fight back. Though I knew of his father’s abuse, I still wasn’t prepared for how terrified Lynn was, it was like he was reliving his hell every day…. This went on for close to two years… I doubt I will ever be able to forget the look of stark terror I saw reflected in Lynn’s beautiful eyes. *tears*
I am so sorry to hear that dreadful tale of Lynn's childhood - alcohol is so destructive. I guess the most common comment would be "where was the mother?". Of course, I know that she was probably terrified of the father, as well. This world is unfortunately full of wicket people and, I know, the stories always have long histories into the childhoods of each generation. So sad. My dh has only great things to say about his parents and childhood and he still has quite a few friends who grew up (literally) with him and knew his parents and speak very highly of them to this day. Now, life with his first wife is another story.
I can think back and realize that Herb (my hubby) was showing signs of this disease for nearly 10 years; the past 5 years have been impossible to ignore and the past 2 have been a rapid decline in his short term memory, poor eyesight, poor behavior, no ability to concentrate, etc. All the early stage stuff. Lately, he's been hitting the bottle too heavy and becoming belligerent, etc., especially as I have tried to control his drinking. After talking to his doctor I have doubled his Celexa and changed around our dinner schedule and refuse to drink with him at all (of course I make up excuses for my not drinking, but the result is the same, he doesn't drink as much without a buddy to drink with). Still, I sense a change coming and I think my honeymoon with this disease (if there is one) may soon be coming to an end. I'm going to actively seek outside help so that he will be ok with someone when the time comes that I can no longer leave him alone at all. It's good to have friends to discuss this life with as you are really the only ones who understand. Thanks!
An drinking alcoholic is horrible and the next worst is a 'dry' alcoholic which my dad was. With my oldest sister, his by his first marriage, he was out on the road driving and came home to beat her. I found this out just before she died. I always wondered why she never came to visit him. I thought it was cause my mom was the same age as her but it was because of what he did to her as a child. Mothert you ask where was mom? My mom would be gone when he beat me. She knew it was going on, but choose not to deal with it. To this day, even though he was standing right there, my brother who is just a year older does not remember it. In counseling I found out this is common.
For a 'normal' brain alcohol is bad, for our men's damaged brains it is even worse. Alcohol kills brain cells for one and with their brain dying anyway, they don't need to help it along. If you can't stop the drinking, I would meet with his doctor and have a plan in place in case the violence escalates. Your safety, both physically and mentally is more important than his getting what he wants.