John and I met long before we fell in love, so we were friends for years. He's always been a special person, full of life and fun. He has never met a stranger and will talk to anyone. We have now been together 20 years. I can't imagine my life without him even with AD. He is still the devoted husband who tells me everyday how much he loves me and he wouldn't want to be without me. Even though I was married before, I didn't know what deep romantic love was until John. I'm glad we still have that love and connection even though AD has robbed us of the future we planned.

I relate very much to the problem of missing one's best friend.
I have never been one to have many close friends at one time, and after my high school/college years I could count about 4 people as close enough that I still keep in contact with them. (Luckily, my family is close.) So, this is to say that I do not connect deeply, often or easily. So finding and connecting so well with Jeff was a rare and special thing. I was 21 and he was 35, and it was never an issue. He just went into that maverick, single stage post-college and stayed there longer than most people.

Having him as the person with whom I could talk, in depth, about anything and with real enjoyment made for a very privileged 20 years--a two decade window of having someone to share life with that did not exist prior to that, and which is unlikely to occur again.

We've got 3 excellent girls who are now 21, 19, and 17, and a unique, creative, and stubborn 15 year old son. As Jeff's affliction came on slowly and subtley, they have never had to deal with suddenly finding themselves with only one competent parent...they've kind of grown into it.

I'm working on re-becoming that single, self-sufficient individual I was pre-Jeff...back in the days when I related to Simon and Garfunkel's "I am a Rock." (Though it's my distinct recollection that that girl really, really wanted the kind of relationship I eventually found with Jeff. But she managed, as I will manage now.)

Jeff is still doing pretty well. As only people who have experienced this can understand, those less "publicly-detectable" changes that occur in the early stages change the nature of the relationship in fundamental ways, but we can do stuff, he can enjoy stuff, he doesn't need "care," per se, it's just that I'm in charge of everything.
I'm going to live with the illusion that we'll just remain on this plateau until I'm forced to admit otherwise.

Hello all, Larry and I have been married almost 22 years. We met at his sisters home when I was visiting with my mother..I was ending a very abusive marriage and we found each other in what I call a God thing...
I had 2 boys 2 and 3 was pregnant with my third child about 4 months along. We began to see each other after months. We were married a year later..
He has been the father of my children ever since. Taught them about being honest, about commitment, about unconditional love, as our oldest son said one day "oh mom what will we do when superman doesn't know who we are especially you momma"? Well, I told him I know he will always know in his heart who I am even if he is unsure of my face...Larry is going to be 54 this year and he is slipping in ways most people would not understand..But, we take each day and thank God that he gave us all these years...We are buying the thing we planned to buy for our 25th anniversary now, as I figure he may not enjoy his HDTV flat screen latter...We take little rides in the truck eat subway sandwhiches watching the river, we watch the programs on TV that he is sure he has never seen and I smile and say wasn't that a good one...OK I figure that I will never know someone again who has loved me as much or as deep again. I have decided that when he is gone I will then take some trips we planned to do but he can not now. He will be with me, he will be with our grandchildren when they are born in the future. He will be apart of the stories of how he saved our family and showed us that we were worth loving. Renee

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I've had to work alot of extra hours lately. I checked in today and saw this string. I wanted to add mine and Robert's story to it.

Our story really starts back years before we ever met. I was about 14 - not popular. I used to get so down and wonder why in the world guys just weren't in to me. I finally decided to pray about it. I didn't like obsessing about it. So I told God that I would not worry about boyfriends or the lack thereof, if He would tell me when I meet the one He has planned for me. Now fastforward about 7 years...

My family had just moved to Kentucky and had been visiting the area churches trying to find our church home. We visited First Baptist and they had 4 people get up and sing a song that these people had performed when they were in the youth group at the church. Robert was one of them. I took one look at him and it was as if someone sat down next to me on the pew and said Leighanne, that's the one. That's the one I've chosen for you. It kind of freaked me out. From that point on, I set out to find out who Robert was, how old he was, etc...

My family joined the church and we began going to Sunday School. When I went into the college and careers class, there was Robert. His sister and brother in-law taught the class and it didn't take them long to play match makers. After a couple of months, Robert got the nerve up to ask me out and the rest is history. We've been married for over 15 years. We have 2 great kids.

