I know this doesn't rank up there with losing companionship, conversation, shared memories. But this week we reached a milestone of sorts when I realized that it would just be easier for my husband to eat finger foods for dinner. I knew this day would come, but I had never really thought about the impact it would have. After all these years, now I'll be making different dinners for both of us. I had cut back on cooking from scratch anyway due to lack of time/energy, but I feel like this is really the end of trying new recipes, a whole creative outlet in my life. I think I did cook for myself when I was single (35 years ago?) but then I didn't have the tremendous responsibility of taking care of a sick person. So it's just another loss from my "old" lifestyle. When I mentioned this to a friend, she said it wouldn't be a big deal to her, that she's happy to have a bowl of cereal for dinner. But then I reminded her, that's not 7 days a week--she can still go out to dinner and have regular meals frequently. Besides, how do you combine a nice glass of wine with a bowl of cereal?
It's become more and more a menu of frozen pizza and canned pasta (and lots of paper plates). I try to sprinkle fresh vegies on top but thar's about it. No energy and DH gets distracted and starts pacing during meals anyway. Yesterday I caught him putting a couple of loose coins in his mouth, Time spent cooking is now better spent supervising!
Uhh, thanks. I hadn't put it in words before, but mealtime began changing when we moved from table to TV trays (as Joan mentioned in one of her blogs), now to more meals that don't require much prep because hb interferes by moving ingredients I have in front of me on counter, stepping in front of me, etc., etc. Soft and squishy, he prefers. And he paces and wanders during meals. Often now takes a plate to another room to eat??? Guess he doesn't like my company. Cereal in a crystal bowl? Now that's a thought. Maybe a candle on the TV tray, too.
We have had a tradition in our family ever since the kids (now 47 and 43) were small that the birthday person could choose the restaurant for their birthday meal. As you can imagine, we went from hotdogs to pizza to steak and lobster :-)
Claude's favorite restaurant the last few years was McDonald's. Anytime we went anywhere in the car, he would always ask "Are we going to that place with the big yellow thing for a cheeseburger, fries and a coke". He couldn't remember the name, but he never forgot the "big yellow thing" or a cheeseburger, fries and a coke.
DH eats anything and everything that is put before him. I am getting tired of cooking every day. Maybe I will try canned pasta or whatever comes in cans or the freezer aisle!
No, no. No wine and cereal. That will not do. You can have the wine and cereal at different times, though. That way you cover the bases without the aesthetic dissonance.
Still, yeah. Maybe a new phase of creative cooking could be finding recipes which could be delicious and interesting but also serve as finger food. Or, make a batch of something you especially like and freeze in meal sized containers, to be deployed along with fish sticks.
Jeff's favorite is salads. Usually a good bit ends up on the table, and I stealthily toss it back in. At one of our favorite lunch joints in Annapolis (Punk's Backyard Grill,) I request that they put his caesar salad in a bowl instead of on a plate. Helps a bit, though I could design a better bowl.
Yesterday I gave him soup in a mug, with a spoon. Halfway through, with lentils, broth and veggies splooshed liberally about the table, I realized that the spoon wasn't an asset and suggested he just drink it, which he did. Just have to make sure the soup isn't too hot.
In my dad's declining days (he succumbed to Parkinson's in '09,) how, when he began to struggle with eating, there was talk of a stomach tube. She wrestled with that thought and was very sad, because, as she put it, food was all that he really enjoyed anymore. And she'd been very carefully making him things that would taste good pureed.
DH will also eat anything I fix and tells me he has never had anything like it and it's so good. Went to Fazoli's for lunch yesterday - special was spaghetti, meatballs and a salad, $3.99. We both ordered it and neither could finish it. Brought it home, it's frozen now and ready for another warm-up meal. Ate the rest of the salad last night with a chicken salad sandwich - and he said it was the best meal he had ever had.
I know that part of this for me is that dinners were always a really enjoyable time of day for us--whether we went out or ate in. The conversation part ended a while back; but at least, we still had the food part. I've always enjoyed setting a nice table, etc. Like Vickie's husband, mine would eat anything I made and always was very complimentary. In almost 34 yrs of marriage, I only remember one time I made an entree that he said he didn't care for! So changing my cooking style is like closing the door to the whole shared experience, I guess.
I can remember 2 entrees he didn't care for. One was some kind of salmon loaf. The second was called "Peanut Noodle Toss." Jeff's comment: "Are you supposed to toss this before or after you eat it?"
