Okay, doesn't matter what dh and I are talking about, he has already heard that, already seen that, just did that yesterday, etc. When we are in the car and happen to see someone walking along the road, he believes he just saw that person yesterday or always sees that person in that same place. Whatever he sees, wherever we are, he believes he's seen, heard or done that before and very recently. I have to admit that this absolutely drives me almost bonkers (my eyes are constantly rolling into the back of my head). Do any of your lo's do this? I just can't figure it out. Sure wish he would talk to me about what is going on or not going on in his world, would make things a lot easier for me.
I would handle it the same way that I handle the constant repetion. I just tune her out. She knows that I do that and she will just up the volume when she needs me to respond.
Mothert...yes, exactly! Jeff does that all the time. We're driving down the road and he points to a bicyclist. "I always see that guy on his bike," says Jeff. We go in a new restaurant where we've never been before. "We were here 2 weeks ago," he says. "We sat over there." We go to a concert with my mother. "I was here," he says. "Maybe last week."
I just say "ok...I don't remember that, but ok."
Actually, he seems to be doing this a little less than he used to because he has more trouble seeing things, and more trouble articulating thoughts.
My DH does it more so when he is on his paranoid toot. He told me a few weeks ago he had been with a guy who takes care of the yards through the HOA and had worked in some yards with him!!!!! He is 82 years old and NEVER liked yard work on his best day. Since we moved here last August he is obsessed with the yard. I tell him he doesn't have to work in the yard and he is always relieved.
mothert, oh YES! He has done this, been there, knows EVERYONE he sees (or at least they look familiar), etc. It was really bad about 6 months ago. Whenever we got in the car & went anywhere the chatter started as soon as we pulled out of the driveway & didn’t stop until we reached our destination. It drove me CRAZY! However like emily’s DH mine is also having trouble seeing (agnosia) so he doesn’t talk as much. He is also very attached to me. He is constantly asking me is I’m alright, especially if he hears a noise & I’m in another room. I know he is worried that something will happen to me, but sometimes it’s overbearing.
Yesterday, we were driving down the street and he said I know that guy walking the dog. In the grocery store he talks to all gray haired men. He used to work with them. He has done this for years. At church he wants to shake hands with everyone. He let into our home a man to fix our garage door.The repairman was really looking for a house down the street. I won't leave him alone, because he will let anyone in. I am afraid it could be a problem. He rarely lets me out of his sight anyway.
the first times they do this its so exasperating, and i know like myself you probably wanted to jump in and correct them saying no we have never been here before or i don think you know that person, etc etc etc! ugh i remember it drove me crazy as well and annoying to boot always having to listen to the confabulations. but yes they do beleive its true to them. so be it.i learned a hard lesson and finally just listened without reaction. its hard but like others say just tune it out and try not to argue. we learn quickly 'correcting' them serves no purpose (maybe to us but with repercussions as soon as we speak up) and it may only serve to aggravate a situation that was calm. how odd its yet another random trait that seems common. we'd never know these things if we didnt all collaborate and supply these strange exchanges of info. its a relief to know others suffer the same. divvi
I have no idea if this is related to the discussion. I have noticed several times when travelling abroad I would see people who looked familiar. After a while I realized they looked familiar because they were Americans and it was their mannerisms that were familiar. I wonder if your LOSs are cuing in on the familiar in a world where everything is different and are experiencing the same thing.
Yes, yes, yes to the recognizing everyone thing also. Jeff knows almost every man in the entire world. ESPECIALLY if they have gray hair and are middle to old aged. I have to carefully extricate total strangers from these awkward encounters fairly frequently.
Often though, I can see that people are catching on. Jeff "knew" the guy working in the UnderArmour store we went in with our daughter yesterday, and they had a nice little chat with it being clear the sales guy grasped what was going on. Similarly, Jeff approached the table of a couple in a restaurant where we were eating while 3 states north picking our son up from college. I was trying to pull Jeff away and the lady was looking at me with that knowing nod and mouthing "it's ok."