Sometimes, I wonder just "who" it was that spoke to me that day. I wonder how can this be what God has chosen for me. Now, I tend to think that it wasn't so much that Robert was chosen for me, but rather I was chosen for him. However it went, the good has far outweighed the bad. I'm a better person for having been married to Robert. I wouldn't go back and change anything.

Leighanne

Written last Year:

Today is our anniversary - married 20 years and together 22+. It is both second marriages for each of us. We've been through fires (house), floods and topical storms (Isaac). Now we are dealing with Alzheimer’s. We are on vacation at the moment in Marco Island. It's been a good trip. My husband is doing well, I am too. I am writing this today to share some happiness.

We too often focus on the dark side of what we are all going through. My sister was here with is last week and she said to me "I can't believe how patient you are." This terrible disease has taught me patience but more than that it has shown me what love truly is. We've had a wonderful time together and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The wonderful times are not over.

A gypsy once told me "You will find love in a house." We built our house together. I walk around it and see all the things in it that bring back wonderful memories of trips and times we've spent together. We’ve shared many adventures both in traveled places and in our lives. Pictures reflect births and birthdays and disasters and deaths. We always had our arms around each other.
My grandmother told me when I was little at a funeral - "our bodies are just our houses here on earth. When we pass, we just move on to a different house in heaven." Maybe what the gypsy was saying was you can only find love within your self - your own self/house, only then will you know and accept love.

Alzheimer’s. I've accepted my husband's reality now and still feel lucky to have truly experienced love with him in my life. All we truly have is each day. I choose it to be filled with love.
Each night our ritual is for one to say: “I love you a bushel and a peck” Then the other: “And a hug around the neck”. Together we say “Yes I do, yes I do.”

I wish a little laughter and a few moments of feeling loved to each of you struggling somewhere. The journey may be long and the path difficult to climb, but love will be your strength with God’s blessing.

I knew my dh all my life I guess although the first I remember him is in first grade. Our fathers had jobs in the oil fields but with different companies so our early childhood was very similar. His two sisters and two of my sisters and one brother all graduated in the same class. These were depression years and there were times school was not possible because of finances but both our parents kept them in school when they could and they did graduate. Sometimes I forget how lucky I was to never have to really worry about attending school.
Our families moved to different towns when we were in 4th grade because the oil fields were closing and the jobs once again weren't there. My father worked then for an aircraft manufacturing company and Frank's family moved to a farm. We didn't keep in touch after moving although we lived only a few miles apart we went to different schools. Fast forward to high school and we dated a couple of times but were just friends. After graduation we both moved to a larger town; I was employed and Frank was attending a technical school when we dated again. I had been writing to a guy in the Air Force stationed in Japan and thought we were serious but when Frank called for a date I accepted. There was an attraction right from the beginning and after only three months we decided to marry. The AF guy came home that summer and I gave his ring back. I never heard about him again - he may have been relieved. ;-)
Frank was drafted just a little over a year later and after basic we could live off base. Our first baby, a girl, was still born we had our first son just a little over a year later. After army days he returned to his job our second son was born three years later. Frank decided to attend college full time so we moved to a university town. It was a busy time for him but he was successful in getting his degree which allowed him to go into the profession he was interested in. He was employed immediately after college and had a career he enjoyed. When he was established in a job we adopted our daughter. His job required some travel and after our children were on there own I went along on many trips. We had similar interests and loved going anyplace. After retirement we had season tickets for the football games at the university; took our 5th wheel and spent the fall there. Winters we liked going to the coast for a month. We traveled in our 5th wheel and saw every state except N. Dakota also Alaska and Hawaii- don't know why we never got to that last state. Illness (Hodgkin Lymphoma)had been his enemy for many years so all was not sunshine and roses but he was a fighter and managed to recover from many bad times. But a series of strokes became the enemy he could not overcome. His was not a long journey but a sad one once VaD set in. He died peacefully at home with our three children and three grandchildren nearby. He always knew us but had long since forgot where we lived always wanted to go home.
We were very compatible, he was my rock and I'm still a leaf floating in this big ocean since he isn't here. I am thankful for all we had together . My children say they never heard any arguments or angry words between us. We didn't always agree, of course, but managed to settle it quietly. Never went to sleep angry which was advice given us by the minister when we married at age 18 & 19. We were fortunate to have had 60 years 6 months.

