My Cobra also expires at the end of September. We were "wealthy" but of course not anymore. The attorney I talked to (elder care) told me that I needed to initiate divorce to save my property. Hard to initiate divorce when you won't have a roof over your head. Medicaid finds everything. If I divorce him (and stay with him), they will take the (previously) marital residence to pay for his care. I've got to take a break from all this. It is so screwed up, and I'm the only one thinking about what will happen to us.
YES we do need a different health care system in this country. This is crazy.
Blueskies, stay in touch. Thanks for the heads up on Washington. If I divorce him, I guess they can take his house for care. This is all so upside down. I wouldn't be his spouse, and no longer entitled to live there.
This is scary. One has to get divorced! I thought marriage was "for better or worse". OMG what is this world coming too? So people with AZ live 10-20 years, when should one decide to divorce?
Rae Ann, you do NOT have to get divorced!!! Calm down, take a deep breath, and look for those threads that Jane answered. The regs are a little complicated, you'll need a qualified attorney to help, but you'll be okay.
Rae Ann, few seem to go the divorce route. Val's situation is different from yours. As Sunshyne said, you need a qualified attorney to help you. Some spouses only live 4 or 5 years; some live 10-20 years. We have no way of knowing. Some of us are working full time and letting our spouses stay at home as long as they are not endangering themselves by doing so. I come home for lunch and make sure he's okay and feed him, and if he goes into the yard, our neighbors keep an eye on him. He's not a wanderer, yet I have a cell phone that has Chaperone on it to signal me on my cell phone should he go more than a couple of blocks from the house, just in case. There are a lot of organizations in most cities that have paid help or volunteers that will come to your home and be "male companions" for those who don't like the term "nurses" or "caregivers" to your husband so that you can continue to work. If your husband is a disabled vet, they have vet day care available. You have a lot of options for the various stages of this disease, so after you read through the discussions hopefully you can discover what stage your DH is in at the moment.
My DH does not qualify for any VET Benefits. I've gone that route already. I do work full time and I have Meals on Wheels deliver him a lunch every day. DH forgets to eat if it is not in front of him. Leaving it in the frig does't help either. Just got a call from his local MD, his blood sugar was down to 63 at 3:30 in the afternoon. Don't know what normal Blood Sugar is, but he suggest "Boost" once in the morning and again in the afternoon.
I have a Duriable Power of Attorney, HIPPA and medial POA. I got that immediatly after finding out he had this disease.
My concern right now and let me add I live in CA. Everything is considered Community Property. Not sure about putting the house in my name only at this point, but when should one do this? I need some direction. I can' t afford to keep going to lawyers. We are by no means "rich". The lawyer fee's hourly fees cost more than what I make in 2 days working full time. Rae Ann
ask the alz chapter in your area for a referral to 'legal aide' or probono work from a recommended atty? they wont charge you for consultation, or you can call the california bar assoc and ask for a referral for a free consult and state your reasons and they may connect you as well. you do need qualified input for you particular situation. divvi
Welcome to my website. You will find much support and information here. We are all swimming in the same boat, and understand each other like no one else could.
According to our resident expert, Jane, it is NOT necessary to divorce your spouse. Unfortunately, I cannot find the discussion in which she laid out all of the particulars. If you hit "search" at the top of this page, you can usually find previous discussions on what you are looking for. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to isolate that exact thread. If she sees this discussion, I am sure she will respond, but she is going through an extremely rough emotional patch right now, so in the meantime, contact a Certified Elder Law Attorney. Most of them will give you an initial consultation for FREE. Find one that will, but make sure they areCERTIFIED IN ELDER LAW. It makes a big difference in their knowledge and expertise.
Rae Ann, there is state law, and then there is federal law. Federal law supersedes state law. California is a community property state with regard to family law -- that is, marriage and divorce, custody of children, etc. Many of the relevant laws are PROBATE law, not family, and are governed by Federal law.
I think what you need is a good elder law attorney. I've learned, the hard way, to look for attorneys who SPECIALIZE in exactly the area you need, and who are CERTIFIED in their areas of specialty. So try googling for "name of city where you live" "certified elder law". This pulled up a bunch for my city. Look for lawyers who focus on Elder and Disability Law, and asset preservation.
Contact three or four that look good to you. Typically, they will agree to a free initial consultation. Most give you a half hour, many give you an hour. Have a list of your questions and concerns ready when you go, to get the most out of your meeting.
Consider this meeting to be an interview, to see if you want to hire them -- if they can explain things clearly to you, if they listen to you, if they seem knowledgeable. You are NOT obligated to retain anyone just because you met with them. Talk to several before making your choice. (This also helps you learn more about your own, individual situation and what alternatives you have.)
The Alzheimer's Association gave me names of cerified elder law attorneys. Most of them come to speak to their groups for free. My consultation was free.
Things got rough financially as far as medical was concerned before Lloyd passed away. To date, I have no health care. I lost it in 2011 when I quit work to care for him. I requested an application from Medicaid and received it with a cover letter stating that they could take the house to recoup their "losses". So, I said "screw it" and threw the application in the trash. Now I need to go out and get a job to pay the over $7000 in medical bills, BUT they will never touch my house. Getting widow's SS, a little pension from him, and a smaller pension from the first husband gets me by, but I need to work to pay these bills, get some work done on the house, and get my credit repaired to get another car. Still, I would not have it any other way. My inheritance from my mom was spent adding onto the house and doing things with him (3 trips to Florida), funeral arrangements, getting our teeth fixed, and being home 24/7 with him. I would not have done it any other way. This gov't is screwy. We worked all our lives. There were times I worked 3 jobs to get by and then those that never worked a day in their lives get it all for free and no expectations of recouping it. How can that be?!?
Wow! Up here in my province they take 80% of his taxable income/pension to go into LTC. Veterans pension isn't taxable so they won't touch it and veterans affairs will pay his whole cost in LTC. 9 days in respite cost me $183.00. ADP is $15 per day. Home care which I think is covered by veterans but if it isn't is $15 per/hr. They don't go after saving or our home but I have been told that this is going to change so am now taking steps to put my assets some place that is safe.
In my province it is $1987.99 for a semi sharing only the bathroom and $2047.00 for a private. That is what I have to pay out of my pocket. They said there is something called " involuntary separation" that keeps me from being left destitute. I have to be able to live in the life style I was accustomed to. I'll believe this when I see the paper work when he moves into LTC. There are different levels of cost for older residences compared to brand new ones. We have chosen a municipally run one as all the funds go back into the home compared to a private one that has share holders that will want their money upfront. This one is a well run LTC and he loved it when he went there for respite. They have longterm staff and the newest one has been there for twenty-five years. After they retire ,many come back to volunteer.