Jeff and I, and Freddi the mutt, took off on one of our standard neighborhood walk circuits. 2 blocks away from the house, I said, "ok, you pick the way home." Jeff looked a little perplexed by this, but proceeded to lead us up and down the street we were on several times, then past the street where we should have turned, to a main artery through town.
I could see him looking at the various (all different) houses (which we've been looking at for 25 years) trying to make sense of it. At the end of the road I said "which way now?" He said he didn't know, so the dog and I took us home.
I said don't worry about it, and he'll stop even thinking about it within a very short time...so no long term mood damage done. I guess I just wanted to be sure of his current limitations. They are what I thought they'd be. Luckily, of his own volition, he only goes as far as the street in front of our house.
It's the only reason I am kind of glad that Sid is so physically disabled. There is no way he could walk anywhere, so there is no chance of him getting lost.
I walked with my husband on a regular basis, I would ask him the way home & he never knew. Then one day when he was mad a me he went outside to the garage, I thought he was out there pouting, but, he had starting walking around the neighborhood. I took the car to find him...which I did, however, in my best mother voice I ask him if he knew his way home. His answer was No, he also did not know his address. He never walked off again. He would say quite often, that he couldn't leave the garage.
I am always conducting little experiments on the sly to see how much memory there is. Every time I end up crying because I can see the memory loss is so deep. I never know until an occasion presents itself how little memory dh has. Yesterday he decided to clean up a flower bed so he can plant a few flowers.....wanted to put on old clothes and I mean old. You could read the newspaper through the seat of the pants. I told dh those pants should be thrown out. He said he was hanging on to them for when he commits suicide. That really knocked me for a loop. First time he ever said anything like that. He doesn't seem depressed, always looking forward to his medical appointments, shopping and wherever else we have to go. Now I am really frightened to leave him alone..
shirley, any chncehe was joking. Seriously my DH has developed a very wry and dry sense of humor which frequentlu surprises me and others. That is exacrly the kind of thing he would say and he isn't the least bit suicidal.
I also conduct "experiments." The experiments give me insight and invariably leave me sad,but more compassionate. New cordless phones to set up together: even with my instruction he was unable to insert the batteries properly. A new low.
Right now I am praying he is developing a wry sense of humor but "suicide" is a word he never said in his entire life. I would have thought he would have forgotten what the word even means.
What is the probability of someone with no memory, broken reasoning switch, ever contemplating and performing an act of suicide? We have no firearms in the house or meds that could be destructive although I am sure if one is determined they can mix and match anything. DH has lost his all his chemical knowhow.
Shirley—I doubt he could or would carry a suicide plan out. Not that it doesn't pay to be careful, because it does. But, I would guess that a thought like that is similar to my husband's statements that he'll "just leave." He says "I'll just go somewhere else." I think that as his abilities and world shrink, this remains a thought, a "last resort" idea that he carries to comfort himself with. But he can't even find his shaver or his toothbrush most of the time, so I think such plans exist on a theoretical plane only.
Emily, as you can see, you're not alone. I think it is normal for the spouse/partner to do these little "tests" in order to gauge the memory loss and to alert us to something which needs either to be prevented or planned for. Because they don't communicate well, there's a need to know. I did something similar before DH was dx'd. We were driving home from a restaurant about 30 miles away (DH was driving) and I said, okay, you know they way home, so I won't give you any directions. What is normally a 45 min drive turned out to be 1.5 hours, going in circles. He finally got us home but it was a big wake up call for me.