I took all my literature into my husband's office. I sat down very calmly & told him to remember everything I had done to save his life through cancer. I said we have a problem. I explained that I had been to an attorney yesterday & he told me that if my husband needed long term care that I would lose my house. I said, I can't afford to lose my house. I am leaving out the majority of the conversation. So I told him he had 2 choices. I could divorce him & stay & care for him, or he could go it on his own. I think he was shocked by the literature I presented him, "oh, great, I'm going to be a vegetable." I told him no you are not. You just don't have the cognitive abilities you used to have. He wanted proof. I got out my journal & started reading to him. He protested that that didn't mean anything. I printed out stuff about "denial", whatever the word for it is.
I think he trusts me enough that he knows I'm not trying to do anything but tell him the truth, even though he protested somewhat. But the headlines on the papers I printed said Small Cell Lung Cancer and Dementia. He didn't finish reading it, said he wanted to watch tennis.
It is only fair to give him this choice. I thought today, what if he does have a brain tumor & he sits in this house dead & nobody even knows. The thought made me sick. I am not up to being a caretaker, but at least I have made a dent in the situation.
I admit this is not all altruistic. I need a place to live, was promised all I would ever need is "some change in my pocket" and have been living on that premise for 10 years. I don't want to be out in the cold, nor do I want to lose my house. I was amazed he agreed with me. He said "likewise, I don't want to lose my house if something becomes wrong with you" (I still think he thinks it's me, maybe.) So now, I will go to a divorce attorney, & hopefully get my husband to agree to say we haven't had marital relations for the past 6 months. Don't know how this is going to play out, but I could tell he was totally shocked by the literature. I hope there wasn't anything about the prognosis in there, then I will be dealing with depression as well.
So many words come to mind with what you described, brave, considerate, fair, being among the first. Sometimes dealing with this disease comes down to what do you have to do to live with yourself. You have taken some huge steps this week.