Finger foods for you AD spouse sounds like a cookbook. DW has been eating with her hands for the past year. I am really tired of cooking, we live 15 miles from town so we do not go out that much. I make home made pizza, baked chicken,burritos, tostada, trying to eat less red meat.
marilyn, i found myself in the same position of losing out on good meals due to limited abilities with utensils. if its any consolidation - in latter stages when they begin to lose ability to eat by themselves, i got back into cooking and while yes i have to feed DH i make all the good foods we enjoy and just make sure they are cut very tiny peices and help him eat it. most days he will finish what i serve. i even gave him caprese salad chopped tomatoes and tiny mozarella balls in a bit of balsamic vinagrette which i thought he wouldnt like. he ate it all even in the late stage hes in. get ready friend, when you see they cant get a meal down without help feeding , you will feel another real sense of loss. we must adjust and move on. if you like cooking find a way to make smaller portions cut it up very little and give a big spoon=or help him eat. divvi
I spent the last five years of my husband's life feeding him....it was the only time there was any interaction at all so it wasn't so bad. He ate what I made and I relied on Marie Callendar entrees for when I had eaten out or just wasn't hungry at the time he was due to eat. It is all an adjustment....
It’s come down to us eating different meals at dinner. DH is happy eating simple TV dinners. I give him applesauce & a corn muffin & he is good to go. He eats so much less than he used to, but that is a good thing. He always has a dish of ice cream before he goes to bed. I’m lucky because he can still feed himself.
I am losing good meals around here due to loss of appetite and his new grazing habits.. We just got our freezer fixed...that is another story I told on "Sometimes They Get It Right" and now I have 2 freezers and I intend to make use of them..one for putting things that can be frozen so I can cut down the time running to the grocery store and the small one to use for the do ahead things so I am not having to figure out what in the heck to fix each day..Every time I serve dinner it is " too much". Last night it was sloppy joes...used one bun between us...he took too bites..he gets the rest for lunch but most likely it will go down the disposal.
And when we put the cereal in the crystal bowl and drown it with fine wine, don't forget to use the sterling silver spoon.
I definitely get what you are saying about another shared experience lost. It doesn't matter if it's an elaborate vacation, a political discussion, or something as simple as a meal - it's the lost "sharing" that hurts.
I think this stage is when I began to gain weight. We were 'finger foodies" for almost a year before he died. Tiny 'party' sandwiches, with fillings that stuck to the bread, like chicken salad, egg salad, peanut butter, etc. Hamburgers were a mess! There was no way he could hold one without the filling falling out. When I cooked 'my foods', I'd eat more than when I would divide them between two plates. It's hard to cook one servings.
Spoons stopped working about 6 months before he died. He could usually eat his yogurt with a spoon, but very few other things. Again, the yogurt would stick to the spoon, so it wasn't so complicated.
I found that making super-duper shakes were excellent ways to get protein and vitamins into his diet. He loved strawberry-banana flavored ice cream shakes. I'd toss in all sorts of fruit on warm summer days, add a splash of orange juice and leave out the ice cream and blend away.
At this stage, forget all the rules about cholesterol, fats, and inappropriate times of the day (for ice cream, as an example). Just wanted them to consume some nutrients, whatever it took.
My DH refuses to touch his food. He will eat anything set in front of him but will only use a spoon to eat. He even drinks his coffee with a spoon. I try to avoid sandwiches because he lifts off the bread with his spoon and eats the bread and if he's still hungry will spoon up the filling.
My DH is really picky and he pretty much has to eat the same things every day. I think I have read something about that somewhere, it is very common for them to eat the same thing all the time. He also has to have horseradish or salsa or something like that spread all over everything because he can't taste anything. I can only get him to eat once a day and the rest of the time is sweets!!!!! So the one meal that I can get him to eat has to have all the nutrition that he needs daily and that is a real challenge because every week about there seems to be something he says he can't eat any more. Uggggggggghhhhhhh!
My DH is putting BBQ sauce and or ketchup on every kind of meat, grated cheese on almost everything else. And often times he dose not want to eat at the table. So I let him sit in front of the TV. It's not like he was going to talk with me. And I often sit here with you all and have my meal if DD is not here.
divvi--I had thought about it that "this too shall pass" and he will require feeding. I don't want to start that before it is necessary--what's going on here is a combo of agnosia (not seeing the food, even on a contrasting color plate) and apraxia (motor skill issues with using utencils). I just want to make it as easy as possible on the poor guy. We always tried to eat healthy and interesting foods, so it's somewhat weird to serve him--for example--"this evening's special entree" of a corn dog on a stick! However, he ate it easily and seemed to enjoy it. BTW, Caprese salad is a favorite here too.
Here in Florida tomatoes are falling off the vines and fresh basil is in danger of bolting. Perfect time for Caprese salad. So easy and so wonderful. All the stores now carry fresh mozzarella cheese. Even the low fat version is tolerable.