My DH has taken another "drop" in cognition with the change of season and is making getting anything done impossible. He wants to go for a ride constantly. I have put so many miles on the car in the last 2 weeks that it looks like I am a traveling salesman! I will take him out for 2 or 3 hours and as soon as we drive in the garage he will say "it's still light out, lets go for a ride!". He won't remember that we just got home even if I recount all that we did. I am getting nothing done here and things are backing up. He even threw a fit for the aide and threatened to take off walking to find me while I was out running errands. She had to call and have me come home. I have asked a couple of our friends if they will take him out for a ride so that I can get some things done here but I am afraid he won't go because I am not with him. Have any of you run into this?
phil4:13, my husband did the same thing. He wanted to always go to wal-mart. Many times a day I went to Wal-Mart. I live in a small town so it was quite noticable. When I would tell him we had already been 5 times that day...he would get mad and thow a fit and say he "never got to go anywhere". It is very hard.
My DH also loves to go for a ride and I feel like I need to find more time to take him out. I think when they've lost the ability to do so many things, going for a ride is about the only enjoyment they have. It was mentioned by someone on another thread about taking day trips when we cannot comfortably travel with them anymore. I think that's a great idea. There's a lot of stuff we have to get done around the house but the housework......it will still be there when they are gone.
phil 4:13, so far my DH will still go with our friend from church without me, however I anticipate it will come to him not wanting to go without me. He is definitely getting more dependent on me. Last week I went out to work in our back yard & I told him where I was going & left him watching TV in the living room. 15 minutes later I went back in the house & he was gone. The phone rang & it was our daughter who lives across the street, seems DH didn’t know where I went so he went to our daughters house & was upset because he couldn’t find me (at least he knew to go to her house). I like to drive & I hope to go one some day trips this summer, but lately it seems that when we go somewhere he asks where are we going, why are we going there, where are we, etc. & sometimes I think he would just rather stay home.
My DH, even when his friends surface to take him to lunch wants me to come along and I tell him not this time, it is his time to bond with the guys and swap lies. He will ask if he can bring something for me ( he has always been like that) so I tell him a sandwich would be great..and off he goes and I can get something done...even if it is just to clean the kitchen..that is the battle ground these days..he snacks and then doesn't clean up...that gets to me to see a messy kitchen 20 minuets after I clean it up.
Mimi,where do you live? I will send you my husband.He cleans the kitchen for hours. My sink will soon be worn thru and the counter also.It gets on my nerves ,I try to not watch but we live in a mobile home and I can't get too far away.He get up sometimes during the night and cleans.He also likes to go places every day and we eat out every day.Usually we will no sooner come out of the restaurant and he will say,"where are we going to eat" the man has a bottomless stomach.I cannot go anywhere without him,he will not stay with anyone. But yesterday I spent in the ER and told him he had to stay home withe dog.He did very well,someone did come and check evey few hours. It's sad, but I enjoyed my time in the ER and observation floor.the staff at our hospital are sweethearts.Oh,Mimi, can you meet my husband at the airport when I send him to you?
My DH used to be a neat freak.He used to tell our kids to hang up clothes,keep things off the floor and door knobs,etc.Now anything goes with him...he is sloppy with a captial S.Anyone relate?
phil 4:13, thanks for this thread!!! DH is driving me crazy with wanting to take a drive everyday. No matter when we go out or how long we are out, when we return home within an hour he wants to go for a drive again. I generally don't have a problem going out once a day for 1-2 hours depending on what needs to be done, but with the price of gas so high and our expenses growing due to his dementia I really try and want to limit our "outings to nowhere" because its become so expensive and we no longer have the discretionary income to waste on meaningless travel. It's a daily occurance here and sometimes becomes stressful because he insists we HAVE to go out again. I have no answers for you and would welcome any advice too.
I went through this with DH for a couple of years. I used to just take him to Lowes to have somewhere for "him" to go! Thankfully, it has slacked off. He doesn't ask as often now to go out or for a drive, so perhaps, this is a phase that your LO's will get through - then on to something else!
gosh i can remember going out for drive daily as well many years ago. seems a lifetime now. DH loved to read any and all signs -billboards, road signs. bumper stickers anything with writing on it. and he counted FLAGS. omg i had to drive around the city just by mainly banks, haha so he could see the flags. the bigger the better. overjoyed at car dealerships where those HUGE ones flew:) those were the days. and not all happy but he was still functional most of the time. exactly as you say when we got home he refused to get out of the car saying he wanted to go home. home was relative and never our real house. once i had to call the fire dept to get him out of a hot hot car after 2hrs of not wanting to move. geez. this brings back lots of memories. his fav was to go thru the drivethrus and get a choc covered cone icecream. but the fun always started once we hit the driveway. i feel for you who are in this time. if its good news this too eventually passed and he forgot about wanting to go out all the time. divvi
My hb is the same way. We always wants to be going somewhere. I'm so tired of driving it makes me sick. I just want to stay home and rest if I can. I'm not one who likes to keep going out so this is really hard for me and I hate it. He won't even go for a walk by himself. I don't mind the walks but I look for the slightess moments just to be left alone. I guess we're in for the long haul. Good luck to you to.
lee012, I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to have a few minutes to be alone. My DH is getting so dependent on me. I can’t leave him alone. He used to always want be going somewhere, but not so much anymore, in fact after we’ve been in the car for a few minutes he always asks where we are going (even though I’ve already told him a few times).
