Eleven deaths since January. Five in just the last four weeks. Today's blog pays tribute to spouses lost and the Alzheimer spouses who cared for them. I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - to read the blog and post comments here.
Joan- This is the most wonderful blog and it is obvious that it is heartfelt, and so precise in its meaning. I personally feel that there should be a special medal given to the spouses, much like a medal of honor, medal or valor, or purple heart. The military usually awards these to the person who gave their life for their country, and unfortunately, most are awarded posthumously. Caregivers certainly give their all, and they too deserve some form of recognition. In many ways, they actually give more than the soldiers, and yet they never receive the recognition of being a hero. But caregivers are the true American heroes, and they risk more than soldiers, firemen, and policemen, and yet none of them are ever paid, nor recognized. Thank you for your wonderful comments, and for recognizing these Unsung Heroes.
Wow...how sad. I have noticed the number of deaths in the past year. I haven't posted in a week or so because my problems seem so minor compared to others who have experienced the final loss of their loved one.
I have been thinking that a Caregivers Honor Roll on this blog might be helpful to the members as well as maybe a future research tool for others. Something very simple to honor the caregivers like....posting name...date of spouse dx....date of spouses death...cause of death and where it took place home/NH/ etc. This would honor the caregivers and they would know they will never be forgotten on this blog and that their posts have helped all of us at numerous times.
Judith, yeah me too. To log on and say I'm going craaaaazy because of a vexing combination of decline and doldrums seems pretty trivial and whiny in light of the end coming for so many. But they've been here. We'll be there. Just a different chapter.
My husband passed away on May 2nd. I wrote about it under A Time To Grieve. Joan---when you write your blog sometimes I feel like those words could be written by me. You give voice to my feelings and thoughts exactly as I feel and think. I thank you for that and I do draw strength and comfort from your words.
I'm not there, yet. Still having to deal with the first family. Ex-wife of 30+ years ago wants crystal lamps that were a wedding present "returned." And the trust company who are acting as executor and collecting a very high fee are not helpful, but actually obstructive. Have been in touch with their head office. So far, silence.
And the step kids. The Trust Company (the executors) e-mailed me a list of their demands that ranged from the ridiculous to the bizarre. Eric used to say of them (we had this sort of thing over the years of our marriage), "If they'd only get on with their own lives." Hope your friend gets some giggles from Eric's book.
I am so sorry for members who have lost their spouses ,I send my sincere condolences to you all as some I missed by being away .I dont post very often but read and shed tears for the trials you face caring for a l/o with any kind of dementia ,Don my l/o has been in a care home for over 2 years now .thank you Joan for this wonderful site ,hope all goes well with your surgery God Bless you all Rosie
some of these most recent losses are the spouses of people who I consider my mentors. When I first joined, and in the years since, they were my strength and shoulder to lean on.
ALL losses have always affected me.....but there are sooooo many recently! I find myself torn because I am so sad that we have lost another beloved spouse....even though I know some of your loved ones are suffering, and some are ready to let their love go be with God. That is a strength and unselfish love I so admire!
The closer we get to the end of our journey, the more these losses affect me. I guess that is normal? But damn does it hurt..... you are all amazing and I hope I will have the strength and courage you have shown.
You've shown incredible strength and courage through your entire journey. I'm so impressed by how you've handled your own health problems as well as Lynn's. I'm sure that strength and courage will help you through the rest of the trip.
Nikki, I am also hurting over the losses we have had. I was very depressed the past few weeks and even had two panic attacks. Then it hit me, the losses. They were coming so fast. My heart hurts for each and every one of the losses. I know that is the way all our paths will take us. But to reach the end has to be so bittersweet. We know our LO will never get better. To know they are no longer in pain is what we want. So hard to see so many pass.
You all are truly in my thoughts and prayers, my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a loved one.
I can only echo the sentiments of Nikki and blue. Each time I read of another loss my heart just sinks and I know one day it will be me. Thoughts and prayers to all who have lost their spouse recently.
Janet, that is so sweet of you to say....but I fear I will not have the courage or grace of these strong warriors. I fear I will be the one hanging on for dear life, kicking and thrashing saying NO!! I'm not ready!! *gasp*
Blue and Andy, I am glad I am not the only one feeling the depths of so many losses. I felt so selfish! But I could not help it, it is affecting me..... of course above my own selfish worry is my great concern and sympathy for all of those who have lost their beloved. ....just so so hard
As one who has lost her loved one I know my cyber family will take these comments as they are intended. What if all our lost spouses meet up on a caretakers' cruise and have a rousing get together. Wonder what they would talk about and how they would feel about us. Aaaah-if only there was a reason for all this misery.
Phranque...through your insanity, you have kept the rest of us sane! Hahaha. I also feel very fortunate to have found this site...it has brought me such a sense of security during difficult times...sometimes just reading others' blogs and comments.
Same here..I get on my puter first thing in the morning while it is still quiet. This past month has been a tough one with so many losses ( and one here, a GF whose husband died 16 May and whose funeral was yesterday. For that funeral I read the scriptures and while everything went beautifully, by the time I got home I was as wrung out as if I had held a service for my DH...a thought crossed my mind was this a sort of dress rehersal?) Anyway, the humor, the advice and questions provide so much insight.
As an aside, the leader of our ALZ group meeting was at the funeral service yesterday and I had a chance to talk to her..and mentioned that on the site the other day someone posted something about the Freshman 15...and how we alz caregivers seem to experience that all over again but it goes from 15 to 50....and I suggested that sometime at one of our meetings we do something a little different...we all know how the spouses are doing...some are at at the same level while others move to a further level of decline...so why not take a meeting or two to concentrate on US and how to stay healthy..keep wt under control or just keep from unbalanced meals when we are under such stress all the time..She thought it was a great idea..So to whomever posted that Freshman 15 credit goes to you for the idea..
Mimi, you brought up a good point I hadn't considered. We too have had two recent losses. This weekend we had a joint burial for my Aunt and Uncle, when they started playing taps, I lost it. It took me back to my Dad's service and you are right, I could not help but think about Lynn......
I agree with all you wonderful folks, all of you have helped me hang on when I thought for sure I couldn't. You are all the best! ♥