A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and Calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"
The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this:
[] All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story..... Have a great day and remember.... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
Hmmm blind guy huh,seems a blind guy was standing on the corner with his guide dog when the dog lifted his leg an peed all over the blind guys leg,the blind guy reaches into his pocket for a treat an a guy watching hollared at the blind guy Hey that dog just pissed on your shoe an your gonna give him a treat?The blind fella said no I just wanna see what end his mouth is so I can kick him in the ass
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Leroy.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?
No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'
Leroy said, 'I want the name of the person who pushed me in the pool!'
So the telco customer service manager was interviewing a candidate to take customer complaints...."We've had lots of complaints about the quality of the English spoken by our employees Its very important that you speak clear concise English, I want you to use the words green, pink and yellow in a sentence".
Laughter is the best prescription for mood elevation, and it has NO SIDE Effects!!!! A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail." The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite."
Frank,here's another Florida story about a couple of small towns similar to Melbourne and Indialantic, with a draw bridge separating them. What with the ocean on one side and ranchland on the other, the two communities understandably had different agendas, and the result was that the area was never able to agree on any projects or whatever that might have allowed them to attract state improvement grants or new industry. If one side was in favor of something, the other side was against it. Finally a group of public-spirited citizens from both sides of the river got together and formed a committee to try to promote unification into a single city with a shared agenda. The committee decided that a first order of business would be to identify a candidate for Mayor of the new city that both factions could support, and after lots of soul searching, someone finally suggested the bridge tender -- he was an affable sort of fellow who lived there in a little shack adjacent to the bridge and waved at everyone who passed and theoretically wouldn't have any particular allegiance to one side or the other. So a subcommittee was formed to approach the bridge tender and secure his agreement to be a candidate for Mayor. At first he protested that he didn't have time to campaign for Mayor -- that just tending the bridge kept him busy almost 24 hours a day -- but after they appealed to his civic responsibility, he finally agreed that he'd be willing to serve as Mayor if the committee could just get him elected. So another committee was formed to get out and canvass the whole area -- knocking on every door and pitching the idea of unification, with the bridge tender as the proposed Mayor. They started way out on the west side of town, knocking on every door, and got positive responses from the first few homes until they tried Farmer Brown. They had him nodding his head in agreement to the idea of unification and all until they came to the part about the bridge tender for Mayor -- at which point he curtly announced that he wouldn't vote for that S.O.B. if he was the last man on earth and didn't want to hear any more about it and ordered them off his property. They knocked on a few more doors and got positive responses from them, and when the reached the end of the block regrouped to try to figure out what had gone wrong back at Farmer Brown's house. They decided that they really needed to get to the bottom of whatever it was before they potentially wasted lots of time in knocking on every door in town, only to find out later that there really was some big problem with the bridge tender that they didn't know about. So, at risk of life and limb, they went back to Farmer Brown's house and implored him to tell them what he found wrong with their plan.. At first he insisted he didn't want to talk about it, but finally relented after they appealed to his civic responsibility. "Well, it's a long story", he said. "I'm just as civic minded as anyone else -- probably more than some. As you know, I'm in the cattle business, and a few years back I imported an expensive bull from Texas -- the best bull that money could buy -- in an attempt to improve the quality of the breeding stock in this area. I was breeding him to cows from all over this area, and things were really going good until one day my old bull got sick. Well, I called the vet right away, but he said he couldn't come right then as he was tied up helping with a difficult delivery of a calf, but that if I could describe the bull's symptoms maybe he could suggest something over the phone. When I told him that the old bull was just laying on the ground and bellowing like he was in pain, the vet said it sounded to him like a simple case of constipation, and that if I would just give the bull an enema he'd try to get on out to my place as soon as he finished with that delivery. He asked if I'd ever given a bull an enema, and I told him I hadn't. He said, "Well, have you got a funnel?", and I said I didn't have one. He asked if I had anything like a funnel, and I thought a little and told him that well, I did have on old army bugle. "That'll do just fine, he said -- you just want to mix up a gallon of warm soapy water, plug in the bugle, pour in the water and stand back." So I got the bugle and warmed up a bucket of soapy water like he said and jammed the bugle mouthpiece up the bull's ass and poured it in. Well, I guess I must have gotten that water too hot, because that old bull came right up off the ground, kicked the door off the barn, and headed down Main Street -- blowing that bugle! All the way down Main Street he went, blowing that bugle, and headed across the causeway. Well, that stupid bridge tender heard him coming and opened the draw and let my prized bull fall in the river and drown -- so I'll just be damned if I'll vote for a dumb S.O.B. that don’t know a tug boat from a bull with a bugle up his ass!"
