Today I am sadden to say that I finally had to place my spouse of 21plus years in a NH. At 43 she is the youngest person there and the youngest person they have seen with AD. After living with EOAD for the last 7 years and seeing her decline to the latter stage my sons and I had a long talk on there moms condition, how it was getting worse, and what to do. I hope this may help others with children who have to cross this bridge one day. My sons were tired of seeing there mom confined to a wheelchair or bed. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""incontinent. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""unable to communicate with them. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""unable to remember them. """""""""""""""""""""""of having caregivers, Hospice, and others constantly in and out of the house. They wanted to try and remember there mom in a good way and not see this out at home to the end. They wanted there dad to cut his stress as he is now there only security. They wanted to start to try and begin to adjust there new homelife with me and them.
I pray for strength and guidance as we begin our journey knowing we are giving mom the best care while finally putting some focus on ourselves as a family dealing with AD/EOAD. I hope I made sense of what I am trying to express and that it may one day help others. No decision in dealing with AD is easy this was my toughest and though I know all the reasons for making it, my heart breaks and I feel the void more that ever that AD has caused.
Tony, I can most certainly understand what you are saying and I do make sense out of it. Unless you have traveled this road for 7+ years you could not begin to understand what you are saying. I just had that same talk with me, myself, and I today. There comes a time when you have to give the best care that you can, but then you have to stop and realize that you must survive also.
Tony-I am so sorry that you had to make this choice. I don't know you well as I am new to this site but I do so admire you and your courage. I wish the best for your family and of course-you. This disease is a monster that steals our dreams. You did all that you could and then some. bluedase
Good decision, Tony. For your sons. As a medical social worker in the past, all I can say is frequent visits to the nursing home lets the staff know that someone is watching. I saw the difference in care between those who had family visits and those who didn't. And some of these were the top nursing homes. She at some point won't know about your visits, but the staff will. It is sad but true. Best wishes to you & your sons.
Thinking of you and your family, Tony, i know how hard this is, but know you are doing whats best for you and your kids at this point. she will have the right care and you can dedicate more time to your children now. take care, Divvi
Tony, you have experienced what very few young husbands with small children have ever had to face and done an outstanding job. You have made a decision that is in the best interest of your wife, you and your children. I wish for all of you the very best and hope you will continue to stay in touch with us.
I, too, felt the void you described when I had to place my DH. Our children were grown, things were different, but -- there it is. You did the right thing for all of you, especially your DW who will have care that you cannot always provide w/children in the home. My thoughts are w/you & the children.
Tony, I am SO sorry that you had to go through the placement, but I think you will find for yourself and your sons, it is the best choice. I dread having to make that decision and I know it will not be an easy thing to do, regardless of the decision. There is a book called Young Hope that is written by a 32 yr old (I think it was) young mother of children with EOAD. Her name is Tracy. I have loaned out the book or I could tell you more. I "met " her online and ordered the book. It showed the feelings from the AD patient side and how hard it was for her as a mother to realize she was fading. I think for the children, your undivided attention at home will be easier for them than the burdens of it all. It will allow them to be children . God bless you and your family!
My prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. I know it has got to be hard on your boys. Please keep us posted on how your family is doing. You are are good father and a terrific husband.
As I first posted here I finally placed my wife in a NH. For the fist week she seemed to adjust and was doing well. Over the last few days however, she has slipped further into her own world. She still will occasionally smile at me or her mom but now refuses to eat or drink and has forgotten how to swallow. She just turns away. The nures at the NH told Hospice and they are now giving her a around the clock watch. I try to be there and care for the boys as best as I can. I am told that it is only a matter of time now. I told my sons and we are trying to deal with the reality now facing us. I have felt that the care I have given my wife over the years and at home up till a week or so ago was the best I could provide. I also knew that her needs were now at a point where I needed help and couldn't do it at home any longer. The NH and care provided have been good I knew it wouldn't be much longer but I didn't think that it would be this soon. Ifeel so helpless. Her neurologist said as fast as her EOAD has progressed it is not unusual for her to be in this condition now. Now I pray for strength and guidance to get me and my family through the final AD chapter.
Find peace within yourself, knowing you have done the best you could do. That's all any of can do, is to do the best we can. So sorry to hear it has progressed so rapidly. I know you are grieving, and I am sorry for your pain.
tony, i am so sorry. i wish i could say something to comfort you and your family. this is so hard. my dh also has eoad. i have been told that it does progress faster than ad, i am so scared. my heart and prayers go out to you. jav
Your love of your dear wife and family comes through your words. You are doing exactly what she would want you to do if she could tell you. You are caring for each member of your family is the best way possible. Please know that there are understanding people who will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. Please do keep us posted.Your well being is important to all of us. Anita
Dear Tony, never second guess your placement, the timing was necessary and now you have your boys to focus on their needs as well. its a very difficult time and many of us here willl be thinking of you and sending prayers your dear wife has a peaceful end. hugs, divvi