I am not that hung up on housework but we have been having some work done on the house to make it more handicapped accessible. Everything is a mess and the carpenter needed me to paint so he could finish getting things back in. FIrst time I got up at 5AM after 3 hours of sleep (even 100mg of trazadone didn't knock him out) and painted and tonight I painted from 8 until 10. Couldn't do it earlier because we had to go for a ride as soon as I got home from PT. The only things that is good about driving around is that he is pleasant. He has gotten belligerent lately and will do the total opposite that I ask him to do. Seems to delight in it. Definitely don't like this stage! LFL - I feel for you. This would be even worse if we couldn't afford the gas.
We just drove from Northwest Arkansas to Hayward, CA. my back hates me but we did see some beautiful scenery and are now in heavenly bay area weather. In New Mexico we drove through horrible stinky smoke coming from the AZ fires. I took the old Route 66 detours a few times in remembrance of the book The Leisure Seekers and envied the wife in the book as her DH drove even with AD.
divvi, DH still reads every billboard, bumpersticker and sign we pass. Have to travel 500 miles this week and I dread the jabber I will hear all the way! I know when he doesn't talk, I will miss that jabber. Just hope he does well otherwise on this necessity trip - not a leisure, vacation type trip.
Vickie, I know that this trip has to be one of the most difficult trips of your life. My thoughts will be with you. I know exactly what you mean when you say your DH reads every sign, etc. Mine does too. He also used to do a lot of confabulating about how he worked here or there or how he used to eat at that “eatery” over there (while pointing at a grove of trees!) He doesn’t do that as much as he used to. Maybe the jabber will be a good thing on this trip because it won’t give you time to dwell on what you have to do, you will be too busy going crazy listening to him! Drive safe!
Thanks so much. I don't know what I would have done without my "family" here on Joan's site, over the past months. This will be one more thing to maybe put behind me so I can move on to another "after". Love you all.
On our last road trip Bill drove me nuts reading every sign. I had put a road map in his hand with bold lines tracking our way and numbers only 1 2 3 hoping he could tell me when turn offs were approaching. Didn't happen.
bluedaze*, that was my first clue that something was wrong with DH. I was driving and he had the map. I discovered he couldn't follow it right after we had driven over 100 miles out of the way! We have a Garmin now, and he loves it - he will tell me when we're coming up to different intersections, cemeteries, etc. ...but still reads all the billboards too!
Tom and I are heading on a road trip this coming Saturday. Should be about 5.5 hours of actual driving. We will have grandkids/kids in the car ahead or behind us. I totally dread this trip. It will be "did you turn the right way", "aren't you sure you should have gone the other way". Thinking about giving him 1/2 an Ambien about 1/3 way thru the trip. Seriously. Would that hurt him? I take 10 mg but could give him about 2.5. Tom would wake up about the time we got to Arkansas and will wonder "why did I sleep so good?"
Sheila, we have just returned from a trip to another state (7 hour trip one way) and there were two things that really helped. I took CDs of his favorite music and played them the whole trip. That seemed to keep his mind more occupied. Also his favorite snack foods to distract. When he started asking questions over and over and over or was telling me how to drive, I would say "I'm hungry, let's split a banana or peanut butter and crackers."
Leaving tomorrow. Thought DH was doing so good - NOT. Today he wants me to go without him - he can take care of himself and the dog! How I wish. Maybe it was just the weather today - storms, rains, etc. Clear tomorrow - so maybe he will wake up in a good mood and ready to travel! I can dream, can't I?
Dazed, good idea about the music and snacks. I'm sure he will do alot of sleeping in the car but the music will help soothe him as well. Looks like lots of pretzels and water for our trip! We will stop to stretch our legs often so that will help as well.
Vickie, I hope your DH is more willing to go on the trip tomorrow. Do you think telling him you need his company would help him feel better about going? I pray you have a safe trip and everything goes smoothly for you.
Yes, I did tell him I needed him to go with me to "help" me - said I couldn't do it without him. He seemed to accept that and is now asleep for the night, hopefully. At least he does sleep well, which means I get a good night's sleep also. For that I am so thankful. I don't function without my rest. Thanks to all for the good wishes.
So good to be home again and back to a routine! Two hours in the car and DH said he thought we ought to head back home ASAP! Not a great trip up, but worse coming home as he kept telling me I had to go North (NOT). But, overall, he did pretty well.
I am so happy to get this behind me. Went through everything - had help - loaded the car and finished in 2 days. Of course, I still have to separate things that ended up in my dining room when I unloaded the car.
For those who are interested, also talked to the prosecutor this morning. At the hearing last week, he signed the waiver for a speedy trial, which is a good thing. They now have over 200 potential witnesses to interview, take depositions, etc; and turned the list over to the defense to do the same. This is the major reason it takes so long to get to trial. It will be at least 2-3 years, but that's okay, he's not going anywhere,.
Thanks to everyone for your support during all of this. I love each and every one of you.
Vickie, Glad you and your DH made the trip safely and you didn't have any "tearing my hair out" moments. Take your time separeting the boxes...it might give you a break from caregiving!
Hopefully after not too long there will be a plea bargain. I hate those but it saves court time. Maybe he will agree to life without parole vs death penalty.
Glad to see you checked in, Vickie. You and this difficult trip have been on my mind. You have such grace and strength. Your son would be very proud of you. Hugs
Thank you, Weejun. Been reading all his cards to me today. Every Mother's Day, every birthday, every Christmas and others, since he was 5 years old - when he made them. It was comforting because he always wrote something on the card. He was the greatest son a mother could have.
Vickie--I have always admired your attitude regarding taking care of your husband; and when the tragedy happened with your son, you continued to impress me with your courage. I am sure your son had to have been a wonderful guy.