A husband tells his wife: when I die I want you to bury me with all my money. The wife replied: how am I going to live without any money after you die? That's your problem husband replies. Its my money, I made it, it comes with me when I die. Husband dies, wife is by his graveside at the funeral. Her best friend says: you didnt really bury him with all his money did you? Wife says yes, but I dont know how hes going to cash that check. :)
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone's got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife.. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Our Yearly Dementia Test-- only 4 questions It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
* Answer*: If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else Try not to hurt yourself. The answer is bread. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
* Answer*: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
* Answer*: Greenhouses are made from glass.If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales .In London , *17*people get on the bus. In Reading , *6*people get off the bus and *9*people get on. In Swindon, *2*people get off and *4*get on. In Cardiff , *11*people get off and *16*people get on. In Swansea , *3*people get off and *5*people get on. In Carmathen, *6*people get off and *3*get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven..
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
* Answer*: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own age? It was YOU driving the bus!! If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. "That's impossible says the doctor,you're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back." But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated... The doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question then I'll sign the pass." He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?" The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3,7,19,38?. Is it 128?" The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!" The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper. That provided, she writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine." The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass. As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?" The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday!"
********WARNING**** ***** --Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Coke and ice will ruin your teeth. Apparently ice is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!! it can save a life!!
West Virginia FARM KID in Marines (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT
TRAINING )
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Begin with a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand (I'm at this level).
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!"
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself and muttering, "An 'R'! The scribes left out the 'R'." A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, asks him what the problem is and what does he mean. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'. They left out the 'R'. The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
Phranque, I hope this is funny enough to give you a giggle.
A couple of famous people, an Economist and an Engineer, were walking down the road and a vehicle ran them over. Later the paramedics were talking about them and one asks the other which one was the Engineer. The other replied that the Engineer was the one with the two sets of tire marks.
My brother and I tell each other this joke all the time. He is the engineer and I am the economist.
A bear and a rabbit bump into each other in the middle of the woods. On the ground they see a magic lamp. When they are fighting over it, the Genie pops out and says "Ok, since both of you touched the lamp, I will grant you BOTH three wishes"
The bear says "I wish to be most attractive, strong, virile, and intelligent bear there is" the Genie grants his wish. The Rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle" Bam the genie gives him a motorcycle
The bear laughs and says "You stupid rabbit, you could have wished for a billion dollars and bought anything you want" The rabbit just shrugs.
For his second wish, the bear says "Since I am now a perfect bear, I wish that all other bears were female" Instantly, every other bear on the planet is female.
The rabbit says "I wish that the motorcycle's tank is full of gas" and so it was.
The bear laughs again and says "Are you a moron rabbit? If you had just wished for money, you could have bought those things and still had two other wishes." the rabbit shrugs again.
The bear says "For my final wish, since I am a perfect bear, and all other bears are female, I wish that every female bear finds me completely irresitable and wants to do nothing but make love to me constantly." The genie grants this
The bear is so happy, he is now the only male bear, in great shape, with a strong sex drive, and all other bears are female and can't resist him. He looks at the rabbit and says "See, I was smart with my wishes, you wasted yours!"
