When a child grows up there are many milestones that are expected and looked forward to. The first step, the first words, the first day in school. Even moving out at adulthood. There is not enough information about milestones in an AD decline. The stages just dont do it, but there ARE milestones that I learned about on this board and on Memorial day I hit one of them.
Quiet holiday just sitting around and my wife looks at me and sincerely asks "Are we REALLY married?" A quick answer of "Yes we are" was followed up with probing questions of any memories realted to our marriage. Nope, gone, none. I told her we had been married in the same Church she attends Mass at daily and with a surprised look she says "NO, REALLY"? "Yep we are married, how long do you think it has been?" "About 2 or 3 years" (23 actually)
Questioning though out the week and now she can state that we are married but the length remains at just 2 to 3 years. . . .
I guess I am posting this because I wondered how I would feel about it when it happened. Because of many postings on this board I was (thankfully) ready for it and instead of sadness it was just an emotional numbness. . . .
I dont want to linger at anger or depression I want to be at acceptance for what this disease will do and be prepared to deal with it when the inevitable happens.
Hoping I can avoid the rage stage, I guess the next big milestone will be "Who are you?" I hope I am ready for that when it comes. Jim
Jim, I know how you feel. I posted about this happening with us 2-3 weeks ago. I finally made DH a copy of our marriage license, along with a picture of our wedding and gave it to him. So far, no more questions about whether we are married or not, but still can't remember it's been 35 years - not 3-4. Yes, this is a milestone. I thought he may have forgotten who I was too, but don't think that's the case - at least for now.
Hang in there, Jim. This too shall pass (hopefully)!
We haven't hit that one yet. Instead, I get repeated questions about what jobs our children have, and whether they have boyfriends. He has failed to recognize his siblings, and "recognized" young people as his children who were not his children, but this is expected in PCA because of the visual disconnect.
Having passed through both the rage and the not recognizing me, I can tell you the latter is a lot less painful. My husband has a cold and is more confused than usual, and yesterday, he absolutely didn't recognize me or the aide. When he asked who I was and I said Marilyn, it just upset him more; so I switched to my middle name. Since he no longer remembers even his own middle name, he accepted that. I just say/do whatever seems to upset him least. Interesting, when he does recognize me, he automatically knows that we are married. I have never had to show him anything to prove it.
Jim, I know how you feel. My DH will ask me if we are still husband & wife. And when he gets angry at me for whatever reason he says, “Why do you treat me this way, I thought we were husband & wife.” He is also starting to lose the relationship aspect. When he talks to our sons on the phone he doesn’t realize he is talking to his son & when he is ready to hand the phone back to me he says, “Do you want to talk to Elaine?” (not Mom). I know that is hard on our children. I do agree that I can handle these reverse milestones better since I’ve learned what to expect here.
`when DW asks me if we are married i just tell her:well your the woman I have been sleeping with for fifty years so after having five kids and sleeping together for fifty years we better be married, Or else we been illegally living together for all our life. that usually satisfies her.
My Lo being in an ALF always wants me to stay there with her thursday was a new one,she told me I should stay because she can't get pregnant now, what a shock an she's only 69,as for names she knows my name an her own but when I ask her last name she replies with her first husband last name,wish he would have stepped up when I needed help when she was still at home
Just a few minutes ago my DH asked when I was going to marry "him". I said I better not marry "him" because I'm married to you. Seemed to be no big deal to him. All day he's been talking about "the people" who are coming or who have been here and what my plans are. Wanted to know if I was going away and what were my plans. Felt like I was being given the bums rush!