I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog. There have been many questions about hiring aides, and many discussions on the boards about it. I invite you to read the blog and post comments here. Please tell us your experiences and any words of wisdom you can give us.
I heartily agree with you. We have an aide from an agency who is perfect for my DH. My sole reason for getting her is to give me a break. She comes and I leave. I have learned I can trust her (DH tried to "pay" her and she discreetly handed me the money when I got home), she will do laundry, baking, and whatever I ask, but most importantly, she knows how to handle DH and when to back off from pushing him too hard. He seems to like her and gets the 2 of us mixed up at times. 2 ladies who live 2 doors down hire their own aides (24 hour care) and have had good and bad ones. Next door to her the lady hired from a different agency than what I am using and got a couple of good ones and one who was just waiting around for her to die so she could ask the family for several "good" things that were dear to her. In case you see a pattern here....we live on a dead end street with 8 houses. At any given time there are at least half of them with aides! I never understood how you handle the SS and medical if you hire an aide yourself.....or do you just pay them and let them handle the rest?
The RN came today with the young woman who will be staying with my DH starting 11 July. This is an agency recently started here and the RN is partners with a woman who's father had AD. The RN took care of her father and another friends husband so he is well recommended. The young woman will clean bathrooms and do windows which are the main things I need help with plus keep DH company until I get home. She will be here for 4 hours on the 11th so I will let you know how it works out. I feel comfortable with the arrangements but it all depends on how DH takes it. I was planning on having her every Monday but if he starts fighting it I may have to have her every other week.
Our help is provided through DH's Medicaid Waiver and I qualify under our County's Senior Millage so the administrating Agency contracts it. We really lucked out with DH's helper--with us since Nov. 2006. When I finally qualified (have to be a Senior) it was a bit more challenging. My first helper was instructionally challenged and retained none of it. My second helper liked to sit, and even worked on her checkbook for 1/2 an hour, on my time. I only get 4hrs. a week. 3rd try was the charm. Since DH's helper is here 12 hrs a week, he does the grocery shopping from the list I organize, runs laundry, cleans, mops, etc. and helps DH with shower. My helper helps me shower and shamopoo, changes my bed linen, does some housecleaning and some cooking. I try not to have them dupicate, but rather augment each others efforts. Because DH knows them, and is cooperative with them, I try if at all possible to have them do my respite hours too.
Even with agencies, you do have to do some trial and error sometimes to get a good fit.
joan, this is a timely topic for me since the aide we've had for 2.5 years is on a 2 week vacation and I was very concerned who the agency would send to replace him. Our past experience with the agency providing competent replacements has been quite bad. There seems to be several issues/factors regarding hiring aides. DH's LTC ins requires we deal with an agency which they have to approve before benefits will be paid; so no "direct hires" otherwise they will not pay. According to the agency, the reason they cannot guarantee a specific person(s) as substitutes is that all aides want/need to work full-time and if they get a ft position before and/or during their replacement assignment, they take it and frequently the agency has no one to meet the specifications to replace them. Fortunately the aide we have as a sub is great and was the aide they had originally wanted for this assignment but he was traveling in Europe when the assignment began. Yes, I agree, it is a case of trial and error-mostly error because the really good aides generally have long term employment until their client passes. I also believe most of the agencies are whores as well as many of the aides-their only in it to make money. Harsh criticism, yes, but that's been our experience.
phil 4:13 it is my understanding that many people who hire aides on their own don't pay the SS / Medicare taxes-they rely on the aide to report it but of course they do not. This is dangerous because at some point the aides want to collect SS and are not eligible. At that point they produce documents or paychecks which show they worked for you and didn't withhold taxes. Very dicey.
DH's aide is on vacation next week and I decided it just wasn't worth dealing with someone we didn't know so I will not have any respite next week. You may be hearing a lot from me!!!!
Any accountant will advise you to deduct fica (soc security) taxes and have them sign withholding form. If I pay in cash I have Excel spreadsheet I record in and show deductions also. Especially if you claim dependant care on taxes end of year. Better safe than sorry. My aide doesn't want fed or state withheld and I have backup documentation.
I want to caution you to trust your intuition, trust your "gut" when hiring a home health worker. We have employed several part time aids, from a reputable agency, during the last two years. When I ignored my instincts, I regretted it later. I wanted to give the worker the benefit of the doubt and kept her on despite an occasional lie about her tardiness or an absence. A mistake. There are other painful examples. I hope that I've learned to do better.
Once again you all make me feel very fortunate. I have hired 3 different women to help me take care of my wife (they all work at other jobs, so I need 3 to fill the spots where I need help). They have all been great. They relate very well to my wife, and she to them. I have not bothered about putting any valuables away, and have not seen any problem. None of them are through an agency. They all were referred by the same person. There is one other woman I use very occasionally who I found through another friend.
I think personal referrals are best, Marsh, when you can find someone. I also used personal referrals with any help I had. However, in most cases someone from an Agency works out better if a consistent schedule is needed and, of course, they are covered by Insurance. You are taking a "risk" either way.
Today was the first day of the Home Help Aide. DH was really confused this morning. He made himself a cup of coffee (instant) and I told him he needed the Coffee Mate. He wanted to know where it was and I told him in the fridge. Then he wanted to know where the fridge was, I wanted to tell him it was the big white thing at the end of the counter but I held my tongue. He finally got it and poured it in his coffee cup. The next minute he emptied it out and started to make another cup!!!!! So I wasn't sure how he would be when I left.
I left at 9.30 to go to my women's circle meeting and then we went for lunch. I was half sick to my stomach wondering how DH was getting along with the young woman. I got home about 1.00 and everything was fine. DH likes her! I do too because she cleaned my bathrooms. lol. I just hope it goes well each week because other than feeling sick I enjoyed my time away. She had turned the AC down to 75 but that's okay because she is a big girl and probably doesn't need it at 78 as I do.
Jean, I'm so glad everything went well! Except your being sick to you stomach. I get that too when I leave the house. I leave DH alone for an hour or so - but no one cleans my bathroom while I'm gone.LOL
jean its like others say (including myself) the first times are hardest. getting them used to the idea is always a challenge but once they are comfortable with an aide, you will spread your wings and enjoy your time away. glad its working out. dont despair if there are a few bumps along the way! divvi