I don`t come on here very often, it seems like everytime I do I hear another love has gone to Heaven, it is hard to hear about ALZ. all the time ,as I am trying to get on with my life but I want to check on all my cyber friends who still are going through this process of greeving for there lost love, and that long goodbye, know you are all in my nightly prayers and on my mind alot, I`m sure I will check in from time to time but not as often as I used to, Love you all, Gail
I am sure you just want to put all this behind you but you've forged so many friends here it must be difficult to just stop peeking in. I think we all understand your feelings and know you will do what is best for you.
((Marygail)) you know I love you ♥ We have seen each other through a great deal my friend. Often times I have to take a break, mostly when I feel the grief starting to consume me again. I call this my 3 R's.... my time to retreat, regroup and reload. You have fought the long hard war and now, your battle is over. I can completely understand that you wouldn't want to be around this hell every day; it must make you relive times you wish not to.
I honestly don't know if I would come back "after". ..I like to think I would, because all of you heroes with your stars, you have helped me more than mere words could ever express. But I honestly wont know until I am walking in those heavy shoes. But what I want for you Gail, for all our unsung heroes, is to do what is best for YOU. You have sacrificed enough! If it is too painful to come here... we all would miss you greatly, but we would understand.
I haven't reached "after" yet, but here are my thoughts: the way the system works now, some of us have some good doctors to educate us; some have good household help to do that; and some of us have good chapters of the Alzheimer's Association to "school" us on how to get through this. I, personally, have all 3 of those sources, but no family, friends or neighbors who have gone through this; and certainly, no one with a spouse who was dx at 60.
This website, and especially those who have seen the disease through all the way to the end (and beyond) with their spouses, have been my main source of education and hope that I will prevail (perhaps we should earn a degree in Alzheimer's Disease Management ? ADM degree?) Anyway, I hope that even after my husband's life is over, I will still be able to be here for others who are learning the ropes and are where I was, in the trenches, living in this challenging and difficult role.
We are in year 3 of this journey and I have no idea how long it will last, but I want to thank all of those who have lost their loved ones who continue to provide advice and information to those of us who are still on this journey. You have a perspective that we don't yet have, you continue to educate and soothe us. As Marilyn said, it is your knowledge and experience that has helped me have a better understanding of this disease, behaviors, meds, incontinece, etc. and I too expect to continue to contribute to the "newbies" to help them through the difficult first days and beyond. My heartfelt thanks to you all!
With all the help, support, prayers, friendships...I probably can't stay away very long at any time...might take short breaks while visiting with our children, but I'll be back! Love and hugs to all of you. I STILL HATE THIS DISEASE!
Marilynin: I always enjoy your post because my dh is 64 and it seems the majority of caregivers on here have spouses who are much older.
I am constantly amazed at how my dh is going down hill in so many ways regarding his comprehension, memory, etc. and still looks like a normal 64 year old male to most people. This week has been bad for me because he has totally lost it with regard to following any commands/directions from me.
Examples: I ask him to go in the garage and get a shovel for me. He was gone so long, I went to the garage and he was looking in a cupboard for the shovel. I ask him to do the most simple thing and he looks at me with this blank stare and have to repeat myself and he still gets it wrong.
When we go shopping he now walks so slow and is so far behind me I can't cope with it much longer.
We no longer can have conversations that contain more then 5 words and it is just very simple words/subject...like "aren't those flowers pretty?".
I wonder how long he will be like this before he doesn't know who I am or he can't walk, talk or other things that indicate we are in the last phase. It is so difficult.
Judith-I know this is a rough time for you both with this #%& disease. Try to savor what good moments you still can have and don't worry about what may be coming. You can't do much to stall the train coming down the track but at least you can try to not let it flatten you.