I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read my first post surgery blog. A lot has happened, and I had a lot of subjects from which to choose, but this one was closest to my heart.
However Joan I gotta tell ya you need to continue to rest. You are NOT back 100% (!) The dates on the blog are wrong . . Should be Wed/Th June 22/23 (not 23/24) . . . DOH!
PLEASE dont stress yourself, even though I know the blogs are therapeutic for you. Like I said, we want you for the long haul <welcome back hugs>
How beautiful! When I had surgery this past winter I was surprised how attentive my spouse was as well. I know how much you miss your spouse as he was and to have him back even for such a little while is very special and something for you to remember in the future. Enjoy these is moments. They are rare and wonderful.
That was so touching. I think that our spouses are so dependent on us that when we are not able to deal with their needs and our own that they step up to the plate and dig deep down inside themselves to insure that those needs are met. I am sure it is exhausting for them but they find the strength to do it. My DH is always worried that I am OK. Take it easy Joan. We need you here. (((hugs)))
Very moving when these moments happen to us. I am so glad you were able to experience having your Sid back for a moment, a precious memory for you to hold on to. ♥
This is the reason I have never been able to "emotionally divorce". I have seen glimpses of "My Lynn" over and over through the years, too many times for me to ever believe he is completely lost to me. "My Lynn" IS still "in there"…. I know it with all my heart.
Joan, I am so glad that he returned at a time that you really needed him. It would be nice if they returned for good but that isn't possible right now. I remember a long time ago when my DH came back. It lasted a couple of hours and hasn't happened since but I have always remembered it and I am sure you will too.
When I had knee replacement last Xmas .I was surprised how much my husband took over and again when I had to go to ER earlier this month. They somehow step up to the plate when they have to but then it's strike out when you are better, I don't get it,but thankful when it happens.
I agree with Nikki, this is the reason I can't do the emotional divorce. Just yesterday, when I had a meltdown, my husband was so sweet and comforted me. At this stage of the game, you would think seeing me angry and upset (at the disease, not him) would have sent him into outer space. Instead, he reverted to the role of him being my caregiver. Frankly, Joan, sometimes I play the "I have a headache" card, etc., just to get some attention from him. And it works! I think that for male dementia patients, seeing a strong female "taking charge" all the time may be an irritant. Sometimes maybe we should become "helpless" ourselves and see what happens!
When I fall apart at the seams, there's no sympathy; and if it's acknowledged it's as an irritant. This is no different from years past. Wish I'd used my brain when I graduated college 50 yrs ago and thought I couldn't manage on my own. HA What a joke!
Your blog brought tears to my eyes, Joan - what love-lorn puppies we all are. I'm so glad that you had that little bit of sunshine in your day.
I, occasionally, get a snippet of the old guy - the one before AD. Gets me all hopeful and reminds me why I hang around to take care of the usual toddler fella who occupies my husband's body. Mostly makes me sad, though; reminds me of what I have lost and what he has lost - I'm in tears right now just thinking about it. We do have to live for those brighter moments, though; keeps us from sinking into despair and keeps us strong enough to do this thankless job day in and day out.
zibby - I and others here are in the same boat you are: no sympathy, no affection, and he has been that way all our 40 years. He does open doors for me and insist on walking on the street side of the sidewalk (which drives me crazy if we change directions and he walks in front of me to do it). l
Thank you, Nikki and Charlotte. I feel better now:) Was interviewed by a Purdue nursing grad student for a research project about caregiving. One ? was: What is something positive from your experience (caregiving)? I responded: thealzheimerspouse blog I found for information, experiences and friendship and the "real time" support group.
I'm wondering what those of you who have come to the end of this journey with your lo feel about the overall experience? Anything positive? Right now, when most of us are still in the eye of the storm, it's terribly difficult to find anything positive at all about this whole ordeal; but, I'm hoping that at the other end I'll be able to look back and say that I at least learned some valuable lessons along the way.
I have developed more patience. I find myself accessing someone who has been rude to me or someone else. Wondering what is REALLY going on in their life. Everyone has something going on in their life and most have some terrible things going on. I have found that giving a complement to a person who looks "mad at the world" will do wonders to perk them up and bring a smile.
I have developed the need to help others who are going through the Caregiving Process. I have learned that a "great loving relationship" does not always last a lifetime.
Overall, I think most of us will come out of this - a better and more appreciative individual.
I can tell you what I have learned in the past year or so. Not to judge, I have not walked a mile in their shoes. I am more forgiving and I also try to bring a smile when I am out. I know that when kindness has been shown to me it has soften my heart and I want to pass it forward. I am learning every day. I know I have so much more to learn. With the help of everyone here of course!
I am more compassionate and have more self confidence because (to paraphrase what bluedaze said) virtually everything needed doing and there was only me to do it! I always thought of myself as independent, but now I realize I did depend on my husband for a lot. Now, I really can call myself independent.
Last week, my dh returned and I began to doubt that he had ad. We had decent conversations and life seemed a little more normal. Perhaps, I tried to tell myself, that some were right when they said it was just dh's age (85) and not ad. Then he took a real drop in mental ability, was very delusional . Life changed again. I find this so hard to accept. Now I feel depressed again. A real yo-yo existence. Thanks for listening.
Shirley, this happens at our house fairly often. He returns. He is 88 and I chalk much of his ailments and abilities to just age - but down deep I do know much of it is AD also. That's the roller coaster ride we are on.