Mine too recognizes everyone! Today at lunch he saw a gentleman a few tables away and asked who that was. He said he knows him but can't think of his name. I told him I couldn't think of his name either. He had a hard time ordering today and I sort of prompted him. The waitress caught on quickly and "helped" him out too. People can be nice and gentle - at times!
Phew! I guess misery does love company :-). Of all his little new traits, I do think this one bugs me the most and I am trying very hard to just listen and tune him out. In reality, we have little to say to each other anymore; not that he can't talk, mostly that I'm no longer interested and he's mostly interested in the tv (okay with me). Seems like I have so much to do all the time that I don't take as much time as I should/could to just talk to him - but then, discussions are difficult at best because of the comprehension problem (you all know what I'm talking about).
We are in the process of getting our house painted (been 12 years) and replacing doors, etc. etc. Our house has a alarm system and I realized at the last moment that if we are going to replace outside doors I just might have to notify the security company. Well, anyway to make a long story short, the alarm system is something that dh had installed way back and I don't know any of the particulars. So, can't get the alarm shut down because I don't know the passcode and he doesn't remember it and it's Saturday and nobody is in the office to help me; husband is trying to interact with the painters as if he knows something and just keeps getting confused and they don't know that he has AD (guess I'll be telling them later), and I'm just trying to get the show on the road. I'm getting frustrated and thinking about a cocktail and it's only 10 am (just kidding). I'm tired of explaining the same thing over 900 times!
Boy, glad to get that off my chest, thanks for listening.
Yeah. Clue your painters in when you get a minute. I've had to learn quite a bit about various house systems which, previously, I had not needed to pay much attention to.
My DH acts like he knows everyone because he is so afraid that he will not recognize someone he should know. He will shake the hand of total strangers and ask about their family. He really doesn't know who our children are but follows my cue.
mothert, I could have written you post about not interacting with my DH. I feel guilty about it, but sometimes as you know when you make a statement it takes more time to explain what you are trying to tell him then its worth. Also, my DH has a definite hearing loss & EVERY time I say something to him he says, huh? It drives me crazy when I have to repeat everything, or repeat a word because he misunderstands it. I too am an army of one. phil4:13, it is so sad when they don’t recognize their children. He knows that he knows them, but he refers to them as his “friends.” Our kids understand it’s the disease, but I know that it makes them sad. Me too.
Yes, we've been there, done that too. Last year our community opened a new recreation area with walking trails. We decided to take a walk there and my husband was insisting that he had been there years ago with our kids. Well, years ago it was a big gravel pit, so I knew that wasn't the case. It's also happened when we've gone to a new doctor's office or restaurant. My husband was a structural engineer and visited many different types of building throughout his career, so I think there's a familiarity for him almost thinking it has something to do with his work. Actually sometimes I think it comforts him to think he's been there before.
Boy did this discussion hit exactly on what my DH does. He has just been "here" last week. He already knows all about "whatever I'm trying to tell him about and yes it is too exhausting to try to "visit" because of all the HUHS and trying to explain a simple idea. Thanks everyone for sharing this common trait. I thought I was just crazy. Such is life in AD world!!!
Remember the mantra of this site: the reason button is broken.
My husband was a mathematician and a logician. He taught me to see everything through the lens of rationality. Logic was the first thing to go. From the vantage point of AFTER, I would say that you all are in the hardest stage. Harder than poop and pee problems. Maybe not harder than escape artist stage, tho.
As Divvi said, what you've all been describing is called confabulation and is a symptom of the disease. For anyone who has experienced rage and agitation, confabulation is not a major problem by comparison. At least you can learn to ignore it. Just realize that they aren't doing it on purpose, the brain is playing tricks and they really believe that they have been everywhere, done everything, and know everyone. I know it's frustrating to deal with, but in the whole scheme of things, not worth getting worked up about. My advice would be to save your emotional energy in case you need to deal with the really rough issues that crop up--problem behaviors, lack of cooperation, aggression, wandering, etc.