I have an appointment with the elder law attorney coming up. I did a pre-meeting and thought the process would be easy. 1. We have no children so everything should be communty property or joint tentancy - easy asset transfer 2. She has brothers but they live half a country away and we have visited them only 3-4 times in 20+ years. 3. I have no family (OK, 80+ y/o parents)
We need DOPAs of course but then everything should come to me because I expect to outlive her. (she is 60) EXCEPT the attorney asked what would happen if I died first. . . .? (I am only 53, but I guess there are firey car crashes)
So in March we visited her brothers (who all have wives, kids and plenty of their own problems) and asked who might take their sister if I died? (BTW - I told them she would be coming without money just to see who would really want her . . .)
Surprise(!) they we accepting of her behaviors (it was nice visit) but this thing is way beyond them.
So, per the lawyers advice I guess I wil need to name/select a professional conservator to take over if I go first. Has anyone ever done this? What do you look for? How do you interview one? Do I even care as I will be already gone . . .
m-mman, When we had our POA's and will's done by an ELA DH will states everything comes to me. Mine states it is to go in a Special Needs Fund for DH and we have a fidicuary to handle the funds for him. I am guessing a conservator would do the same thing if that is how your will is set up.
I'm in kinda of the same situation. My DW best friend has stepped forward to take on that role. I have a good size life insurance policy on myself and that will fund her care in a nursing home for many years if I go first. She calls and visits more than her own child who lives closer.
m-mman, can your attorney offer any suggestions on appointing a conservator? My BIL also had AD and when his son could no longer handle being DPOA, the courts appointed a conservator (typically a local attorney). Many people do not want to become the legal conservator because once appointed by the courts you cannot just resign...you need to petition the court and have a hearing with a judge as to why you can no longer fulfill your duties and the judge decides if you can/should continue.
We're in the same boat - 60, no kids, his brothers don''t want anything to do with him. Like Jean, his will has everything coming to me and when I die a trust will be stablished to care for him. Haven't figured out who will take over if I die...no one wants the responsibility. So I am content to have the courts appoint someone. I'll be dead. A possibility is to contact a geriatric care manager and see if they can give you information on who might be a conservator - I know one of the GCM's that I hired does conservatorships but don't know what the costs associated with that are. Other possibilities are the alz organization or your local Area office on Aging - they might have some recommendations.
When we had an elder attorney review our financies he also had a special needs fund set up for my dh's care so if I die first the property and money would be set aside for my dh's care and nothing can be distributed until we both die.
We discussed how to pick home care help and a big part seemed to be how the care-giver, receiver and environment all fit together. What is right for one situation may not be right for another.
I spoke to a professional judiciary recommended by my Elder Law atty this week. I have never spoken to one before and had no idea what to ask. She is licensed, participates in her professional organizations and has no disciplinary actions against her. . .
Then in talking to her she asked the one question I did not think even needed to be asked. "If you are no longer around do you want your wife taken care of in her own home?"
Huh? . . . Where else would she go? I guess this is what needs to be explored when talking to a professional judiciary/conservator. "Are their ideas for continued care the same as yours?"
In talking to other sources I learned that some pros will immediately place their charge into a facility that will deliver all necessary care rather than spend any time trying to arrange for in-home aides etc. until placement becomes mandatory.
I imagine if the needy person is quickly 'put away' it would be easier for them to manage all the other details that an estate demands.
Once the AD person is out of the home, a professional conservator COULD then sell the property and pay for the professional facility care and have only to worry only about numbers on a bank statement and not building maintenance etc.
So, as I have now learned, THIS seems to be the most significant point of view that needs to be explored before naming a professional fiduciary/conservator to manage a dementia person when there would be no-one else to do this. It would be great if we had a reliable family member to name that could/would manage my wife but unfortunately in my situation there is none.
There is no charge to naming a fiduciary in the estate papers they dont get paid until their services are needed. Now we all know. Jim