The rabbit shruggs, starts the motorcycle, and says to the Genie "For my final wish, I wish this bear is gay"
This bear was traipsing along the forest path without a care in the world when, all of a sudden, a hairy arm reached out from a thicket and dragged it into the woods. There was the sound of considerable scuffling, after which the bear bounced back onto the path exclaiming, "I'm a ruined bruin!"
A few minutes later an ape came traipsing along the same path, and again the hairy arm snatched it into the woods, followed by more scuffling, at the end of which the ape bounced back onto the path exclaiming, "I'm a raped ape!"
And a bit later still here came a duck traipsing along the path, and the same thing -- the hairy arm dragged it into the woods, some scuffling, after which the duck bounced back onto the path, shook itself, and exclaimed, "Everything's jake -- I'm a drake!"
Frank, after all this business is over for you, and after the dust has settled some, I hope Joyce and I can make a date to have lunch together with you in Sebring -- it's only a couple hours drive for us, and we have kinfolks we need to visit in that area anyhow.
Phranque 12 hours ago editdelete Ironically grannywhiskers, I drove through Venus Fl today on my way to meet up with Olddon........I can attest to the fact that women are not from Venus......all I saw were cattle, alligators, and birds.....so, it is a myth...women are not from Venus
Grannywhiskers 12 hours ago editdelete Frankie...you have blown my whole theory. Where are women from then? and where are men from? We certainly do not think the same.
I hope you and Ol Don had a great visit!
Wolf 8 hours ago editdelete That's just silly. Everybody knows women come from the same place men do. Out of Virginia. The boy spreads his pollen on her petals and nine months later a baby comes out of Virginia. Boy, you guys should get out once in a while. Now that's not the same as a virgin you know. Like when your always on the virgin of winning the lottery. Which is a huge, huge pile of money and that's why they say it's a lottery of money.
Some of you may not know that Virginia got so stretched with all those babies coming out after the war that they called it baby booming and had to make a West Virginia for all the extras. Booming didn't mean like shooting out of cannons or anything just that there were an awful lot of them so to speed things up they invented the Ceasar salad section where people waiting could snack until they got pollinated again.
Now up here in Canada they don't come out of Virginia of course. They come out of Regina.
It's all in the jeans my father used to say and I could feel that he was right. I just didn't know why he kept talking about it. I thought some things were supposed to be privates. But since everybody seems to be talking about it, I thought I'd set the record straight. Women are not from Venus and men are not from Mars anymore than women fight like cats and men fight like dogs or maybe they do but that's not the point. The point is I've been to Virginia Beach in March and there wasn't anybody in Venus or Mars because they were all there cruising in their speedos and singing their thongs.
"Oh there was a young woman from Venus" "Who liked men with a very large
Look. It's not my song. I'm just quoting.
marilyninMD 1 hour ago editdelete Ever notice how it's the men on this site that are the funniest? I guess that's another difference between the sexes.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more? --- Chris Rock
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”
“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?" She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?" Eagerly, she shakes her head and exclaims, "Yes!" The man hands her his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."
My friend Jackie came home from her yearly physical with a bounce in her step and a smile on her face her husband greeted her saying "Well, I guess your check-up went well." "Yes," she replied "the doctor said I have the breasts of a 25 year old!" "Hmmpf" her husband said jealously asking "Well, what did he say about your old ass?" "Oh darling, your name never came up" Jackie replied.
An old man went to the social security office to sign up. He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and relized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.
After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.
After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mommie ....'
Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.
One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter."
The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too."
But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."
What is playing in your soundtrack, Phranque? I actually do have music playing all the time in my head but I thought it was funny. Perhaps my sense of humor sucks. Yours, on the other hand, is superior to any I have ever known. Carry on with that wacky humor, my friend.
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"
This thread should be on the sticky notes...we all need to laugh a lot more.....Laugh until you pee in your pants,,,,no worries,,someone will change you and put a diaper on you......
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mom laughs"HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom.