There has been too much sadness on the board lately so I will tell you about our daily game - 'Name the Cat' It is bad for everybody when both us and our spouses focus only on what they cant do. It is always better IF you can set them up for a success, however small.
We have 8 cats(!) My wife has always liked cats, they just come to her. For some reason during our entire 23 year marriage we have always had eight. Every time one dies, another starving stray wanders into to yard and says 'meow'. We always feed it JUST ONCE (thinking it will go back home) but of course it stays and we have then adopted a replacement cat. (I suspect the dead ones are sending us their own replacements)
We have one cat that is pushing 18 years old and she KNOWS it's name. But whatever names the other cats had before, they all have developed generic names. "Orange & White cat", Black Cat #1, Black Cat #2, Cat Seven, Fat cat, 'Grey cat with Blue Collar' and 'Grey Cat with White Chin'. The generic visual names help her recognize them and guess at the correct name. Anyway, we were down to 'just' 6 cats about 6 months ago when about Feb & March two new ones moved in.
The last two to arrive are a source of confusion for her. She recognizes them visually but cannot place them in time. So everyday I arrive home from work I point out the Grey Cat with White Chin and ask if it is a new cat, pretending I have not seen it before. (The cat has been with us for about 4 months now but she always thinks it has been here just 2-3 days). She says yes, hoping I will let it stay. I ask if it is friendly and she assures me that is and that she wants to keep it. She is pleased when I say we can keep it. But then I ask her if it has a name.
This really bothers her because she knows that every cat MUST have a name, especially if it going to have a home. Since this cat has no name then perhaps we cant give it a home. So we talk about it and always settle on "Grey Cat with White Chin". When she realizes we have picked a name, then she feels so much better because then it has become a part of our family.
Name the cat - We have done this almost daily for the last 4 months. . . . Great fun and she always feels very good about herself for picking out an appropriate name. :-)
Jim, how nice to have tears in my eyes from something wonderful instead of tragic...... I think it so endearing that you "play" this game with your dear wife... that you make her feel important, special and good about herself is such an amazing thing for you to do. So often we get caught up in the negative aspect of this horrible disease, it is refreshing to hear from others what they have done to make their spouse's day better for them. Warmed my heart ♥
Thanks for sharing; it's nice to read something positive and reinforces that we CAN and SHOULD try to make some positives for our spouses. - Not always easy, either:)
That's a pretty good game. : ) I'm over my cat limit at 3, but our main cat related game is how NOT to sit on one. Sit on the OTHER chair. This is challenge enough. "Which chair?" "This chair," I say. "The one without a cat in it." "This one?" he says, almost sitting on the cat. "No, this one," I say, leading him to the next chair over.
That is a wonderful story. We have three cats and had a dog till just a few years ago and they definitely are a connecting point here on earth for my husband and I. He was reading the paper the other morning (for 4 hours) and also watched one of our cats stalking a mouse out the front window, pointing it out to me several times.
What a marvelous post, m-mman, thanks for sharing. It will bring a smile in the days ahead to think of you and your wife naming that "new" kitty every day.
We play "how many dogs do we have"? We only have 2 but sometimes (in Tom's mind) there are at least 3 or 4. I'll have to start asking him what the "new" dogs names are! We've had a very long week (it's only Tuesday). Confusion to the max and I hurt so badly cause he knows how confused he is. Wonder how long it will be before he doesn't know he is confused.
It is so nice to hear something positive. Every once in a while I just have to stop checking out the site as I get consumed by all the tragedy and hurt and it affects how I handle things. So I just stay away for several days (or longer) and gain a new perspective. I know there are so many problems in dealing with Alz. that this is what the site was mainly set up to help with but it makes my day when there is a new "Alrighty then" posting or jokes just to break the tension.
LO an I played a game also but we called it find my purse,she'd hide it in the damdest places an then accuse me or all the "people" that were in an out of the house of stealing it,I even went so far as to put one of those luggage finders that beeps when you hit the remote button,however she was smart enough to remove the batteries an then the game would start anew,then I had the bright idea of locking purse in a big tool box an chaining it to the bed,she wanted the key but I told her that would be defeating the whole idea,about one day later the box, chain, an all turned up missing,it was winter so I knew it had to be in the house,finally found it in the basement under a bunch of suitcases,oh yes we played many games for the better part of three years,,they seem obsessed with moving things,she still does it at the ALF,her shoes an glasses are gone for weeks at a time an then they pop up,was funny the first few hundred times,then after that not so much
My Great-Grandmother used to play "hide the purse" too. But she didn't have dementia, she was just paranoid. Usually we grandchildren would discover it stuffed underneath an upholstered chair.