It's been 9 months since my husband has been in the nursing home. I usually don't write, but I read many blogs. I seem to be numb now. I wonder if I'm selfish to think of myself when it is my husband that has gone through so much. I have a married daughter but she still looks to me for strength. We went to the facility on fathers day. My husband just sits in his chair, stands up and sits again. I had them play a song he used to sing to me by Elvis. "Can't help falling in love with you". It made no difference to him. As if he didn't even hear it playing. I was hoping there would be some response. I cannot fool myself anymore. Maybe that is why I feel so numb. My daughter is sitting there crying, I hold her while I hold my husbands hand. what else can I do. I don't want to be the strong one. I miss someone else being my strength. I just go on each day, fooling others but not myself. I know there are no answers to what I am writing about. I just felt like saying it out loud.
Maybe it is time your daughter looks to herself for strength. Maybe it is time she knows Mom needs her right now too. Be each others strength. No you are not being selfish - you are being human. The numbness is probably due to the emotional divorce that so many of us do. Do not feel guilty for feeling that way - right now it is your protection.
He cannot process the Elvis song now that meant so much to both of you. But the Elvis song did mean so much to both of you. And that is just as true today as it was then. That his machinery can't now doesn't change the truth.
Your husband HAS and is going through a lot BUT SO ARE YOU... and it is time for your daughter to stop leaning on you for strength. She has a husband and if he is understanding of the situation with her dad, she should turn to him for strength and he should provide it for her... When my dad was losing my mom to this disease, I could see he could not be my strength..we had to hold each other up..I could see the sadness in his face losing his wife and I understood this as it was my mom going through all of this. If your daughter needs support suggest she attend some Alz meetings in her area. Do not feel guilty about your feelings. They are valid and YOU do need someone to hold you up too..we caregivers cannot be all things to everyone in the family.
I have been feeling the wt of this these past days too and while the intellectual side of me understands our kids have lives of their own and deserve to have happy times, there are days when it just gets to me to read or hear about the 3rd trip to the beach for a week since April, or the camping trips planned for next month or whatever else is going on and yet I am lucky to get 2 hours to go do nothing..all by myself.
Nope, do not go beating yourself up for feeling you have somehow not met the needs of someone else..You need support from family not them adding to your stress , worry and grief.