I was on school break with my parents at the same resort where they met. A young man who had worked at the resort while in college was also on break from the army. We met and I told my parents that this was the person I would someday marry. We carried on a long courtship via the mail. This was long before internet. Finally his army stint was over. He drove through the night to get to my grandparent's house to meet the family. He fell asleep on the sofa. Valentine's Day arrived. We planned a dinner at a restaurant we couldn't afford (I was still in school and his first job out of college netted $28,000/yr). When we were seated he presented me with a very corny card. Tucked inside was a small box with the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. That was in the year 1959. Thirteen months later we had our fairy tale wedding. Bill treated me like a princess all of our lives together. We loved each other until the monster stole him. It is four years since he left this world. I'm fine. The good memories are finally coming back and I am happy again.

Everyone has stories. Events that were special; others that were sad or traumatic. but it seems that most often, the stories are good—any twists apropos. Skiing/the broken leg; wedding stories/drama about the dress. Nearly every time I have had a story, it always has a different kind of twist. Our marriage story is no different-- -it’s different.
If you were to list things brides and grooms should have in common, we would have never qualified. Education—he had maybe an early elementary school education; I had a Master’s Degree. Birth Order position: both of us were First born Disabilities: He was significantly Broad spectrum Learning Disabled; I have a slowly progressive physical disability.
None the less we met on Sunday, Feb. 10th and after 2 highly concentrated days of courting, discussing, etc. he proposed and I said ”Yes”. Sometimes you just know. We married August 31, Labor Day weekend. I returned to work and Ron took care of the house, the cooking, the car—all that. He occasionally picked up short jobs—paint a house, scrub down a restaurant kitchen after hours. We did so many things together, each helping the other, making so much possible. Rustic camping; he taught me to shoot my 22 and took me small game hunting. He took me along bow hunting—I helped watch. Ice fishing didn’t work out as well. I don’t think he appreciated it when immediately after telling me he was going to change my minnow “because you can’t catch fish on a dead one”, I pulled in the largest fish of the night. We never did that again. When our daughter was born he was there. When it was time for the big push, I started, but about ½ way, as I grabbed more air I told him to “push” too. He increased his supportive pressure on my shoulders a little, but I pulled strength from him and she was born, squalling. Six weeks later I returned to work and he was Mr. Mom. When she was nearly 3, she began Day Care and he landed a 3rd shift job. In 1983 we bought a house. Both of us working only continued until June 1984 when I stopped working and applied for Disability. The Disability’s progression was limiting my ability to be a full time worker, and wife, mom, and homemaker. The role reversal we’d perfected was finally reversed. There were so many funny things that happened because of our role reversal. One of the funniest happened both times we went car shopping. We’d go to a dealership and look around. When we found what we were looking for a sales person would approach us and pitch all the info to Ron. After all, I picked out the color and the extra features. Then as we would head to the salesman’s Office, Ron would veer off saying, “I’m getting some coffee, talk to her.” I’d ask question and the salesman would collect himself and we’d make our deal. Doing the paperwork and financial stuff was “my job”. Lol
In 1988 a Mental Breakdown changed everything. Now my very Learning Disabled Husband also had a Mental Illness which caused him to receive input from his environment inaccurately and respond to it inappropriately. I became his Caregiver. At first it wasn’t too bad because he was still able to function pretty well at a less demanding level—not working. His condition slowly worsened. A crisis in 2006 hospitalized him and in the process of adjusting his meds. he was tested and we had another new Diagnosis—Vascular Dementia. Back in 1988 when the mental Illness was diagnosed, he was given a prescription and was to return in 2weeks. I was told to call if we had problems. At the 2 week mark when we reported in, the Dr.said, “This is not the right med for him. Why didn’t you call when you had all these problems?” My answer was, “never having dealt with this situation and med before, how was I to know we were “having problems?” Similarly, after his VaD was Dxd, I was asked when it onset? I still have no real clue. There were dementia issues in notes I sent the Dr.in 2004, but I didn’t know that until years later. Dxd at the beginning of Stage 5, and already dealing with 2 major problems to do with brain processing, how would I have recognized the Dementia? The Doctors didn’t.
It probably sounds weird to say, but at the end we were blessed that a new condition took hold. Aortic Stenosis took over and because of the advanced Dementia, it couldn’t be fixed. His strength faded, and he needed to rest more and more. Finally, just as the Dr. had told me, he laid down to rest and just stopped. No pain, no trauma. We were spared the extended process of a Dementia Death. As I told others then, “He’s well and safe and I’m okay” Can’t do much better than that...